My fiancee is active duty military (Navy). When his divorce was final they had no custody arrangement for the children, and now she is taking full advantage of this. He calls 5-6 times a week and he never gets a hold of her to talk to his children. He has transferred to another state and hasn't seen or talked to them in over 2 months, and its not for the lack of trying. The only time he hears from her is when she asks for more money "for the kids". She is already remarried (to the guy she cheated on him with, whom also cheated on his wife with her), and he is in the Navy as well. There is no reason she should need more money to "support the children". My fiancee would like to go to court to A) Get the child support lowered, B) Get a custody arrangement set up, and C) Possibly seek custody of the children. However, he doesn't feel that it is possible for him to get any sort of custdoy. The children respond better to him and he can financially support them. Any thoughtsor suggestions?
2007-09-28 16:45:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
On a second note, it really shouldn't matter that he is active duty, because her new husband is in the Navy actvie duty as well. So I guess I don't see how it matters either way.
2007-10-01 08:59:22 · update #1
Custody is a hard thing. Most states tend to give custody of the children directly to the mother unless the father can prove that the mother is unfit. Being active duty military is even harder. What I would recommend is that he go in and try to atleast get joint custody. Only problem with that is that he and his childrens mother recently live in different states. Maybe the best choice is to ensure that he has written visitation rights. This will make it that if she does not allow him to see the children during the agreed upon dates she may lose custody. As for the child support, he should not care how much he is paying as long as it is going to his children.
2007-10-06 08:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by beachnerjl2 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A ton of suggestions honey. I had a friend in a similiar situation and we were at Senate level dragging everyone and anyone into it, media included, just to get some results. Right now your husband is in a catch 22. Because he's on active duty, he can't be part of any legal proceedings. However, there's a loophole there. You can get the paperwork together, file it for him and get a court date that coincides with any leave time or his return date if he's over seas. Since it's family court, they will hear the proceedings and issue a temporary order until he's off of active duty and can return to court to finish the proceedings. Here's how to start this on your own:
Go to your state's website. Look for the legal icon, click on it. Look for down loadable forms, click on it. Search for a form called "Order to Show Cause" and "Modification of Order". You are going to need his original divorce papers for this, the judgement disclosure, not the proof of divorce. On the order to show cause form, you are going to demand that she explain why she is preventing visitation and not returning phone calls or having the children return them. (It's against the law to keep a child from another parent, and it's highly frowned upon by our legal system if it's a military personnel) You will need a log of the calls, possible phone bills the phone company will provide, and the dates of when he's tried to obtain the children for visitation or asked to have them. She'll have to answer to the court for this. On the Modifcation of Order form, you are going to ask for a visitation agreement FIRST for joint custody. Since it's between states, asking for extended holidays (Christmas & Spring break) as well as summer vacation with phone calls 2 - 3x's per week is the norm. Then ask for a set rate on child support (Most states are going to this) They cannot take his active duty pay since it's temporary...only his normal pay and probably insurance benefits. Unless there are arrears, then calculate a fair amount ($15 - $25) on top of the flat rate until the arrears are caught up. After that, suggest split travel costs. One picks up, the other returns.
It's easy so far, but it's going to get harder. He has to file in the state where he got divorced. Reason being, is that she still resides there...so do his children. Courts will not make the children travel for interviews with social workers and guardian adlitems. Which means you are going to have to contact the clerk of courts in her county, be extra sweet, and they will help you out with the filing fees and how to process all this via the mail. It is going to take a little longer, but it'll get done the same.
Now, if the two of you want custody, it's a different ballgame. I'm not saying it's in their best interest or it isn't. I'm going to be honest and let you know you are going to be fighting an uphill battle that you probably won't win. Reason being is that he's in the military. The courts consider that an unstable environment because of the moving around, the war and possible deployments. It's not fair, but it's a sad reality. So unless it is something the children want and they are at least 12 - 13 years of age, where they get to be heard in court and choose, or their mother is completely unfit, it's not likely to happen and it will drain you financially and emotionally before you realize it.
I hope this helps you some honey. I'm not sure what state you are residing in, but your fiance's JAG officer should be able to provide some assistance on this. And if you have questions, get some free legal advice first. Your fiance does have rights, and his children have a right to their father. If she's preventing that, then you have to file these papers.
I wish you luck honey.
2007-09-28 17:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There is no such thing as a military divorce. All divorces are civil matters. Having said that, the amount of child support is based on income. If there is a court order in place that states how much child support he should pay, then that's what he needs to pay. The only way he could petition the courts to lower the amount is if his circumstances changed and he suddenly started making significantly less money. As for sending more money whenever his ex asks for it, he is not obligated to do that and he is in fact a fool to do so.
2014-11-28 18:28:48 · answer #3 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because she's remarried doesn't mean he has too not pay as much child support as he's been paying. Even though the mother of his child is moved on doesn't mean another man should pay for his kids. Second he has a slim chance of getting custody of the children especially if she isn't unfit. He can get some order saying that they come too him every summer and every other holiday and that's it. The courts can not make her pick up the phone when she doesn't want too. I mean if she doesn't let them talk too him then that's what it is. It's sad but some females are like that. I mean if u get a court order at least u know that he will be seeing them at least twice a year at that. And word of advice let him handle his ex. Be there for support but don't get involved it isn't ur place.
2015-12-06 20:50:23 · answer #4 · answered by Alexandria 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why wasn't there any custody/support arrangements made at the time of divorce? Her marital status has nothing to do with your fiance's child support obligation. Since he is in the Navy and can be transfered all over the globe it would be very difficult for him to get custody because his ex will ALWAYS have a say as to whether her children can or can not go with their father and if she can't be proven an ufit parent then he isn't going to get custody. His ability to financially support them has nothing to do with it...he can support them without them being in his custody.
2007-09-28 21:23:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only way to settle these issues is through a good family attorney. They will access your hubands finaces and come to an agreement with the custody matter. There should not be a
problem with getting some kind of shared custody. Sometimes parents can settle trrough mediations. This saves time and money if both parties can agree.
2007-10-06 16:44:57 · answer #6 · answered by MESSENGER 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that is odd on his part, why didn't he file for custody of his kids or join custody? if he agree to the child support then he should requested some kind of custody of his kids. when the next time she call him for more money, he should get her address and a phone number that she can be reach at (but don't send any more money). Since she is remarried then the step dad should help out taken care of her kids. this should teach him a lesson for messing around with another married woman with kids. what he should do it go to his legal (JAG) and get some better advice on how to settle this problem. mostly he will have to find himself a civilian lawyer to take his case. from what you're saying that he have a good chance to get some kind of custody of the kids. for the child supports its depends if his ex's wife is working, how much does her new husband makes (he need to find out his rank and how long he been in the service), how much support that he is paying out to his ex wife and if they have children as well. that will be the main factors if he can get his child support reduce. good luck
2007-09-28 17:02:56 · answer #7 · answered by Thomas 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
well since her new man is in the military and your man is in the military that any military member will NOT get custody because of his prior responsilbities to the military. The children will stay with the mother most likely since she can keep them settled and in one spot and not making tons of military moves.
If they are already divorced than it is your finance's fault for not making sure his kids were taken care of at that time. If he wants to change visitation and custody it is very likely he will need a lawyer.
2007-10-06 08:13:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As far as visitation, any time he's in the area on a day that visitation is scheduled, he can see his daughter (supervised by his mother - if he's not there, your daughter stays with you. The grandmother doesn't get visitation unless you want to allow her to have it). No special dispensation (like you have to fly to Europe, or he gets all his days as a two week visit, or any such nonsense). To change child support, wait until he starts earning money, then see an attorney - you have to petition the court for a change in the agreement. (You'll get it if the current CS amount is based on his being unemployed.)
2016-04-06 06:20:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact Cordell & Cordell
He has the right to see his children. He can also get the child support lowered if they have joint custody or none if he gets full custody.
Good luck because today's court systems are geared to the mom's whether they are skanky or not.
Been there, done that with my husbands ex.
2007-10-06 07:53:26 · answer #10 · answered by Gabby H 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋