I had this friend who was always picking on me. Or just saying some really rude stuff to me- that I did not appricate. Anyway, in the past, when she does this sort of thing, I start to distance myself from her (Still be nice- but realize, I don't need someone like her in my life), and she start acting nice again and we become some what friend again and the cycle continues. Anyhow, several weeks ago, she became really jealous and paranoid. I decided then and there that I was no longer going to be friends w/ her. So, when she started being nice again (part of the cycle) I was civil, but for the most part chose to ignore her. She has finally gotten the message and stopped being so nice. So my questions are, as a christain is it bad to ignore someone and actually feel good about it (I like the fact that she realize- that she couldn't treat me like that and come crawling back. 2- as a christain how much do you have to take from people?
2007-09-29 08:35:56 · 11 answers · asked by breezy 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Exercising tough love is not being mean. You may have less than charitable feelings and thoughts about your friend, however! That's your problem and if you take it to the Lord and are truly sorry about it, you will get the grace to become more gracious. You have to take, and take, and take more than ever you would as a non-Christian. How much did Christ take? You've got nowhere close yet, nor will you ever! Be much in prayer for your erstwhile friend, my friend.
2007-09-29 08:47:50 · answer #1 · answered by Annsan_In_Him 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Our Lord calls us to love our enemies. This isn't easy for any of us. So you should continue to treat her with respect. But that doesn't mean that you need to be friends with her.
Sometimes people have real problems in their lives. Unfortunately they often take those problems out on people close to them. This may help you to understand your friends problem.
Our Lord called us to always be ready to forgive. So if your former friend asks for forgiveness, you should forgive her. This is the Christlike way to behave.
However, you are not obligated to remain a friend. Jesus never intended us to accept abuse from others. We are called to be faithful but not to accept abuse. Your friend has been abusive. For your information the cycle you describe is a typical abusive cycle. In such a cycle, the abuser will yell at and put down the other person. They will then recognize that they have pushed too hard and will be very friendly and try to establish the relationship.
Your friend may have some problems at home (if you are teens) and she may be carrying a lot of anger inside. You do not need to be a part of either. What you did was very caring. You gave her several chances to improve and be a good friend. She continually violated that trust by doing the same things. I think you did a very wise thing in walking away from that and ending the friendship.
God bless you my sister.
Pastor John
2007-09-29 08:57:42 · answer #2 · answered by pastorjohn59 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off... I can kinda understand where you're coming from. Its a tough situation to try and figure out how you're going to love some one and reconcile a relationship, but then knowing that its just going to keep going in the same circle.
I think that right now you're doing basically the right thing. Distancing yourself from a situation that is just causing unnecessary stress. There was someone that I was friends with for a while. But every couple of months he would get upset with me and stop talking to me and then I'd go and apologize for anything I had done. We'd be ok for a couple of months, and then it would just repeat itself. I finally just gave up.
My advice to you is to go to this friend. Let her know how you feel... And then tell her that you think it'd be best if you just distanced yourself from the situation for a while. I also recommend leaving yourself open to the idea of being friends again later, when and if she's ever ready to be a real friend.
Make sense?
2007-09-29 09:56:07 · answer #3 · answered by Erin Rebekah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your feeling good is more out of relief than malice. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. We're only human.
However, there was nothing especially praiseworthy in the way you handled it either, though I have no way of knowing how much self-control you had to exercise to just ignore her. Only you know how much you could stand, and maybe it was all you could do not to strangle her.
If she did something evil to you, you know the Christian thing to do is to forgive when you can. But if she stirs up too much discomfort for you, you are not obligated to hang around with her. Unless you're a saint.
2007-10-07 08:01:51 · answer #4 · answered by pufferoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By definition, a christian is a follower of Christ Jesus, who forgave regardless of frequency or severity. As followers of his, we are expected to emulate him in every way possible. But humans have shown since time immemorial that we are not capable of doing that,witness our history.However this does not mean we stop trying since our Lord recognizes our faults and sinfulness. Hence, do all in your power to forgive your erst-while friend and still be civil if she is civil to you. Being a christian does not mean you let yourself become a doormat and be abused. You have to try to consistently forgive(and mean it),be nice and helpful when and if you can,and follow the standards already set by our Lord. It is okay to avoid this girl if she makes you live a life that is contrary to a christian one but always to forgive any and all wrongs done you. Always being the person that you know you are is the key.
2007-09-29 13:46:52 · answer #5 · answered by abbeycoolit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is a person who is always picking on you and saying really rude stuff to you considered your "friend"?
No, it is never good to ignore someone and feel good about it. A Christian should feel sorry about someone who goes around picking on their "friends" or saying "really rude" things to them. It's so sad to think that this person is lost, and did not learn about Christ from her Christian friend. What will Jesus say about that, do you think?
As a Christian, how much do you have to take from people? I have to wonder...would a Christian ask this question?
Certainly it is alright to lose one's temper at being abused by someone we felt was our friend. Even Jesus lost His temper with the Priests at the Temple, who certainly should have been his friends. On the other hand, He cried out for forgiveness for the Romans who actually nailed Him to the cross...even though they were not His friends.
Of course, we don't know all the details of your situation...only what you've told us in your question. But, if I were you, I'd talk to God about it.
2007-09-29 09:00:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A true Christian is only mean to a point. We may not like what you do, and that is why we may at times "be mean."
Example: Christ we the son of God. He forgave people who were the throw aways of society. Yet when some one disobeyed God. He literaly threw them from the temple.
True Christians only go so far. As far as we need to.
2007-10-06 14:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this has more to do as a person than as a christian. Do what you will as you wish others to do unto you might be a simple guide in life.
Anyway, doesn't the bible always ask to forgive and forget?
2007-10-07 08:18:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even Christ lost his temper (driving out the change makers on the sabbath!) Everybody looses some control at a point, especially if we have strong convictions!
2007-09-29 08:41:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is important for YOU to forgive her. However, forgiving her it does NOT mean condoning or staying in such a relationship.
Our God is like any other Dad. He doesn`t want us to be unhappy. He understands... and that sometimes it is best to pray and move on.. It really is OK..
Peace & God bless from Lonestar Prayer Warrior-ess <><
2007-09-29 08:45:01 · answer #10 · answered by jaantoo1 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋