major problems with husband need help!!?

Question

my husband wont give me anyt time, always doing work on his laptop. when i ask for time he gets irritated and tell me to go away EVERY SINGLE TIME ..he is loving at times but mostly not. things were different before marraige he cared more but now its like i m just some furniture who sits around in the house. i have a 11 month baby whom i love more than anything so spend with him mostly. i knwo hes not cheating coz hes always home on time. i keep myself bz and do all the work around the house btu if something little stays undone he gets mad.. we never have sex either and imean NEVER.. last time was somewhere in july ..and that too he jsut wanted to get it over with.. should i leave him alone and wait for him to realzie that i am hurt.. what should i do???? very sad

i have spoken up..i either get complete silence or we get into a fight he never understands EVER

he is doign work on the computer coz i can see when i walk by..its never anything stupid like affair or porn

Answer 1

You need to discuss this. Pick a time and place where you will not be interupted by ANYTHING. Turn off the phone, send the baby to grandmas, and just talk.

Don't be too aggressive but also don't let him walk all over you. He needs to know that this is hurting you and you are feeling neglected... maybe he does not realize it.

Give him time to change, and if in 6 months things are the exact same... maybe it is time for a trial seperation.

I don't think you should automatically get divorced now, but your relationship is not healthy. It is not just the lack of sex, but it seems there is no intimacy or friendship. That is what a marriage is all about, having a partner in life, someone to witness your life with you. If he is not being that person, find someone who will.

Answer 2

It sounds like a very stressful situation! A lot of relationships experience these kinds of problems, particularly when the couple goes from living separately to living together. The two of you no longer really have a place that you can go to if you get irritated, and you just end up grating on each other more and more. Aside from the obvious advice of seeing a counselor (which I can't recommend enough--it will help out even happy and well-balanced couples), you should try taking short vacations from one another. See if you can get out of the house without him for awhile, and visit some friends or family. You don't really have to stay away overnight (although that would probably be better), but try to be away during the day for a few days in a row. That should give the both of you some time to unwind, and will make him miss all the good things about you that made him fall in love with you in the first place.

Until then, try to give him his space, and be as positive as you can when you do interact. Often, people who experience these problems in relationships tend to outwardly express their worries to their partners excessively, which only irritates them more and keeps the problems in the spotlight. When you want to spend time with him, try not to make it a right-now thing, instead suggest an activity that the two of you can do together that could happen sometime in the next couple of days. Men can be very singleminded when it comes to things, and some men do not deal well with being distracted from what they are doing.

Once you've given him enough time alone for him to cool off a little, I think you'll find that the sexual problems will disappear also. Despite the stereotype that men want sex all the time, we can be very sensitive about the subject, and when a woman pushes the issue and the man isn't in the mood, he will most often respond by pushing away even harder. When this becomes a pattern, problems can develop. To help him along, try being a little more sexy without directing it right at him. For example, you might try wearing some sexy lingerie that compliments your figure. Let him see you in it, but don't come on to him. Try not to make it obvious that you're doing it to get a response from him, just try to be a little sexier and let him come around.

Answer 3

As much as that hurts, one part of me wants to ask you to give him a chance, while monitoring what he's up to with his computer. Make sure also that you are well conversant with computers. You don't want let him get out of sight (with his computers). I am the right guy to answer this because I am also in computers and get deep into it when I mean business. Does he have a full time job in computers or is he out of work and trying to set something going. If he is, he might be trying to do something for both of you more especially so now that there is a child in the equation. Sometimes it get to you that even to make love to you is a burden because he feels ike he's using you no matter how sweet. In that case thats a guy for you. Otherwise, if he is just fooling around with his computer at the same time knowing that you have no knowldge of computers, then If I were you, I would beef up your computer skills of catching someone in the act of online cheating.

I wish you all the best and good luck. Keep your eyes open and as long as hedoesn't get out of sight.

KEEP WATCHING HIM.

Enjoy your baby.

If he's trying to make ends meet (meat) with his lapatop, maybe try to offer him that you want to pick up a job that will help him pay some of the bills while taking care of the baby.

His answer to this will give you a lot of clues as to his destiny.

Merci.

Answer 4

Wait until he's done with his work on the laptop.

A young relationship, a baby, a home, a lot of responsibilities.

as a young man, he can not be distracted in pursuing income, he wants to know that you are doing your part by keeping the place clean while he continues losing hair. Maybe he is thinking that you need a life of your own, that he can't live it for you, like a job or hobby that keeps you busy.

He may be regretting a lot, especially having the child and additional responsibilities. Life's tough.

Major Problems or a Simple lack of understanding and appropiate behavior on your behalf??? You only mentioned what he does to you.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear but did your physicial feature change much after the baby? I'm thinking that could be a factor and if so shame on him.

This may sound silly but if he won't talk and is always on the computer, try to email him to get his attention or better yet, leave a little note where he lays the laptop down to work about how you feel.

Talk to family member of his. They know him alot longer and might have a way to et thru to him. Only do this if you feel he won't go overboard or get physical.

Answer 6

Oh hon, my heart goes out to you. I can't even begin to imagine how lonely that life must be. But there is an upside. You've realized there is a huge problem and you are talking about. Now you just need to talk to him about it. Sit down and have a heart to heart. Tell him exactly what you told us and how hurt you are by his actions towards you. If nothing changes, you are going to have to start getting out of that house to get some adult interaction. I know you love your son, but let the hubby babysit, call a few girlfriends and go somewhere for a few hours. Start finding yourself before you lose it completely. You said he was affectionate before you got married...with that being the case, go back to being the strong independent woman he met and desired. Don't rely on him for your happiness hon. that has to come from within. I know it's easier said than done, but sweetie, you have to give him those reasons to want you. Right now he's taking advantage of you and knows that you will always be there. Don't let him continue to do that. you deserve to be happy too.

Answer 7

Divorce the a**hole and get a court order/restraining order to keep away from your house. See if you can get some of his ex employers to speak to family services (ergo not in court) about his behavior. If the court believes he is so irresponsible that he can't be trusted with the child on his own, there's a very good chance visitation rights will only be permitted under supervised conditions - where you would take the child to a county facility and county employees would supervise (oversee) his visits. That, of course, costs money that he would have to pay - not you, and with his splendid work record I'm sure that would last about 15 minutes. Get the best female divorce atty you can find and get rid of the jerk. Good luck.

Answer 8

look back over the time when you first met and what drew you to each other, start doing what you use to do to arose him and yourself, rekindle the flames hes bored you just had a baby and if the last time was in july you need to question somethings thats a while and your married , i have a hard time if its been a day. open and and be truthful but keep your composure and always come to him in a loving manner and more than anything if you know the lord pray , cause a family that prays together stays together!

Answer 9

Sounds like you and him need some marriage counseling.I am not sure what the cost is though.My husband gets like that at times but he has a very stressful job and he is tired so I give him space.Have you tried putting on a teddy?Not trying to pry but my husband can never resist a teddy.And it wouldn't hurt to ask one of your parents to baby sit for you one night and go out to a movie and/or dinner together.Does he actually say "GO AWAY" or does he say like "I'm just really busy right now"?He may just be really stressed and may just need some space but if it continues then it may be more and you deserve to be treated with love and affection.Good luck and I wish you the best.

Answer 10

Visit New Life ministries. They're pretty awesome and very helpful!

You need to rebuild intimacy with your husband. Show him that you are interested in him- wear something cute, make an effort to make time for him, hire a babysitter and take him out for dinner & a movie, reconnect.

Tell him that you are concerned. Tell him that you need his attention because of how much you love him. Tell him that you are feeling lonely, like a piece of furniture, and miss him.

He might be cheating on you-- might be cheating on you online.
Maybe look into a book called Everyman's Battle.