I've known him for 22 years. We were together until he moved out of state 20 years ago. Long distance didn't work. I had to end it though still very much in love. I got married to some one else but always had the other guy in my heart. He eventually returned to town and over the years, reached out to me. He'll keep that up even after two or three years with no communication. He knows I'm married but also knows he's in my heart. This is so difficult because he will not go the extra mile for me and bring us together once and for all. I keep saying no/go away, but he doesn't want to. I cave in regularly about seeing him yet I am not happy. We have not resumed a sexual relationship but the feelings are mutual. This is such heartache and I feel I must just let it all go. He has not stepped to meet my needs but is perfectly willing for me to do the "work" and keep up the love toward him. I love him in a way that seems to have transcended everything else in my life but hurt bad.
2007-09-29 09:43:42 · 4 answers · asked by Kstel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Step back for a moment and look at this situation as though it was with two different people. What would you tell yourself? This guy has got the best of both worlds with you - no commitment and all the fun. And let's question his ethics for a moment. He's leading on a married woman with no regard to making a commitment. He's standing back letting you do all the running. What a boost to his ego you must be and he's had this going on for how many years? And what were you doing getting married when you had someone else in your heart? The only person in your heart at that time should have been the man you married. Personally this isn't fair to either you nor your husband. Unless you are 100% committed to your marriage you should leave but be aware that I very much doubt your 'emotional lover' is not about to step up and offer any form of commitment or marriage to you. After all why should he? You are giving him everything he wants without him having to work for any of it. Tell him to back off, refuse to communicate with him and get yourself together.
2007-09-29 09:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard though it will be, I would trust your feelings and let the relationship go. It looks like you will have to be the strong one here, if your old love can't or won't let go.
You don't mention whether or not he's made a marriage commitment to someone else during the years you've been apart, but in any event, you have---and if you love your husband, and value the life that you've built for yourselves together, the best choice is to close out the old relationship.
If the circumstances are different, the least the two of you should do is talk to each other honestly about where your lives are and what you believe and want the rest of your lives to be like.
If you both decide you still love each other, yet don't want to change anything, it will continue to be hard, and will get harder, and will involve deception, guilt and more than a fair share of misery. If you can live with that, it's your choice.
2007-09-29 16:58:30 · answer #2 · answered by Palmerpath 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sucks to hurt the person you're already with, its a though choice but are you willing to sacrifice the only thing that might make you happy and give it a try, if you feel in your heart that he should've been the one u should've married then u know the answer, dont fool yourself or you'll be thinking the what if for the rest of your life, remember that not so many times in life we have the opportunity to make things right again, you have a chance now, but also make sure ur 100% sure he is the one, evaluate what you have with what you could have...
good luck!!!
(ur heart knows the answer)
2007-09-29 17:01:52 · answer #3 · answered by hephaistion_hek 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let go and love your husband.
2007-09-29 17:12:06 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋