How can I get my out of control children to listen to me?

Question

I have 3 kids. A 10 y/o boy, a 9 y/o boy and a 7 y/o girl. They will not listen to anything that my husband or I say! They smart off to us and they beat the crap out of each other. We can't go out alone because they run off every babysitter we get. We can't go out as a family because of the way they act. We have tried EVERYTHING!!! We have grounded them, taken everything out of their rooms, made them sit on their beds, even spanked them. Even tried spending one on one time with each of them. Nothing works. I just can't take it any more. I am afraid of how they will be later in life if I can't get them under control now. Any advice or suggestions will be greatly appriecated.

I have put them seprate but they continue to talk and get up. I just want to sit on them and make them stay put.

I have spanked them bare butt one swat for each year. that still has not worked.

We have had numerous adult babysitters with permission to disipline yet they continue to scare them off too.

Answer 1

First you need to have a talk regarding your expectations. You need to discuss the rules and then be very consistent enforcing them. There is no use what so ever having rules, if you are not consistent in consequences when they are broken.
You need to set up a area for time out. This area should never be in a bed room. Time out is best served in a place that is in full view. Use a chair, blanket or even the bottom step of a stair case.
The rule of thumb is one minute in time out for each year of the child's age. You need to have a audible timer you can set for the minutes.
You take the child to time out and set the timer. If he gets off the chair, stair or blanket, you place him right back on it. If he gets off more than 3 times, you give the skin of the bottom reasonable spanks with your flat hand as to the child's age ( just like the count of minutes in the time out ). He is then placed back in time out and the timer re-set. You have to be very consistent with this and use it each and every time. NO exceptions. If necessary you may have to repeat this more than once till they get the idea.
If you have further questions email me a [e-mail]
( Connie Mom of 4 and 5th. grade teacher )

Answer 2

Well....they need to work as a team...first.

FUN TIMES:
I'd try this: have you and your husband on one side, with your three children on the other side of a ROPE. (let them win). However what this excercise teaches them is team work. Working together they can accomplish anything. Then I would actually buy a poster board for each child. Implement a reward/consequence system...also a 'biggy' here is to actually CATCH them doing something good and make a BIG DEAL out of this...the other children will see this and WANT to do better...I hope. I don't think one on one time is what they actually need right now...(except for you and your daughter going to do girly things and the boys with their father doing boy things) but work as a 'family' together. Play a board game...do some crafts together...'anything' that makes you all sit down and HAVE to talk to one another instead of argue. Final note: A child can't argue by himself...he/she must have someone to argue to..don't let that be you. Siblings should be able to get along all the time...however this isn't a 'perfect' world we live in...so therefore do the very best you can do and it'll work itself out. I do 'not' recommend spanking.

Answer 3

My brother and I were like that. But our parents were divorced and we witnessed violence from our dad when we were real little.
I think the fighting between us finally started slowing down when we were teenagers. And probably completely stopped when I was around 15 he was 14.
We turned out OK. Some minor kinks, but for the most part we're OK.
For some reason, being so close in age to your siblings is hard. Maybe it's because we go through stages at almost the same time. So instead of having one kid stressing out, you have both or all three.
The fact that you trying shows a lot, and not just trying punishments. You're trying show them each attention as individuals. Don't give up, it will pay off. It takes time to change bad habits.
All we got was yelled at and maybe a threat of being grounded. Our behavior changed as we got older and learned to control our anger.
I wish you the best of luck. I wish I could give you some more advice. Just don't give up on them.♥

Answer 4

Different kids respond to different methods. Some kids might respond to kindness and a passive manner, others you need to be aggresive with and scream, you could try bribery (but not in the form of food), and make sure you completely follow through with consequences (no matter how long it takes). Don't let others interfere in your parenting and make sure decisions made by one parent are backed up by the other. Don't lose your cool no matter what and stay in control. You could try positive encouragement e.g. 'i know you can sit down quietly because i've seen you do it before and i'm really proud of you when you do it'. Or 'tough love' and just take everything away from them. I can't tell you what to do, you just need to try different styles and see what works with each child. Whatever style you choose, follow it through and make it stick. Once you find your approach, stick with that also.

If the kids are 'working together' against you, you could try making them turn on each other. Make the consequences of one person affect all, so that they'll put each other into line.
Good luck :)

Answer 5

Sounds like you have the consequences down, now I think you just need to work on the consistency. I suggest writing out a sheet of rules that you pin up for all to see, plus have a copy in each of their rooms. Assign a consequence to each rule should they break it. Ex - If they don't listen after being told to do something (plus given a warning) it's a time out, or if they hit that's a spanking. What ever consequence you deem necessary. This takes the decision of "what punishment" to use completely out of your hands and puts it in theirs. That's why you have a copy in their rooms, so they can read what rule they broke and then pay the price for their actions. The key is to STICK WITH IT.

You said that one on one time is not an issue, THAT'S GREAT. So try and work on consistency. One thing that I've learned so far in parenting it that children don't like spankings or long time outs, therefor when they do something really uncalled for that's exactly what they get.

I do recommend you do a few things different, If time out is not working, make it longer - there old enough to know better, make them sit on their beds for hours at a time, or put them to bed early. As to spanking - Try 2 spanks per year on the bare bottom, but just remember that you must remain calm while spanking otherwise the message is lost. After a spanking make them sit and think on it before you come in and talk things through.

For unruly behavior, one spanking, or one time out won't solve anything. It's consistency in enforcing them. If they break 30 rules that call for a spanking in one month, they get 30 spankings!!!! Same goes with time out. Soon your children will realize that mama means business, and that they don't like being unable to play for hours at a time because their in time out, or they can't stand it when their bottoms glow in the dark and feel like there on fire. They will realize and come around to your way of thinking.

Just make sure you and your husband are on the same page.

Answer 6

The problem is that you have tried everything. You need to decide what discipline approach you are going to use and then stick with it. Remember that things will get worse before they get better because your kids will be testing to see how long it takes before you give up and do something else. Try writing down the rules of the house and then deciding what the consequences are. If you can incorporate rewards, all the better. And then stick to it and BE CONSISTENT. I put this in all caps because I know that it is the hardest thing in the world. That's why it helps to write down the rules. And you have to follow through no matter how tired you are, no matter how inconvenienced you are at the moment, no matter what. When you children see that you really aren't going to back down and flip out, they'll start listening. But you first need to discipline yourself.

Answer 7

I was a bad kid when I was young, and the only thing that worked for me, was a good sound beating and strict punishment. Do NOT back down. When one of them misbehaves, give him or her a chance or two to correct their behavior, and make sure that they are aware of the consequences. Then beat the crap out of them. Bare hand on bare butt, and hit them hard. Do not stop until they are crying. Then continue their punishment by taking away their toys, or the TV. Do not give in, and do not go light. Doing this will let them know that there is a price to pay for everything. It will not be easy as they are already used to getting away with murder, but you have to teach them everything that they have not been been taught before, like discipline and obedience.

Answer 8

You really need to be consistent in what you use as punishment. Spending one on one time is good, but it also has to be consistently done. Sounds like everyone is angry including the adults.
You might call the professionals and get outside help for your family. But even for this to work, it need to be consistent.
When you have a baby sitter, I would try find an adult sitter who is experienced in handling children like yours. Your baby sitter needs to have your permission to discipline if necessary. There is a web based doctor you can email for question and answers. You might have some luck there I don't know. Email is [e-mail]

Answer 9

Strip their bedrooms bare. By law all you have to provide in your child's bedroom is a bed, a sheet and blanket. Everything else (toys, posters on the wall, video games, etc) is considered luxury. You can either drop all of their stuff at the charity shop or allow them to earn their possessions back one item at a time through good behavior and helping around the house. Sit your kids down and explain why you're taking their stuff and what you expect from them behaviour wise. Stand firm and reclaim your authority as a parent.

Answer 10

lol it's just their age. I mean you think their bad. I was probably all three of them in one when i was 7. My mom told me stories of how bad i was. I set a cutain on fire, i kick somone in the head when they were sleeping, i ran away from home to go to the neighbour's son lol, i came home covered in dirt cuz i went 4 by 4ing with the boys, i explored anything with trees and dirt, i wounldn't listen to anyone, and i'd even toture the pets in our home. Lol wow can you imagine? My mom said i smartened up once i turned 11. Don't worry maturity will eventually give in. Just be kind to them even if they make you feel like pulling out your hair. Parents that scream and hit usually end up without their kids because they'll run away. You can punish them, but once they get older ton it down. It's only 3 or 2 more years.