Since I started working at my job, me and this one woman have become pretty close friends. We take breaks together and talk and even email outside of work. A few of my other co-workers have hinted towards conflicts that they have had with her in the past. It seems that when she is mad (usually for no apparent reason) she will blatently ignore co-workers, talk about them behind their back, and be just plain nasty to others. I have witnessed this as she did this to another person.
Now she has recently begun doing this to me. For no apparent reason, she has ignored me and avoided me. This happened 2x in one week. First time I let it go. Second time, I went on with my business and didn't give in or try to mend things. She recently apologized and told me that she wasn't mad at me but she was mad at a person who stopped to talk to me in passing. But she ignored me, and avoided me the rest of the week! I told her that that kind of stuff doesn't work for me. How do I act now??
2007-09-29 04:30:08 · 14 answers · asked by Rebecca M 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It sounds as though this particular individual is slowly but surely building themselves a box at the work place !! This "other people" thing that you have mentioned here is a clear indicator that she has been at this type of behavior for some time and a lot of the people there are beginning (if not already totally emersed in) making her an "outsider" by way of her own actions !!
My suggestion to YOU -- would be for you to be courteous and considerate ONLY in the context of getting your work done -- but, beyond that -- start slowly backing off from this relationship a little at a time before YOU get caught up in the fray !! To abruptly end any conversations or dealings with her will surely bring an un-needed discomfort to the workplace envoirnment -- but to try and keep a relationship on a personal basis with someone who so evidently-- is one that has problems WITH relationships of any kind --- is to ask for a major measure of problems in the future !!!
2007-09-29 04:50:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can talk to whom you please. If she throws a hissy fit for whatever reason, she has serious problems. You are right to distance yourself from other peoples squabbles.
Make friends with who you want, and keep a professional level with everyone. They all know what this woman is like, and the only reason she became friends with you is because you are new, and didn't have a clue about anyone.
It will work out fine. In a few months she will home in on the next new person, as you will have had enough. I've no doubt the supervisors and managers know what she is like, and just wait until she is up for an assessment!
2007-09-29 11:43:29 · answer #2 · answered by Thia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if this is affecting the work enviornment then a manager or lead person should be aware of the situation and take the necessary steps...you need to remain civil and professional toward everyone that you are in contact with at work...people like your friend need to be reminded that you wont be forced into choosing sides if they're having a problem with another co-worker...and if they want to talk behind someones back, you don't have to take part in the gossip...if her behavior makes you uncomfortable, tell her so and refuse to be involved...maybe she'll also lose interest in the drama and everyone can get more work done...
2007-09-29 11:49:56 · answer #3 · answered by metalsnob 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a pity eh? I've had similar experiences with people I've worked with.
I find the best action is to gradually "pull away" from the people who want to be involved with that kind of behaviour it's too stressful and let's face it work can be tough enough without all the gossip and politics.
I'm always wary of anyone who talks about others especially in a negative way. One thing is usually for sure..they don't make exceptions.
Sorry to say this but I don't think you ever had a real friend in her.
2007-09-29 11:43:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like a class bully and has gone through the work place like a dose of salts seeking out people to be friends with gets possesive with that person so hates them to be friends with others and cuts them out knowing it hurts them when they do.
You have not done anything wrong other than be one good friend to her she is obsesive possesive and most likey lacks a great deal of self confidence. The problem is with her not you.
Best thing to do is just carry on with your job to the best of your abilities and keep her at arms lengh. You have told her it does not work with you so now silence from her hurting you more. next time she starts just say "Sorry you hurt my feeling the way you did so and so" perhaps being told straight her behaviour is hurting people may make her ajust but doubt it. people like her go to one person then another until they have no one sad but true.
We had someone like this in the end people just tolerated her to keep the peace but she was never included in any outside event her loss.
2007-09-29 12:15:46 · answer #5 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly she doesn't sound like a very good friend. That's not the way for anyone to handle things or treat someone. I think I would distance myself from her. She shouldn't treat you that way. I would be friendly toward her, but distance myself so that she was more of an aquintance at work rather than a friend.
2007-09-29 11:41:48 · answer #6 · answered by Laura 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have always treated people the way I would like to be treated. It is a fail safe way to behave. This woman is out for herself and she sounds very jealous of people. Negative behaviour creates negative, bad feelings. Move on from this woman. You will eventually become one of the people she will bad mouth about so let her do it now and move on. You are more worthy. Good luck!!
2007-09-29 15:45:20 · answer #7 · answered by CAROLINE W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hiya . i think you need to have a serious chat with this lady.she must not be allowed to treat people that are supposedly her friends like this and get away with it.tell her either she treats you like a real friend and with respect or to forget it she cant just blow hot and cold with people or she will find herself very lonely because she will eventually alienate every one she has contact with. You have been very laid back over this so well done to you for not acting in the same way .xx
2007-09-29 15:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by her with the mad ginger hair 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look @ it this way, if she's not the owner or CEO why would you really want to even be friends with her as she will basically get you no where right?
keep it all business, in this day and age who can you trust? If she's fake as it seems, it'll only get worse and you may even become to dislike your job because of her.
it all boils down to how much you want to keep and like your position there int he company...
2007-09-29 11:40:53 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should try to get your relationship back on a business only level. That's the trouble with any sort of relationship with colleagues, when it goes off, it's pretty uncomfortable.
2007-09-29 11:34:24 · answer #10 · answered by jet-set 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋