i dont understand why she does this?

Question

why am i always sad? even wen i dont want to be the only time im happy is when im around my big sissy(20) but shes 5 hours away and i cant leave the state because im on probation. am i depressed or just really sad? i dont understand it not one bit. cutting takes my mind off it and ive lost alot of weight because im to sad to eat i used to always laugh and there was never a single time you didnt see me smile but now i cant remember the last time i smiled or laughed. i have 2 brothers one lives in nc hes 11 one lives in va hes 15 we are all spread apart across the country and the only time my mom takes me to see them is when we run out of money and my dad's paycheck comes im different from my brothers idk why my mom always wanted kids she even pretended to be pregnet in high school and even bought paternity clothes. everyone thot she would be the best mom and she was but why was i treated different from the time i was 2 months old to idk what age she drugged me and got me drunk she thot it was funny plus it made me sleep she smokes her pot in my room and hides it in my clothes so that if we get cot i get the blame she doesnt care what i do but my brothers shes strict and protective i lost my virginity not long ago so now i dont even have my innosents wats worse it was to my best friends 33 year old uncle who has a wife and a 2 year old for some pot and now my bff is threatning to tell the cops im already in trouble with the law for bringing a knife to school and am probably going to juvey and if i get in trouble one more time i will be put in foster care. i always wanted to be a daddys gurl but my dad doesnt like me idk why we dont even talk so i couldnt have possibly done anything to him my mom is always asleep so that makes everything so much more depressing i miss my sister and i cant even talk to her on the phone cuz my mom is waiting for one of her boy friends to call she has 2 boyfriends plus a husband and im the only one who knows so if she gets cot talking to one she sumhow can link it back to me she steals my money and im only 12 i make good money bcuz i have a job though. my brothers all are outside playing and laughing im in my room crying and cutting with mascaera running down my cheaks listening to music my stomach hurts all the time and wen ever i do talk at home i get fussed at

and i cant talk to a counselor i hvae tried that b4 and it made things 10x worse and i feel a bit selfish going to someone asking them to help me so i mean now what

Answer 1

Its not your fault that you are sad. It sounds like your mom has not provided a very stable life for you. She has drug you through her crazy life, and has not even realized what it has done to you. You have not gotten the love and support that you needed growing up, and now that you are entering your teens, life is even more confusing, especially if you do not have a firm foundation beneath you. Cutting is not going to help, it only makes things worse in the long run. I know that it is a way to release the emotional pain that is all bottled up inside, but there are healthier ways. Drugs, and sex do not help either. The drugs will just lead you to far worse places, and the sex, well, you don't need to get pregnant on top of everything else you have going on. You need some good supportive friends, who will help you to see that you are a good person, not a failure, and that you are worth more that you can see. Friends that hold you accountable, and do not let you cut, do drugs, or sleep with these guys who obviously are perverts!! Also, do you have a school counselor that you could go to? I think that would be a good first step. Perhaps she can get you hooked up with an outside counselor. They can really help. What kind of things do you like to do? What are you interests? Persue those things, as long as they are healthy. Journal, find out who you are. Have you ever thought about joining a youth church group? It can be helpful, isolating away from the world only increases the depression. If you EVER feel that life isn't worth living, PLEASE go to the hospital emergency room, and let them know. They can get you help. I really hope you can find some help, and supportive friends, this is no way to live. I know, I was there at your age too. Trust me, there is hope.

Answer 2

You need a friend. Not one that will get you into trouble. It is not good to behave in the way that you are behaving... You have choices in your life..You better start making better ones. Life will pass you by in a blink of an eye, how do you want to be remembered. the girl who could never quite get it together or the girl who rose above her surroundings and made something with herself. I am sorry that you can not be with your family, I was in a foster home for two years.. You will get by this time. In the mean time, do everything you can, everyday to make things better in your life.
good luck to you.

Answer 3

it does not make any sense, but i think it does,,,
i know that humans are made of two parts, body and soul,,
people can be happy when pleasuring their bodies and minds, but not forever, because there will be no balance between the two constituents,, so u have to feed ur soul, by knowing first of all, why r u here, who created me , and what shall i do,, when u know this answers , all will make sense,,
and to tell the truth, destiny is that amazing secret, that no human being can explain, but it could be explained by the one who created it,,
for me, any mesory is like a test , which i could pass, and be happy, or fail,, and stay sad,,
a good advice, look at the sky and stars, and believe in the power of the creator..

Answer 4

MY GOSH SWEETIE, THAT IS A LOT TO HANDLE AT YOUR AGE. I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW. IS THERE ANY WAY YOU CAN CALL YOUR SISTER AND LET HER KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON? I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT THE HOUSE THAT YOU ARE IN IS NOT WHERE YOU BELONG. NO PARENT SHOULD PUT ANYTHING ABOVE THERE KIDS. I AM A MOM AND MY KIDS AND I GET ALONG GREAT. I HAVE TWO STEP SONS AND TWO SONS OF MY OWN. THREE OF THEM ARE TEENAGERS SO I UNDERSTAND THE HARDSHIP YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. BOTTOM LINE IS YOU NEED TO IND SOMEBODY YOU TRUST THAT CAN HELP YOU. IT DOESNT MATTER IF IT IS A HELP LINE, A SCHOOL NURSE, OR SOMEBODY LIKE ME ON THE INTERNET THAT YOU CAN HELP YOU ONE DAY AT A TIME. THERE IS NO REASON YOU NEED TO BE IN THE SITUATION YOU ARE IN. TO MANY OF US CARE ABOUT PEOPLE WE DONT EVEN KNOW, LIKE MYSELF. IT BROKE MY HEART WHEN I READ THIS. I REMEMBER FEELING THAT ALONE IN MY LIFE AND FEELING LIKE THERE WAS NO PLACE TO TURN. IF YOU LOOK AROUND, REALLY LOOK AROUND, THERE ARE PLACES TO TURN. THERE ARE PEOPLE YOU CAN CALL. WHAT YOUR MOTHER DOING IS NOT ONLY ILLEAGAL BUT IT IS WRONG. I CAN SEE WHY YOU CARRIED A KNIFE, YOU FEEL LIKE NOBODY CAN PROTECT YOU BUT YOU AND AT YOUR AGE THAT SHOULD NOT BE THE CASE.
AS FOR THE CUTTING, PLEASE BE CAREFUL. YOU KNOW IT CAN GO TO FAR AND YOU CAN DIE. I UNDERSTAND USING THE PHYSICAL PAIN HELPS RELEASE THE MENTAL ANGER BUT IT ISNT THE WAY TO GO. I KNOW YOU ALSO DONT WANT TO BE TAKEN OUT OF YOUR HOME, IT IS THE ONLY HOME YOU KNOW NO MATTER HOW BAD IT IS. BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT, AGAIN, PEOPLE OUT THERE CARE ABOUT YOU! EVEN IF WE DONT KNOW YOU. WE KNOW YOU DO NOT DESERVE, NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE DONE,, TO BE TREATED THE WAY YOU ARE. YOU HAVE TO FIND SOMEBODY YOU CAN TRUST. IS THERE ANOTHER FAMILY MEMBER? A FRIEND? AGAIN, TRY TO CALL YOUR SISTER WHEN YOUR MOM IS ASLEEP. TELL HER HOW BAD IT IS AND THAT YOU NEED OUT BECAUSE YOU ARE HURTING YOURSELF. GET THE HELP, PLEASE

Answer 5

Im crying for you and I'm going to pray that you'll be okay. Make sure you don't get caught up in your wrong doings. Think osotive and believe in yourself. You probably don't need your mom. Love only the people that truley love you. Just make sure you don't runaway because I know people who did and it's not good it equals prison. Be a good kid and say no to drinking and drugs.

Answer 6

I agree with you. Jeff Hardy is entertaining and loves his fans and does lots of stuff for us. You mentioned the 30 foot flip off of a ladder, that is typical Jeff. Jeff is one of my favorites and you never quite know what he is going to do next. You can be sure it will have you on the edge of your seat cheering... Tonight at No Way Out he did a Swanton Bomb off the top of the Elimination Capsule, it was amazing.

Answer 7

wow, you really need to talk to someone, if you want, email me at [e-mail], trust me my life isn't perfect either and maybe if you just talk to me it can help you out...

Answer 8

find someone to talk to . do you have a phone. call someone. being alone is not good for you