should i forgive my mother and see her, or is forgiving her in my heart and with god enough?

Question

i haven't seen my mother in almost 3 years. i was 4 months pregnant the last time i had seen her: my mother & father were together & while they were still married my mother decided to have an affair. she came home asked for my permission to get a divorce. when i thought about it i really didn't care. they got divorced & my father let this new man live with us seeing that they got married. so we were all living together my husband, mother, father, 2 younger sisters, & her new husband. seeing that this man was from another country & was brought up that there was a respect factor he felt that my sisters and i had to treat him like he was our father. he tried to take away my car, went into our room & stole. y mother and i got into fights which stressed me out and made me almost loose the baby.so my husband & i left & we stayed at my aunts house where we had to sleep on the floor.she didn't care,when i wrote her a letter telling her how i felt she took everything i said the wrong way

my father let this man live with us because he is a kind man and felt that with the divorce it would show that family would be strong with all of us living together. after what had happened he helped us live on our own for a while, and now that things were getting tight finacially we are now living with him and he is helping us out again.
my mother moved out with her husband and made my father give her a bunch of money that she didn't really deserve.
she has said a bunch of mean things behind all of our backs, but im wondering if since it has been 3 years and she might have changed if i dont see her and forgive her will there be problems later on when i die or if i forgive her in my heart and with god will i be okay.

Answer 1

i know what it is you are talking about as i have and is going through what u are talking a bout like i said to my own children
you only have one mother and one father u don't have to like it u cant chose your relatives but it sounds just like your dad is doing what i am doing looking after my children why mum plays at least one of the parents is looking out for u and your future

Answer 2

All families have misunderstandings, arguments and will usually take things the wrong way when angry. Your taking the family apart in not seeing your mother. You moved another into her home; when since you were in the family way, your man should have been out there working two jobs and getting you a place of your own. If your man can not carry the load, put him out and move home until he can hold up his end of that relationship. He is responsible for most of the hard feelings, anger and misunderstandings. You are a MOTHER now, would you want to have your child do same and act so?
Go see your Mother, Perhaps she has some forgiving to do also. She Loves you and has wanted only the best for you all of your life and will always be there for you. Tell the Hubby to get it together and do his part. I figure his people have put him out and know that he has to stand up and be a man and the only way is to force him to work and pay his own way. It's going to be tough on you until he straightens out and becomes a responsible person, husband and father. Please get back to your family and meet your mother for lunch, talk things out. Eventually you'll run out of couch's or floors to sleep on and he'll split, then it's shelters or the street.
Mom's house, Mom rules; Your house, different situation.

Answer 3

A book I recommend is "How to Forgive: A Step-by-step Guide," by John Monbourquette. Several places it addresses the question of whether or not to talk with the person who has wronged one, and the final chapter is "Decide Whether to End or Renew the Relationship." So I don't think there is an instant yes/no answer to your question. If you can't afford the book your local public library may have it or may be able to get it by requesting it from another library.

Answer 4

Wow, First, You are married and have a baby and you are/were living with other people???? Hmmm, What is wrong with that picture? WHY?

Secondly, Your Mom is not responsible for what another person does. How do you hold her responsible for what someone else is doing? Your problem is NOT with her. It is with her husband. Can you control YOUR husband? Apparently not. You are/were sleeping on the floor of someone else`s home..

You seem to spend a lot of time in your Mom`s business. If / When your Dad gave/gives her money, It is NONE of your business...

You need to get your own backyard cleaned up.. You are responsible for you .. You have a child and you are responsible for that child. It should have it`s own home. Not being shuffled around from one home to another because of your immaturity.

If you live under another`s roof, You are obliged to live with their rules..

Last thing. God only gives you ONE Momma.. She is the only Mom you have. You should get your own life and own up, to your life being screwed up is because of the choices you have made.. No one else is responsible for YOUR life..

Peace & God bless <><

Answer 5

Well, I do believe the dynamics in the family you are functioning in is truly convoluted, and I truly believe it's unhealthy. Just take you child, your husband, and any siblings that want to go with you to another place to live. There is no reason you should not forgive your mother. It's her life, and your relationship with her is totally unique. Just let her know you love her, and always will. Because you do.

Answer 6

I think that forgiving your mom does mean seeing her, for forgiveness means to put that offense in the past, as if it never happened. A part of forgiveness is reconciliation
but maybe see her away from her husband

Answer 7

The Bible states that God hates divorce so, I wonder - why do you think you should be forgiven for ruining the lives of two children and, possibly, two marriage-partners? God, also, says when you marry, you become "one flesh" so, divorce is a tearing apart of the "one flesh", which means it is self-destructive. What about family and friends who have invested their emotion into your relationship as a family? What about commitment? What about breaching a, legally, binding contract? It is unfortunate you would choose to be so self-centred and the same applies to the other person. "Destiny" is a word not in my vocabulary but suits your aims - if it were destiny, you wouldn't have emailed her as that required conscious effort and wasn't something outside the boundaries of your power or control and this, to the best of my knowledge is the definition of destiny. God holds each person reponsible for their decisions and, as you're not Christians . . .

Answer 8

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting and putting yourself back in a bad place.

Question carefully - did you fight becuase he was truly terrible, or you had trouble adjusting to the changes as a family? are you angry at her, or him? What are the benefits of seeing her again, versus not? Can you see her with out him? Are you willing to try to understand his culture, with out having to live in it?

That will answer your question.

Answer 9

You might just call her. Yes, you do need to mean it in your heart. God can help you with that if you let Him. I can understand where you would be angry with her. Maybe you aren't ready to see her just yet, but talking to her might help know where she stands. Regardless, you should forgive her and tell her so. Not doing so will cause major regrets later on.

Answer 10

I lost my mom for 15 years because she decided that her drug habit was more important then her kids. It took 15 years for me to forgive her, but I did, and she is a changed person. I wont ever forget it, but I still forgave. I think you should give her a second chance, but like I said, forgive but dont forget.