what do you think about this situation..?

Question

i love my boyfriend to death but there are some things about him that bother me. at first it was that he didn't want me talking to him while my friends are around i accepted then it lead to don't talk to one of my best friends who i have known since she was born next came any guys and now he doesn't want me to talk to anyone not even a hello not even teachers at my school he is really paranoid about getting cheated on and i have told him that i would never do that and i dont want to hurt someone that i love i know why he has these trust issues but i don't know how to break him out of this habit it is affecting our relationship it really hurts me when he falsely accuses me i tell him this then he apologizes and i know he means it but the next day he does it again i am scared to tell him somethings because im afraid he will get mad he gets mad at me for stupid reasons and half the time i dont even know what i did .. what do you think?

thank u for all ur insight i have told him and i told him that its not right that he doesn't trust me hes like that cause he was cheated on nd his parents and stuff but i mean im not his ex girlfriend nd i wouldnt hurt him like that hes not physically abusive at all and he knows what thats like and wouldnt want to hurt another human being but i dont get it because he told me that he truely loves me and hes not trying to hurt me he thinks that i am the one causing him pain when i am not doing ANYTHING as i have stated lol but its hard cause i need him to understand how i feel

well i was thinking that he is only acting like this because he may feel jealous that i am not talking to him 100% of my day but i mean he tells me he needs his space i say ok me too he has never!! tried to hurt me ever ever and i have asked him why he accuses me .. is it a guilty conscience? and he said no he hasn't done anything to be guilty about which i trust him about that cause i am a trust worthy and honest person which i have told him that also

Answer 1

Can you say "CONTROL FREAK"! Sounds like he's trying to hold you hostage! I'd get out of that relationship NOW! Ü

Answer 2

I think you need to RUN, not walk and get away from him. Sooner than you think, he will alienate you from every one you know. Usually men like this end up abusive. He is trying to control you and there is a reason he doesn't want you to have any friends - he doesn't want them to tell you he is doing something wrong. If you have no one but him - he had all the power and all the control. This is a form of abuse don't be flattered and think it is because he "loves you so much". It is extremely disfunctional and abusive to do this to someone. Get out before you can't.

Answer 3

You can't blame your bf for thinking that...it's in the back of everyone's mind. But for him to tell you that you can't speak to anyone is a bad sign. Honestly until you two make a commitment to eachother (marriage) then he has no right to tell you who you can and cannot talk to. I mean really what else is he going to tell you not to do? I know that being in love you have to sacrifice somethings, but becoming a dayum hermit because your bf has trust issues is a little too much. You deserve to have friends too.

Answer 4

Sounds kind of typical for high school, sorry!

Really though...in the past I have found that if a boyfriend is constantly accusing me (falsly) of flirting or cheating or something of that nature, it is usually because he feels guilty of having done it himself. This is not always the situation, but 9 times out of 10 it seems to be.

I would be very careful with a relationship like this. You never want to change who you are for somebody else. If you are not cheating, you have nothing to worry about. The problem lies with him. You say that you know why he is paranoid about this, which I assume means that he has been cheated on in the past. REMEMBER....THAT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT EITHER! Being cheated on hurts bad...I know, but you should not put yourself through the grief. Your young!!!

I know you love your boyfriend...I loved my high school bf too. We dated over five years...havent dated in 7 but are still good friends. The saying is true..."there are many fish in the sea."

Maybe its not yet time for your bf to be back in a serious relationship, sounds like he needs to work on himself (like he was left a bit broken). I know this probably sounds like something you would love to help him with, but just remember.....Don't jeapordize yourself or your happiness. High School is once in a lifetime....don't waste it with regrets. Find a boyfriend that will trust you and believe in you. You deserve it!!!

Answer 5

i think that you need to tell him exactley how you feel and he is being very ridiculous and VERY VERY controlling you need to tell him to knock it off or you will leave..that is no relationship to be in and it will only get worse do you see how it started with something small and snowballed into this ..DO NOT listen to him or it will get worse because he knows you will listen to him and you are not a child you are a grown..it will more than likley lead to abuse physical and emotional let him know that you understand why he is this way but it is not fair to treat you like this because of his past.you arent those other girls that screwed him over and he needs to trust you cuz u havent given him a reason not to trust YOU but it is not fair that he is punishing you for others actions and if he doesnt change you really need to leave or i promise it will get worse and tell him you shouldnt feel like you are walking on egg shells because of his problem and you will talk to who you want because you arent a child and if he wants to control something he needs to get a puppy i kinda went through the same thing and it is not at all fair good luck hun

Answer 6

Its sounds like either he cheated and/or is trying to play the insecure card to make you sympathize with him over anyone else while he is systematically cutting you off from all of you relationships so that you become dependent on him and less likely to leave. This is not usually a good sign. This usually preceeds him making you seem crazy and/or insecure (sometimes by hiding you stuff around the house, keys in odd places like the fridge) and/or hitting you.

But of course Im a skeptic.

Either way do you really want to deal with someone who wont trust you? everyday having to go out of your way to make them feel secure? And who knows if he'll ever grow out of it.

Answer 7

Dont you already have parents? he is testing how far he can go with you. next it will be your parents, then your friends., then your other family. This is so classic. He is abusive and he will start whipping your ***, maybe sooner than later. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. And arm yourself 'cause he is not going to give up this control easily. Tell everyone you can about him. You sound like a sweet, highly sociable person and you will go further without carrying this *** around. PLEASE BE SAFE

Answer 8

I know you said you love him etc, etc, but honestly he sounds like he is incredibly possessive. I think eventually he will want to cut you off from EVERUBODy. and then who knows what will happen to you.

Its not normal to not want you to talk to your friends - i appreciate that he has some issues, but those issues are HIS not YOURS.

He doesnt sound stable to me, sorry.

Edit: i read your additional details. He hasnt started to abuse you .. YET. I think that is coming. HE thinks you are causing him pain ..- what is all that about?? Soon he will be blaming you for EVERYTHING that goes wrong in his life. Mark my words.

Answer 9

so immature...a classic domestic offender. get out of that relationship FAST!!! I mean, seriously, once you get married, he'll be the hell in your life. Any relationship should be a healthy one, growing one. You should not be losing yourself in the process.

Sweetie, don't let him do this to you. Otherwise, you guys perfectly fit the profile of those in domestic violence cases. Don't let yourself be another victim, another statistic.

Answer 10

just tell him how u feel if he really loved u he'll accept it just like u accepted his request.u shouldn't be scared to tell ur bf how u feel u guys should be able to tell eachother anything if
u really love eachother and if u really loved eachother u should trust eachother u can't like someone without trusting them