How do you answer to a spouse who tells you to shut your pie hole?

Question

My husband was watching a war movie in the living room. A specific scene showed a soldier dying with blood gushing from his neck. I told him that he needed to finish the show in our bedroom because it wasn't appropriate for our 10 year old daughter. So of course he gets his Marine attitude and tells me to shut my pie hole and stomps off into the bedroom. What do you do when your spouse acts like an *ss?

Hoppykit---he is a retired Marine! He's been out for 6 years now and still has to be in control all the time. It drives me nuts. I did show him the first few answers and he didn't say much. I'm going to continue have him read so he can see how much of a donkey butt he's been.

Trish, it was his attitude, not the tv show. Our only other tv is in our room because we just gave our son a tv to take to school with him. I refuse to sit back and be silent if he disrespects me. We've been married almost 21 years and I definitely can hold my own with him. Someone mentioned that he needs to learn to seperate the marines from his family and I've told him that a million times. I will never shut my pie hole as long as I'm married to him.

saloon girl- You don't know how many times I've said the respect thing to him. That's one thing I think the Marine Corps has failed on--teaching the Marines to respect their families. A marriage is two equal parts.. not a marine and a recruit.

RooBear- I did tell him, but not rudely. A parent should know what's appropriate and if he couldn't get it, then I had to approach him on it.

Answer 1

I think alot of these responses didn't take into consideration a key detail, that you've been married 21 years. Although very disrespectful, this is nothing to leave over and you certainly can't get the point across of how wrong this was if you respond the same way! Your marriage isn't the same now as it was then so you just need to reestablish the boundaries and let him know, mad or not, it's not ok to speak to me that way. Not to mention the example it's set for your daughter, I'm sure (and since he's reading these) that he wouldn't stand for a man to speak to your daughter this way. Her perspective is going to be that "this is how husbands talk to wives" and by allowing it you're basically saying it's ok. I 100% agree with you. I'm married to a Marine that retired directly from recruiting duty so you can imagine the stress and I also had to remind him that "I'm not one of the guys so don't treat me that way". I love the fact that he's willing to read the responses, it tells alot (positive) about you both and the type of relationship you have. It won't hurt to let him know though that he's overstepped his boundaries and nothing good will come of the your relationship if he continues to speak to you this way.

If this has just recently started then you might want to dig a little deeper to make sure he's not having any outside stress (i.e. job, friends, etc.) that might be going on that you both need to discuss. THERE'S YOUR OPENING MARINE!

You also might want to consider discussing the boundaries that you want for your daughter to avoid future conflicts as much as possible. My husband and I constantly discuss each other's opinion on what we want and don't want for our boys, this way if a situation arises, you both know how to respond. Unfortunately, you can't dream up every scenario but you can atleast get the major issues.

Good Luck and
P.S. My Marine does some "stomping" of his own from time to time. LOL

Answer 2

I'm not saying that his response was ok at all, but really...you TOLD him he NEEDS to go in the other room?? You sound like you act like his mother. Maybe chose you're words more carefully and treat him with more respect. That or he's just a total ***....which is still your fault for not choosing a real man for a husband. Getting defensive or attacking him is probably only going to cause a fight so I'd approach him in a calm way, making it short and simple. Find out if something's bothering him...you show you're concerned with his feelings and it'll bring his gaurd down to where he'll be more sympathetic to yours.

Answer 3

I think I would be pissed off. He is supposed to be your best friend and shouldn't need told not to watch graphic T.V. around a small child. He was probably very into the movie and feeling stressed and opened his mouth without thinking.

I wouldn't let it go. I would have a conversation with him later, when all are calm, about how you two agree to talk to each other. It was rude and disrespectful, as well as mean thing to say. He needs to treat you like the love of his life--not like some recruit.

Take some time to cool off and then have the conversation. If he generally disrespects you, then it is time to stop tolerating it, period. Respect yourself and don't tolerate crap from people--especially the one you pledged to build a life with. You are the mother of his daughter. He better learn to act like it.

Answer 4

Shut your pie hole?! I don't give a flying fig if he was a Marine or not. What he did was out of line, and VERY disrespectful. Talking like that to you in any manner. I'm a Navy wife. I understand the pressures of being a military spouse, but NOT in a million years would my husband ever talk to me like that. IF he ever talks like that to you again. You take him aside away from the kids, and you tell him how it's going to be.. NO ifs, and's or but's about it. Twenty one years is a VERY long investment, but be that as it may. You are NOT his child to be ordered about. You are his spouse, and you are NOT his verbal punching bag. You tell him, I don't talk like that to you, so don't do it to me! Period.. End of discussion. I hope this helps.

Answer 5

Let me tell you what...every single man I have know that was a Marine is a complete jerk!!!!
Do not accept being treated like that, especially in front of your daughter. You are supposed to be teaching her respect? Yes?
Isn't that also what the Marine's are supposedly about. They are bad news....sorry, but I am biased.

Answer 6

you tell him firmly, but not loud or yelling, that it is NOT Acceptable or necessary for him to speak to you in that tone, words, or otherwise. Look him dead in the eyes when you say it. and also remind him that he has a daughter, that will grow up and marry a man that is just like her father, and HE will set the standard of what is acceptable treatment from a man, and doesn't he want her to marry a man that treats her with dignity and respect? So he needs to show her by treating her mother in the same way. "We learn what we live" "We write the script for our childrens life" Play on that, good luck!

Answer 7

I don't say anything anymore,because he can't handle my comebacks anymore. They're too harsh and negative. Remember it takes more energy to go tit for tat than to get in a zone. If this is a reocurring behavior, you've got big problems down the road.

Stand your ground when he's totally off the deep end and if you can stand it, give him the silent treatment. He will eventually ask you "what's wrong with you". Tell him "I'm shutting my piehole for a while".

Answer 8

You don't need to take any kind of abuse. Physical or verbal. have a serious talk with him about it and how he makes you feel. If it continues well is best for both of you to go your separate ways. Because just like the movies with violence your child doesn't need to watch. She also doesn't need to hear that kind of disrespect. because she will grow up thinking that its OK for a guy to treat her that way since her dad treated her mom the same. Good Luck:)

Answer 9

Don't blame it on his "Marine attitude" a real Marine would be looking out for his daughter and never treat his wife that way. He's a jerk and it's probably not the first time he was an a**hole but you put up with it.

Answer 10

Are you seriously making excuses for him.. i.e. "he's a marine"?

He's an A**.

Tell him to shut the front door on his way out of your life!