My boyfriend and I have will have been together 2 years this Christmas. We're 19 and 21. It's always been an open discussion that we DO want to get married. But our idea has always been to get married when we finish college. This will take at the LEAST 2 years for both of us to be finished. We live together and have a cat together and pretty much act like we are married. I've been seriously considering getting married earlier than after school... like next summer. I've thought about it a lot. I asked him if he has ever thought about it, he said he has, but always decides against it because he is not ready, we cant afford it and don't have time due to school. i told him that i know we can afford it (we honestly can) and if we do it in the summer, we would have plenty of time. He still says he is just not ready. I don't get it! We LIVE together! Whats the difference in doing what we do now, and getting married?? He ACTS like he is ready, but says he is not. And we are 100% happy. Help?
2007-09-29 04:17:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You're to young..... don't force him, finish school!!!
2007-09-29 04:23:09 · answer #1 · answered by Mac 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are 'married' anyway. In most jurisdictions, 2 years is incriminating, you are considered common-law spouses.
He says he's 'just not ready' . He's reluctant, and why would he change anything when he's already getting what he wants?
You probably do the cooking, the laundry, the ironing, take care of all of the daily stuff that has to be done. Why would he want to change anything and be 'officially' tied up?
It seems that there is a little bit of immaturity involved on his part, and since it is all up to you, you have to make a decision whether or not he'll be around for the long haul.
You're a little on the young side to be getting tied up for life, but If you're really happy, live a few weeks at a time, don't have any children, make sure of that, because if you do, the pressure will REALLY be on this friend of yours.
He might just cut and run. He is "not ready" and you really do want to get married, so what does that suggest to you? Something isn't quite ...perfect--just yet.
The other excuses are just excuses. There is an underlying insecurity on his part that you have to figure out. Right now you're more likely only something like 75% happy.
2007-09-29 11:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by fiddlesticks9 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
>>But our idea has always been to get married when we finish college. This will take at the LEAST 2 years for both of us to be finished.<<
You and he agreed to a prudent, mature plan, and now you're trying to change the plan. Now you're exasperated that he's not going along with the changed plan. It is wise to wait until finishing college and being established in both careers prior to marriage. Kudo's to him for having the wisdom to wait until a more appropriate stage in life.
>>because he is not ready, we cant afford it and don't have time due to school.<<
Any one of those reasons is an excellent one. If a guy says he's not ready for marriage, BELIEVE him! Do not try to pressure him or force the issue.
BTW, by commensing living with him more than 4 years before finishing college, you've put yourself in a "why buy the cow when the milk is free" gamble. He may or may not consider himself ready for marriage upon graduation. At which point, you would have invested more than 4 years in a relationship that might not end up in marriage. If that concerns you, the solution is to move out, not rush marriage.
2007-09-29 12:24:50 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Why MUST you get married prior to you both finishing college?
Your boyfriend is being SMART.
Wait until you graduate college, then start work on planning the wedding.
BTW, the answer: "In most jurisdictions, 2 years is incriminating, you are considered common-law spouses."
Is not true. MOST states DO NOT recognize common law marriage, and if they do it is actually more like 5 years and you have other requirements than that in order to be considered common law married.
I was with my fiance for about 3+ years before he proposed, lived together for two, so it is not always true about "cow getting the milk for free" like some people say.
2007-09-29 19:24:49 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should ask yourself why you are in a hurry to get married!?! No disrespect intended, you are just so young. I look at what I was like (and who I was dating ;) at age 19, and I thank God I didn't get married then.
Your priorities and what you want will change drastically in two years. You may still want to marry this guy then, or something may change in one or both of your lives. I would say just enjoy each other and your happiness now and not push it or waste this happy time worrying about how soon to marry. You have plenty of time.
2007-09-29 12:00:35 · answer #5 · answered by Lilea 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think he is being smart. In all honesty, nobody should marry until they feel 100% ready within themselves. You are very young to get married anyway, and if you plan to be with him for the rest of your lives, what's the problem with waiting 2 more years?
2007-09-29 14:35:38 · answer #6 · answered by melouofs 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your probably not going to like this answer but trust me... Please... You are way to young and if he is one of your first serious boyfriends than don't do it. As you grow older you will want different thing this is not to say that you still won't want each other. Just give yourself the opportunity to experience life without the huge commitment of marriage. If he truely is your sole mate whether you marry tommorrow or in ten years he will still be there. Hang on and make sure you are 100 %
2007-09-29 13:28:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
ok, well wether u get married or not the love will still be there... u can have the feelings for one another and two years really isnt a long time... everyone has advised me to wait for when its been like five years but dont push/rush things... let everything take its course by itself
2007-09-29 11:23:40 · answer #8 · answered by Kristin 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but it's simply because you are shacking up that he has no need or want to get married.
Plus the two of you are way too young. You need to finish your education, start your career, and live independently in the reality of the world.
2007-09-30 14:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
DO NOT FORCE HIM! If you force him, it would just get worse and worse. Maybe he is scared of getting married and he is wondering what life is gonna be like when he's married. I think he doesn't want to be one of those stressful husband that has lots of problems. Just don't rush him and be patient.
2007-09-29 11:24:32 · answer #10 · answered by HotKids27 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
dont forced him, let him decide because marriage is not just as easy as you think, or its not a game that children plays i tell you young lady...take your time...finish your studies first.
2007-09-29 11:41:40 · answer #11 · answered by sheiprk 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋