I have an 8 month old daughter and i married to a man other tham her father. My husband doesnt feel that my daughter should have any contact with her father and it has a lot to do with the fact that i cheated on him while we were dating. On the other hand the father of my daughter is doing all that he can to help, diapers, money regulary, etc. I have even met with him so that he can visit with my daughter without telling my husband. We are going to child support court in the near future to make payment arrangements. Any way my husband doesnt want my daughters father to have any contact with her period. Keep in mind he has a son of his own, and the relationship between his sons mother and him is not cordial at all. I am confused, Shall i continue to allow her father to see her and provide for her or shall i discontinue? Is my husband being childish?
2007-09-28 18:36:15 · 13 answers · asked by Beauty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Everyone one deserves to know their heritage. Your husband is wrong. Your daughter deserves to know who her biological father is. If you are all healthy about this, your daughter will grown up loving your husband as well as her biological father. Children are very resiliant. And you werent the only one who made this child either. You may have carried the child, but your ex has just as many rights as you have to be a father to his child. You and your husband need to get into counselling because your daughter will end up very damaged if he is so pig headed about the no contact bit. A counsellor will talk about the child's right's....and it is the child's right to know its father. Hes not a horrible person by the sounds of it, so why shouldnt he be allowed to have contact with his daughter. You husband is wrong.
2007-09-28 18:44:50 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love your daughter then you will focus on HER RIGHTS! She didn't ask to be born, but now that she is, she has rights. A child has the right to have both parents in their life, as long as it is safe- apparently it is. She has the right to love and be loved by her natural dad. Your husband and you need to get to the bottom of this through counseling because he is being totally unreasonable. It isn't his decision and the whole guilt trip is a way to manipulate.It's no wonder he and his ex can communicate. He is scared and jealous.
If you read very many of the postings on this and other sites- children cry out to be with their real parents, suffer under fighting adults and carry the burden of their fighting parents there whole lives. Its great to know there is a man willing to step up to the plate and be a dad in that situation.
2007-09-29 02:59:57 · answer #2 · answered by atheleticman_fan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's great that the father of your daughter is showing interest in her. So many fathers out there abandon child and childs mother when someone better comes along. Contact is good since he is willing. Maybe he should get court ordered visitation rights if you feel that he can be trusted with her.
2007-09-29 02:18:49 · answer #3 · answered by C B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he feels threatened. If I understand it correctly, you cheated on your husband with this man and got pregnant? I think he thinks if you did it once, by allowing this man to have contact with your daughter, it could happen again. Is your current hubby willing to support your girl and treat her like his own in exchange for complete faithfulness? Are you willing to allow him to and be completely faithful? How much do YOU want the other man to be involved? Your daughter has the right to know her father, but you need to put your marriage first if it's what you believe is BEST for your daughter. You need to think about what's in her best interest and go with it. Explain to him that this other man is not a threat and prove it, possibly by including him at child exchanges. Either way, I disagree that he's being selfish...I think he needs to know that you love him and don't want to see the father for reasons of your own.
2007-09-29 01:53:10 · answer #4 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is up to you, your husband should support you in your decisions instead of going against you.
If your ex and your daughter have a good relationship, you dont want to ruin that just because your husband says so.
You've got to think of the child here, is your daughter has a good relationship with her dad, she is not going to want to loose him, i know she is only 8 months old, but at this young age she still has feelings, and it will affect her when she gets older.
You need to make your husband understand that you are doing this for the benefit of your daughter and tell him that he has to understand, and has to trust you on the desicions you make.
He cant make this desicion for you, he is not the father of this child and he cant decide what relationship she has with her real father.
That is up to you, and if when your daughter gets older and she doesnt want contact with her father, then thats a different story, but at the moment you've got to make that desicion for her, and you've got to decide what is best for her, not for your husband.
I hope you make the right decision and your husband will have to understand and learn to live with it.
What he does with his son is his choice, and what you do with your daughter is your choice.
Goodluck.
2007-09-29 02:07:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should still allow the baby and her biological father have contact. She will end up hating you in the long run if you forbid him and her to have a father/ daughter relationship now. And YES your husband is being very selfish and not even thinking about your daughter. Tell him to grow up.
2007-09-29 04:31:12 · answer #6 · answered by merry_1014 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father of your daughter has every right to see her. You see should be greatful that he does and is offering to help you out so much. Just because your husband has a child with another woman and it isn't a good one doesn't mean your relationship with your daughters father will turn out to be that way.
2007-09-29 01:41:27 · answer #7 · answered by jaimie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your husband is being childish. You owe it to your daughter to allow her father to ne there for her. Your husband needs to understand that. I married someone other than my childs father and we have an understanding. I ask him for advice about our situation, but the final decision is mine. They same goes with his children. Also if you are having to lie to your husband it will blow up in your face. He is in the wrong. If her father wasn't trying to help he would ne complaining. Talk to your husband tell him that he has to put all personal feelings to the side. Good luck.
2007-09-29 02:10:30 · answer #8 · answered by specialsuber 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should let your daughter's dad see her. Your husband is being very selfish. Tell your daughters dad to go to court and make his visitations with his daughter a court order, then your husband has nothing to say about it any more.
2007-09-29 01:49:35 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Allow her father to see her unless it would be harmful to her to see her. If your husband continues to do this, you may want to rethink the marriage. He sounds controlling. It would be harmful to you in the long run if your daughter doesn't see her dad, she may hold it against you and that isn't what you want.
2007-09-29 01:40:48 · answer #10 · answered by ~Katie~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋