Is the first and only rule of marriage...?

Question

...do what wifey says? Seriously, if there's something I don't agree with, it's fruitless to argue, because of course men and women come from two different trains of thought. There were times that I just caved instead of speaking up fro myself more, just to avoid an argument I have no hope of winning. I've been asked to give up a couple of things that made NO SENSE to me whatsoever!

Answer 1

If you feel compelled to speak up for yourself there may be good reason to do so, it all depends on the situation. Just as it might be best at times times to keep quite and follow her lead. Again, depends on the situation.

In general, men and women are wired differently, but I would not say that as men we should always do what what our wives say. I do think that as men, we owe it to our wives, and to ourselves to listen to and consider what they have to say. Just as they owe it to us, and themselves to listen to and consider what we are saying.

That is another great advantage of marraige -the power of collaboration between two minds, often two very different minds. Ideally, as various situations arise, we all have good judgement, and each others best interest in mind. From there, it comes down to perspective, and scope of thought -short term thinking, long term thinking, ect. -and we can't go without mentioning compromise, which I say falls somewhere between selfishness and selflessness. It's not always easy, as there is a lot to consider when two people are sharing, and building a life together, because our decisions do affect each other.

So, I say take each day, and each situation as they come. Try to be fair, and to do what's right for you and your wife. When it applies, try to consider how a decision will affect things today (short-term), as well as down the road (long-term). Also, be prepared to evolve, to welcome positive changes that come about because of and through your marraige.

I always try to remember that my marraige is more than about me, and I can tell you do too. I always try to remember that beyond the promise I made to my wife that I made a promise to God. This means that I put myself and my marraige in His hands, keeping in mind that I don't know everything, and that the plan he has is unfolding everyday in ways I could never expect. I try to go with the flow.

...another good one, thanks for asking...

Answer 2

No, that is not the first, and certainly not the only rule of marriage! Negotiation is the first rule. Making sure both of you win is another. Finding a solution is a good one too. When you are best friends working on building a life together, you want the other person to be happy, so asking them to "give up" something is an odd request all by itself.Just because we come from two different ways of thinking, it doesn't mean we can't find a middle ground where everyone wins. What is she getting out of her attitude? What is the REAL issue. People argue about topics because discussing the bottom line like, "I don't feel important, wanted, loved" is risky. Find out what the real issue is. If an argument is getting hot, then take a break and come back later to it so you and she can have a rational discussion. Be respecful. Be kind, but do not put up with a "Winner-loser" mentality. This is a friendship and the biggest priority of both your lives, so it is time for a new way of communicating. Obviously the old way leaves something to be desired.

Answer 3

No it isn't supposed to be that way. Have you asked your wife why she wants you to do this? Have you listened to her? Did she ask you? Did you tell her why you didn't want to?
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. You are supposed to work together. Try ways of communicating with your wife. See why she is asking these things of you, share your views and opinions on it as well. Communication is important. The way you approach it will effect the outcome. Arguing and yelling only upset everyone, speaking calmly and rationally tend to get things done better. Have an open mind when you talk to her. If you approach this in a good way she will probably pick up how to continue it from you.
Something may not make sense to you but perfect sense to her and vice versa. Each time that there is something you do not agree on does not mean an argument will follow if you approach it in the right way. Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

No, there are multiple rules to marriage. A wise couple will sit down and figure out what rules work best for them. But allowing one person to dominate simply to keep the peace is a good way to weaken a marriage and could destroy it, since the other spouse will build up resentment. Either spouse can be unreasonably demanding just as either one can be abusive.

You two need counseling in order to learn how to debate and resolve conflicts. Either she's not being realistic with her demands (and not admitting the real reasons for her demands) or you're not listening to her concerns, and I'm not taking sides. If she won't go to counseling with you, don't let her talk you out of going alone. The happiness of both of you depends on learning how to communicate, discuss, assert yourself and compromise. By the way, I hate the term, "fighting productively." Isn't that like screwing your way to virginity? It's a poor description, but that's what some counselors call it.

Answer 5

The rule is dont sweat the small stuff. Dont argue about silly things let her win. If its something you believe in stand up for urself. Maybe u never have stood up to her and thats y she thinks she can win every argument. Woman like men with a back bone... assert urself and she will respect ur opinion. Maybe then u can win an argument or two.

Answer 6

If you are having this problem then that means you & your wife have NO COMMUNICATION what so ever. What kind of a marriage is that? And what kind of a husband are you to put your wife on the spot saying you have to do whatever she says? Instead of holding in your thoughts just to avoid arguments & being hard on yourself for not sticking up for yourself then why don't you & your wife start off by TALKING ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS & WORKING THEM OUT like grown adults. You two aren't in High School anymore & if you can't sit down & talk about your problems to each other respectfully & maturely, then you both have no business being married....Marriage does NOT have rules. It is what YOU MAKE OF IT... So, if things are not going right for you two, it shouldn't be blamed on the aspects of how a marriage should be. Your problems with each other should be blamed on yourselves for not knowing how to respect & love each other & especially not knowing how to communicate with each other when you got problems. And that's your fault. You want things better....then learn to work them out.

Answer 7

A Marriage is a bond you've made before God. Your wife is more important to you then anything in life besides God. Don't let love and friendship turn to anger and resentments. It might not make sense but remember growing pains always hurt. If she's not asking you out of anger just do what the wifey says lol. I'm giving you a star just because you look good lol.

Answer 8

Hell no!! Giving in all the time makes you look pussy whipped!

While I love to have things MY way in our marriage. It pisses me off royally when my husband backs down from me, when I know darn well he disagrees with me. I want him to have a backbone and stand up for what he wants. *if we are arguing especially*

Marriage is a two way street. It's give and take.. I was raised to always give more than you receive and your spouse should do likewise. Marriage is a 24/7 job, it's hard work to have a happy marriage. If you can't communicate and work things out, then you may need a mediator to help.

Good luck

Answer 9

you too have to come to an agreement yall both have to meet in the middle.. It might not only be u that has to give up something.. And you should know that you don't have to agree or do what exactly she says just try to meet in the middle... somewhere....you won't win an argument with a women, we just keep arguing... see what she's willing to change and then u tell her what you are willing to change in order to meet in the middle... i hope this helps..

Answer 10

Your wife sounds like a 50-50 kind of woman. You guys need some spiritual guidance... to where you are both 100%-100% into making the marriage work. If you keep folding, you will resent her within 5 years.