my daugther is 14 and has a bf of 17?

Question

when he comes 2 the house 2 see her they go into her room and watch dvds with the door closed how can i make sure that he is not u 2 anything with her

i live in scotland i have asked her if she is doing anything with him and she said no i am close 2 my daugter and trust her

i just want to make sure

i dont let her close the door i open it and 2 mins l8r it is closed

Answer 1

WOAH I think everyone needs to back off a tad and stop being so critisizing!
I don't think your daughter would risk doing stuff with her boyfriend, incase you walked in anyway. I would never want my mum to know if I was doing something!
I think you should take it as a compliment that she brings her boyfriend back to your house at that age. It shows that there is a comfortable relationship between you.
And I think because of this you should just keep the door open. If like you say she keeps closing it, ask her why she closes it. Prove to her that there is no reason for her to keep the door closed, and that you don't mind them hugging and kissing... just nothing else.
If she continues to close the door, talk to her about it. Tell her your fears as a mother, but don't compromise your relationship when you do. What is most important is not making her hate you.

Answer 2

My 15 year old sister in law was going out with a 17 year old last year (when she was 14)

My other half and his brother (her big brothers) were furious, lol! Its a wonder her boyfriend ever came near the house! If he'd put one foot out of line they'd have given him a really good kicking!

It didn't last. They "dated" (ie going to the cinema, watching dvds, playing computer games) for a couple of months and then he found a girlfriend of his own age and she started going out with a boy in her class. I don't think anything physical happened - I think he'd have been too scared of her brothers finding out lol!

I wouldn't worry. It won't last long. However, I agree that they should either watch dvds in the living room or keep the bedroom door open. If they have a problem with this just remind him she's underage

Answer 3

This is every parents, who has a daughter, nightmare.
I have 2 boys, but if i had a daughter, id be sitting down with her talking about responsibilities. Condoms, the pill and learning that its OK to say 'no, I'm not ready'.

If you start banning the boyfriend and your daughter from being alone together in her room, she will think that you don't trust her. That will lead to future problems between you and her and the issue of sex. As far as shes concerned, they're just watching TV.
My friends15 year old sister, who was dating a 20 year old, wanted him to start staying over night. Her parents flat out refused. They then decided that its better for her to be responsible and having sex under their roof, then be irresponsible and having sex somewhere else
Her parents also realized that the 20 year old boyfriend was sensible, trust worthy and patient. They waited till she was 16 and ready. They stayed together for 6 years.
What I'm saying is, is that sometimes you have to give the boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. Not all 17 year old boys have irresponsible sex on the brains.
I know that ill be telling my boys that if they're too afraid to buy condoms themselves, then ask me or their father to buy them on their behalf.

Asking 'Have you had sex?' will appear that you are being intrusive and untrusting in her eyes. Instead, ask her 'Do you feel that you need to go on the pill yet?
Sounds very blunt but its someting that is not often said and tip-toed around. That why there are young teenage mothers. Its hard accepting the fact that your liitle girl is growing into a curious woman but always know that youre doing the right thing
Telling her to keep the door open, making them sit in the living room and setting rules will make her angry and rebellious. Thats the last thing you need. Compromise with her if you must. But personally i would discuss sex, protection and knowing that its ok to say 'No, im not ready'.

Answer 4

Talk to them both about your concerns and insist they keep the door open. Make a deal with them that you won't keep coming in and you'll allow them some privacy but until she's older, the door stays open.

Another option is to install a DVD player in a family room or in the living room and insist they watch the movies there. Do they really have to go to her bedroom? You're the parent, you get to make the rules. At 14 your daughter needs your guidance. Just make sure she understands your reason for doing what your doing. "Because I said so" doesn't really work.

Answer 5

you say you trust her but really you dont, what she is doing (wlosing the door) is for you as well, so you wont go balisticas at her if you see she is cuddling her boyfriend, or making out or whatever, that would put a strain on your motherly-daughterly relationship. why dont you trust her? Ovbiously if you did you would leave her be and trust her to make the right decsion, im sure she would having grown up with such a concerned parent, if not, well maybe you need to talk to her, tell her why its dangerous and the dangers of being in an intimate relationship, shes only fourteen and eventhough it will be uncompfortable maybe you need to know that she wont do anything that will upset you, if your in denial about trusting her youll only end up pushing her away (trust her to make the right decision)

Answer 6

you have to have some trust in your daughter you should know what she is most likely be up to

if you do have concerns why don't you talk to her but do not do it in such a way where she thinks you are trying to split them up because that will drive a wedge in between you and your daughter,

if you do no want her to close the door then why don't you just ask her in an adult way to keep the door open or just a little bit but insure you explain to her that you have trust in her and that it is for your own piece of mind,

if you can level with your daughter then you will both have equal respect for each other then if anything was to happen then your daughter will know she will be able to talk to you and not feel embarassed

good luck hope it all works out for you :)

Answer 7

You need to have a doors open policy in place. Also you can pop your head in constantly to let them know that you are watching them. If they close the door then open it. Your daughter will fight it at first but she will get used to it. You could also go for the no boys in the bedroom rule and make them watch DVD's in the family room/living room area so that there are no doors that can be closed. Stick to your guns on this one.

Answer 8

I'm 14 and would NEVER (well, until I'm about 20) would have a bf that's 3 whole years older than me! The age gap is to big, 17 year olds know alot more than 14 year olds do

Answer 9

Speak to her & tell her that it's not appropriate for her to be closing the door after you have opened it. Tell her that if she closes the door again, they will not be allowed in the room at all, & they can sit in the kitchen with you. That should encourage her to leave the door open ;)

Also, speak to her seriously about sex & contraception! Don't kid yourself, she's 14, if she's not having sex already, she's probably going to be soon......

Another thing - don't force them to break up. That is the worst thing you could do for your relationship with her. If she's in love with him, you will cause a huge rift between you two, & you will never fix it properly. (Happened with me & my mom)

Answer 10

I am a parent of 3, I survived 2 of them becoming adults. As a parent you can't always be in your child's back pocket you can set strict rules and they will go behind your back and do it anyway. You have to have bounderies set for them, like no boys in the bedroom no dating until 16 yrs old and even then it should be with a group of kids. You need to have a trusting relationship with your kids, you need to treat them with respect and love but still maintain the parent role. Value thier feelings and opinions. If none of this is possible just drink alot of booze and hopefully things will work out (just kidding).