Internet cheating?

Question

Me and my husband have been together now for 5 years and married now for 1 we have a 2 month old boy & i recently discovered that he has been talking with other women on the internet and chatting with them trying to get to know them and then i went even further back and realized that he has been doing it throughout the entire course of our relationship he is my first love and first everything (if you know what i mean) i have confronted him about it and he said that he didnt think it was cheating because he never met face to face with them. He says he wont do it again and that he does not want to lose me but what goes through my head is that it was only 9 months ago that he did this. I just feel so hurt, all i can see is the things he wrote to these girls and how he told them their pics are beautiful & such...&here i am worried that i would not be able to give him a son ( i was having medical problems), i dont know if i can forgive him am i overreactting?

Me and husband spoke about it he still does not understand why i am still thinking about what happed....So i ask...He and i have been together for 5 years i went against my family to be with him, but he has been looking online in the personals and talking with these women and JUST stopped 9 months ago. Is it safe to say he cheated on me our entire relationship?

Answer 1

No, you are not overreacting. He shouldn't be doing that. It is cheating in a way, or actually prelude to cheating. I would feel betrayed to know my husband was doing that. He should have spent that energy on your relationship. He should have been telling you that you were beautiful. I hope you can truely forgive him if he stops doing this. Good luck.

Answer 2

Before anything else, this is not a religious reply. I'm not moralizing here. I'm just trying to put the situation into context but I'll be paraphrasing something from the bible.

When Jesus was asked when does someone commit adultery, he replied that a person thinking about adultery (I think the passage was "having lustful thoughts towards another man's wife), is already committing adultery.

Fast forward to modern times.

There maybe no physical contact between your husband and whomever he's interacting with, but the mere fact that he's entertaining thoughts or conversations with someone else over the internet, means in his heart he's not being true.

But forget all I've just said.

The real problem is how to get him to see this point?

I doubt that he sees what he's doing as adulterous. And even if you shout till you're hoarse at him, he won't get it.

How do you forgive someone who does not even acknowledge he's doing something wrong?

What's worse is that he's making you feel bad for what is true in your gut. He's making you believe that you're a paranoid nag.

Either it's time to see a psychiatrist or counselling and have an intervention...if he's willing... then maybe this relationship is salvageable.

If he's adamant or just temporarily remorseful---I hate to say this but it seems that this relationship is drawing to a close.

Promises of "I won't do it again." without active follow through are just hollow and empty.

When you play with fire, you'll eventually get burned. Do you want to be in the midst of the conflagration he's creating?

In the end, it's still your call.

Answer 3

Ouch. We went through it here too. If your husband realizes that his marriage is on the line and is willing to step up and let you know you are the love of his life and his main priority, you can get through this. He was probably escaping, playing, and not thinking about the seriousness or reality of what he was doing until confronted with the idea that he could lose his family. If he had changes his ways and is putting that energy into his marriage, you two will be okay. Find out what he was getting out of it. What need is not being met that you two can work on together? Let him know what you need and start working on solutions to getting your best friend and lover back in your heart. You may be better off after this than you were before. If he is truly sorry then, work it out and make your marriage the dream you want it to be with him. Good luck.

Answer 4

You aren't overreacting at all. Your husband might not have met these women or done anything physical with them, but he had an "emotional affair", which can be more devastating and hurtful. I would sit down and talk to him about how you're feeling. Try (even though it's hard) not to be confrontational, because men tend to clam up when being confronted. Tell him how hurt you were by this. Trust takes a long time to be rebuilt, if ever. If, after your conversation, you don't feel that he's genuine in his apology, then it might be best to separate for a time. Hang in there, if it's meant to work out, it will.

Answer 5

Men love attention from women, no matter the context. He was seeking out validation; to have his ego stroked. It doesn't mean he loves you any less or would ever be unfaithful to you. Some men flirt at the office, some while having a drink after work. They just want to feel attractive. But what he did isn't right. There's a world of difference between a compliment from a coworker and actually spending time conversing with other women. But in his eyes, he's doing nothing wrong because to him, it means absolutely nothing. It should not be taken by you to mean that you mean any less to him. To him this was harmless. He's stopped this and has apologized. It doesn't take away your hurt feelings, though. Don't consume yourself with worry because it's obvious that he is devoted to you. Anything he may have said online, take with a grain of salt. When men do this sort of thing, only about 1/2 of what they tell those women is accurate. This information is coming from many, many male friends who have done this sort of thing over the years. Your husband is honoring your wishes.

Answer 6

No, you're not overreacting at all.

And, just because he was your "first" doesn't mean you should stay with him come hell or highwater. There are a lot of decent guys out there who would put you FIRST.

Being emotionally intimate like that (and keeping it a secret!) IS cheating! Absolutely! One thing leads to another. Getting an emotional connection is the first step. Would it be ok if he were chatting it up with women at bar and talking about personal things and not telling you about this? It's the same thing! These are REAL people he's talking to, not figments of his imagination or fantasies! I wouldn't trust him, if I were you.

Answer 7

don't be too worried approximately it. you're able to desire to undergo in concepts that maximum adult men have fantasies basically as women persons do. even though thats the place the modifications stop. If he starts going out late at evening or receives indignant with you once you ask him what hes as much as, then he proabably has been sneaking around. i might certainly not tell him you have been spying on him or maybe which you by possibility found out, as this might create an extremely annoying undertaking and coach which you do not believe him. he's clearly searching for some thing which you're actually not (perhaps not with the aid of selection) giving him. Now that being suggested, attempt to ascertain precisely why he's doing this tyoe of habit. attempt and talk as maximum suitable as you are able to and consistent with possibility start up up slightly experimentation with him. Thats possibly what he's calling for and fears that he can not attitude you approximately it. so which you attitude him. you would be shocked how he ought to respond, and in case you're taking this step it could make your courting with him even closer.

Answer 8

Your gut instinct told you to search through his chat logs to find out if he was cheating emotionally on you so you did and you discovered he was , but he promised to stop it and has he done it since his promise>?

I dont know about over reacting , but your both going through emotional hormonal changes with a new baby in the house so you need to learn to communicate and still find time to make love and be a couple when the baby is asleep.

If you truely love him , you'll work through this .

Answer 9

He didn't delete his History? LOL! He deserves whatever you do to him.. yup... what he did was emotional cheating... that is, he took away from you and gave somewhere else. He should have been leaving you little notes with rose petals telling you how beautiful you are, but nooooooooooooooo... he had to be a Yahoo wanker and do irreversible damage to your trust... tell him if he wants to yank the crank to mootard Yahoo women pics and webcams... you will be more than happy to accommodate his needs... while you are living at your mother's cashing in on his child support payments :D He will straighten up.

Answer 10

I believe that its cheating when the other person had no idea of what was going on. And if your feeling are hurt of course what do you think a person feels when you find out someone has been cheating. The only thought of what he said to this women the time he spent and energy thinking about them. when he could have spend it on you. what is that if not cheating.