Women in the home versus working?

Question

Ok, have seen a fair bit said here over the months in GWS about how women should stay at home and look after the house, the kids and her husband and shouldn't go out and try and get a career or even simply work at all.
But isn't it unfair to the husband if the woman isn't out there earning money as well once the kids are old enough in order to help ease the burden on the husband working so many hours?
Wouldn't it be taking the easy way out if the woman remained at home once the children are school age,etc?

Also, if fathers are important to their children, why is it ok for them to have careers and mothers to not have careers?
Children need both parents to be there for them and I've heard of many men feeling resentful that they are being overworked and have not enough family time. Someone does have to bring in the money, yes, but why not both parents share the burden?
Thoughts please?

Answer 1

I agree, I think both men and women should take turns taking care of their children when they are young, so both have the opportunity to bond with their children when their children are young.

I also think both men and women should work outside the home when the children are older, but should take turns working at jobs that allow each to be at home when the kids come home from school.

I think our jobs are set up in a crazy way, so there is the least likelihood that both parents can take care of their children when they are young, and make it difficult for parents to caretake their children as they grow older.

I think feminists and non-feminists alike should fight for parental rights for both men and women. Until both men and women have equal rights to caretake their children, and do, caretaking will remain a woman's job. And women will be discriminated against in the workplace if they dare have a child. And men will continue to be discriminated against if they dare take care of their child as well. All families are affected by this sexist attitude, and all women are affected by the assumption that we all will reproduce.

Until the workplace is flexible for both men and women, women will continue to be thought of as the one who is not committed to her job or career, and penalized for it. Until both men and women are equally responsible for their children's upbringing, women will be more likely to be fired and less likely hired, since they will be assumed to be less dedicated to their career. If both parents are assumed to be caretakers, neither gender will be penalized for being parents. This will affect the salaries of all families.

The sexist idea that women should be the primary caretaker only reinforces the sexist idea that only women should get custody of their kids, which I also disagree with. I don't think either gender is superior to the other to caretake children, and until men equally caretake their children when they live with them, they will continue to be discriminated against in our society when they want shared or sole child custody.

Until both men and women share child care responsibilities through out their child's life, both will face gender discrimination in the workplace and in child custoday. And whatever affects married men and women in the workplace, usually affects single men and women as well.

It benefits all of us if men and women are equal caretakers.

Edit: But do I think all women should work outside the home? If they want to yes, otherwise, they have to work it out with their partner. Do I think all men should work outside the home, again if they want to, and work it out with their partner. I know both can't stay at home all the time but both can take turns if they aren't obsessed with keeping up with the Joneses. Both my parents took turns taking care of us; so it can be done.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

There is a lot of work within the home. Someone has to do it. Either men and women can try to split it 50-50, squeezing everything into the evening and weekends, or one spouse can specialize in earning money while the other specializes in running the household. This arrangement leaves everyone with more free time - all the work is done by 6pm in my household, leaving us free to play with the kids and watch tv together.

I don't have a problem with anyone having careers, father or mother. I have a problem with people assuming that working for pay is somehow more valuable than running the household. if my husband disappeared, I'd have major problems - but he'd have major problems if *I* disappeared, as well. I also have a problem with the idea that pursuing money and a high-status career makes you smarter or a better person somehow. Both parents should be working - for pay or otherwise - for the benefit of their families. Some families decide that it benefits everyone more if one of those parents has plenty of "free time" to run the household. Ours is one of them.

To answer your question..... If my husband shared the burden of being responsible for the household, (including organizing my autistic son's therapy), then I would also share the responsibility and worries of earning money. Neither of us wants to do that.

Answer 4

Both going out to work and maintaining a home have value. Consider how much it would cost the 'bread winner', whether it is the mother or the father, to hire someone to do the domestic duties even without the children there.
Having said that I personally believe that equality in a relationship is a barrier against resentment. And quality time (playing and learning rather than just looking after, feeding cleaning) with the mother and the father will benefit the children.
So perhaps the woman does not have to go out to work, but find a way of making money even if it is from the home, though to tell you the truth when there are young children there simply isn't enough time in the day.

Answer 5

I think a balance can be achieved and that balance will be different for each couple. Rather than lament about the unfair aspects, why not make a conscious choice about dividing up the responsibilities and each partner accept and embrace the decision they make together?
If one income is adequate and one partner wants to be an at-home parent, embrace that arrangement.
If both are career oriented, divide up the household chores so that both participate in maintaining the home, and both are actively involved with children.
The key here, IMO, is to make a CONSCIOUS decision, not assume that "the other partner will handle it, " or follow some set of prescribed roles just because that's how someone else does it.

Answer 6

The family should deal with its needs according to the individual situation. Let's face it. Not too many households CAN make it on one income these days. The flip side is Mom is not around as much to make sure the kids learn proper nutrition, exercise habits, and general discipline.

The life expectancy of our children is said to be of a lower age than their parents. The kids are not being taught how to take care of their bodies and eat fast food four times a week at least. 50% of all Americans now have a mental illness of some kind, and diabetes has spiked alarmingly. Why do you suppose that is???

Answer 7

I have done both-worked and stayed at home (even with grown up kids).

I truly believe that either way can work well if both spouses are in agreement. Every situation is different; and circumstances can change even for the most 'stable' couple. I simply do not believe that this can be an 'either/or' question with only one perfect answer.

I love my work, and enjoy the opportunities I've had to work outside the home. I know that if my circumstances change, I can take care of myself.

I've also appreciated the ability to not hold down a job. I've been able to travel with my husband. We spend far more time together. I helped take care of his mom and dad when they were sick. I was able to drop and run to my oldest daughter who lives out of state when she had a crisis. I was able drop and run to help my sister who lives out of town when her house burnt down. I did some research for my husband.

My life isn't boring, whether I work for someone else or not...;)

Answer 8

I personally think in today's world it is very difficult, if not nearly impossible, to survive on one salary....but some people do it and I applaud them.

If a couple can manage on one salary and the wife (or husband) wants to stay home with the children while they are small.....I say, go for it. It's a personal choice and as long as they aren't going on welfare to do it...more power to them!!

But if a woman DOESN'T want to stay at home and raise her child when it's small and wants to go back to work (as I did) because they need the income or just because she wants a career....then more power to her too. Again, it goes back to that personal decision thing!! I chose a good daycare for my son; it was YMCA run and was very good. I could go see him anytime I wanted, it was on the base I worked on, we had lunch together numerous times and he loved it. He is now a very responsible, well-adjusted 18 year old that just started his freshman year of college and I don't believe that my decision to go back to work has "warped" him in any way, shape or form. We needed the money and I was very career-minded at the time.

It is a decision that has to be made by each individual couple and NO ONE ELSE and nobody should condemn someone for their decision. Women or men who stay at home work just as hard, but in different ways, as men and women who work outside of the home. There is just still a stigma to "staying home to take care of the kids" and not working outside of the home that infers "not working", which is so wrong.

It's just a personal decision and I don't think it really affects the children that much. I had a stay-at-home mom until I was 8, then my parents divorced and I was a latchkey kid after that and took care of looking after my brothers and myself after school until my mom got home from work because she was a single parent until I turned 14. Was I somehow permanently scarred from this? I doubt it....I just became alot more independent and more responsible at a younger age. My son seems to have turned out fine and I went back to work when he was 8 weeks old, so I'm not convinced that daycare and my not staying home scarred him either. But no matter what....it has to be a decision made by both parents and is no one else's business!!

Answer 9

What is this - the 1950's?!?!?

It is VIRTUALLY impossible to support a household (even if it's only three people) on ONE income alone - even two is cutting it close these days!

This is the 21st century here - and attitudes like these need to be thrown away. It is important for BOTH parents to have a hand in raising the children - otherwise, THEY will end up without proper role models.

Letting the TV (or god forbid, the Internet) raise your kids is just WRONG - and anyone who takes this lazy way out don't deserve to have children in the first place!!!

Answer 10

I don't think we can mandate or make choices for others. If some women want to stay home fine- but I would never make that choice. The only women I want to mandate working are those on welfare.

My husband and I shared the raising of our children as best we could. We made decisions for both of our careers and our family.

Answer 11

Amen to this! I think women and men both need to share all responsibilities. My EX-wife thought that she was just going to stay home but at the time we needed money and she said "Well women don't work when they have children!" I told her this isn't 1950 and that we both need to work so as to provide a better life for our family. I was having a hard time with being the only bread winner and then getting off and taking care of my son all night just to get up and go back to work. She complained about how much tougher she had because she was home with the baby all day but the fact is she only took care of him for the time I was at work and then as soon as I walked through the door I took over everything form diaper duty (which she didn't like to do at all!) to feeding him, cleaning the house, shopping...etc! I would get 3-4 hours of sleep and then have to go to work. My ex was in the process of killing me! Then she said "Well how about I work and you stay home with him!" and you know what I said "OK when can this happen?". She didn't like that at all and said "Men work, women stay home and raise the kids!". This is what happens when you marry someone who is spoiled and thinks that because she carried a baby for 9 months and gave birth that she granted special privileges and is more important then her husband! After the baby comes out we are at that point equal on all grounds!