i have bpd, but i want to know why do i always expect more of people than they can give?

Question

ive been this way for along time, place high expectations on people to help me, give me answers, advice, expect more from them than they can give...like being clingy feeling.

and when theywithdraw or stop, i get annoyed, like im being abandoned by them, rejected.......i think 'is that it'...and i get really annoyed and upset.
this always then repels people and pushes them away from me.
its like i have a deep desire to be wanted, needed, loved unconditionally most times, for them to always be there....but when people dont live up to these expectations...i feel rejected, hurt and upset.
im 30 years old, have lived alone for two years, feel empty and alone....i have no friends, except online ones.....i feel hopeless, directionless.
i have goals i dont no how to reach, of finding work, moving abroad, finding a fiance.
i feel reliant on help & therapy here though..which is going very slow.
its like i want an instant fix,i want someone to just save me, bail me out.
what can i do?

Answer 1

You just want to get help desparately, and you are not getting the true kind of help you need. You are at least aware, of the way you react, and have had so many dissapointments in life, in your past, that you almost seem to expect them to give you undivided attention, to prove that you are worthy of them. You don't have to have the approval of others, even though you think you do. Learn to love yourself, and I pray in time you will...I wouldn't say an instant fix, I would say the system has failed you so far, and made you wait a horrendously long time for help. It's not your fault, it is just the way the system does people, all people, not just you.

Answer 2

Well you have really answered your own question, High Expectations. The higher you place the bar, the higher other people have to jump to clear it. Therefore lower your own expectations. Life for most people is work, rest and if you are lucky small play time. Society has changed, cash rich but time poor, so many people do not have TIME. However high expectations always end up in severe disappointment and that is why you then feel rejected. If you lower your expectations of other people, realize they are just human and not perfect, then you will be able to deal with the human frailty and I have yet to meet a Human who is perfect. Instant fix, no such thing, you have to first fix yourself, change your perception, figure out who you are, what you need from life, please note need rather than want, two different things and only then can you apply the same expectations to other humans. I WANT Mel Gibson, my high expectation and I know I will never get Mel Gibson. However all I NEED is a friend.

Answer 3

Its part of the condition placing unreal demands on people and when they cannot meet your needs and expectations, it seems to be their fault. You are a perfectionist, which is not a bad thing in itself, only when your ideals become so high that the people in your life have no choice but to fail...

This behaviour is called 'splitting' where you divide the world into being for you or against you, with you taking no responsibility for the situation and passing the blame. Don't feel bad about this, its just part of the complex mental condition that is BPD.

Once you realise your expectations are probably unreasonable for anyone to meet and that your view of the situation is skewed, it easy to fix by taking responsibility for yourself and trying to fulfil your own needs as much as possible and stop wanting for the knight in shining armour to save you.

Therapy and medication can really take the edge off your condition and allow you to lead a very full, rich life. I urge to seek help asap. Good luck!

Answer 4

hi hon...

you are typical of a bpd patient, and believe me when i say it's not your fault you have this illness.

there are many forums and websites relating to borderline personality disorder. Perhaps you could join a forum to communicate with your peers.. you will receive good support and advice and you'll see what others with BPD are going through, as well. I have listed three forums sites below.

therapy also helps... and have you heard of EMDR Therapy? You can do a yahoo search for this to see if it's something you'd be interested in... and talk with a therapist to see if it's available in your area.

i hope you will consider therapy? and be consistent about it.

take care of YOU...

Answer 5

There are no magic pills or quick fixes. You alone have to take charge of your life. Quit depending on others for help and pick yourself up and do something. Even if you have setbacks it is better than living your present life.

Get out and enjoy life!

Answer 6

Take your medication regularly, then get away from your computer and go out into the world and make it your mission to find some real friends. The best way to make a friend is to BE one. Good luck!

Answer 7

Start depending on yourself.

Also, you mention that all you have are "online friends." Try to develop real relationships; online ones are not typically genuine; you're believing that they are and putting too much stock in them.

No one is going to save you. You have to start saving yourself.

Answer 8

You will learn what you want to do with your life, you will get better, you will be strong, you must believe in yourself. I know how it feels to be alone. I know what it's like to not have friends. Please take care of yourself. If you have faith in God please pray and attend church as often as you can. You will make friends, and you will find happiness, just trust that things will get better!