mine does.. he says the meanest things to me.. and it hurts my feelings.. i don't understand why he says things that hurt my feelings.. i asked him that and he doesn't answer me at all.. i even cried infront of him because i could not take the pain anymore.. but he just sat there and didn't care at all that i was crying in pain.. i asked him if does it bother him even just a bit that i am crying.. he just told me he isn't moved a bit at all like he doesn't care at all..
i feel so hurt right now.. i don't know what to do with my feelings.. i want to make myself feel better but how..? we have a 2-year-old daughter and i love her so much..
i am aware that marriage has its ups and downs.. but shouldn't a good husband do anything to make her wife feel bad? if the husband really loves his wife that is..
i am hurting right now.. i want to feel better.. but i don't know how
2007-09-28 12:32:56 · 11 answers · asked by ~Amor~ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dear Schizo Girl:
YOU LISTEN TO ME NOW! be a woman!!!! do not EVERRR! let anyone treat you or hurt you the way he is doing it. I am sorry to tell you, but It is all your fault, we are the only ones that allow to be hurt or to let anyone make us cry, no one else. I went through the same sxxt! and I was always the one crying and saying " i am sorry" for the things he did wrong just because I was afraid of being alone, of having no one to love me, of compaionship, of whatever we think is love at that time!, until one day I looked my self in the mirror and saw I pathetic crying bxxxh! and I hated it!! at that moment I went to Ride aid, bought black hair color ( i had brown hair) colored my hair, put some make up on, put on a high energy song("strong enough" sang by Cher) and thought about all the bad, mean, hurtful, and derrogatory comments he made about me, and you know what? it made me strong, so strong, that I left him. I was then a different woman, even though it hurted, It didn't hurt because I left HIM, it only hurted because I felt alone, but loneliness will pass, is just a matter of time. Now, after 7 months, gues who was trying to get back with me? him, guess who was the one crying ? him; and guess who is the one that has the power now? guess who is the one in charge? ME. He respects me now. I HAD TO SHOW HIM HOW, DO THE SAME.
Never give yourself 100% to anyone, to only receive %50 back. You are a WOMAN a special creature, made by God only to be with special people. So? why should you settle for less? As much as you love your daughter and want to give her a "happy" estable" family, I think she most rather see you happy, content, with high self steem, someone that she can count with, not a "PUSSY" (no disrespect). It is up to you to chose which road to take.
2007-09-28 13:03:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
Oh honey Im sorry!! Couples will say hurtful things to each other, sometimes purposely ... thats just part of an imperfect relationship. However what youre dealing with is well out of range! What bothers me the most about your situation is not just that he MAKES you cry, but that you cried right in front of him and he wasnt phased by it. Im sure youre feeling pretty helpless because of that and I feel for you!
All I can say is don't hide it at ALL when he hurts your feelings. I know people will say in some situations you should just let things go, but you cant let these things build up in your marriage. You may be showing a sort of weakness toward him because you take this, and you need to set him straight. First thing you should do is get into counseling and go from there. However if he wont go to counseling and I were you Id tell him to move out. He needs to know you dont deserve this and you mean business when you say youre not going to put up with it.
You deserve much better than this and so does your little girl! If worst comes to worst and you do have to ask him to move out for a while, try to stay strong while he realizes what he lost!
Good luck and God bless you!!!
2007-09-28 12:42:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes many times I've cried and talked to him. One day he said "Aw don't cry. That's not going to work anymore". Now I shed my tears in private and am in the process of planning so that I may be able to move on without him. We've been together for about 24 years and I've been through some major heartaches and headaches. It's tough when you have children because especially at a young age, children can be affected by their surroundings. When my kids we're small there was a lot of things they didn't see or hear. Now their older and see and hear with their own eyes and ears.
Try marriage counseling. Continue talking to your husband even until you turn blue. Heck I'm almost purple lol But I see my natural tan coming back to me slowly lol.
You have to decide what you want. Find peace within yourself. Talk to someone. It really helps.
Wishing you the best that love and life has to offer. Peace!!
2007-09-28 12:54:28 · answer #3 · answered by Kaualani E 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ALL THE TIME! Sometimes men are idiots. They think differently than we do and are totally oblivious to us. You are right that marriage has it's ups and downs. It's when the downs are all the time...... Remember, having a 2-year old will not help your emotional situation.
I have been working with my husband in HIS business for a long time. I am currently looking for a job because I can't take it anymore. He tells people I am "looking for new opportunities."
His comments are very hurtful. He says getting a job won't fix my depression. Funny thing is, he's right. HOWEVER, not working with him will help the depression.
Give yourself a hug. I don't know what you can really do. Do you have family to support you? Good luck and here's a hug from me!
2007-09-28 12:44:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have gone through the same thing many times. I have cried until my eyes hurt and i couldn't see. Sometimes I think they enjoy our weakness at that moment. I think they think that we are broken people for crying, which we all know is not true. If you hit the right nerve, anyone can be made to cry.
I don't cry anymore because he says mean things to me, but because I feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for him. I have elevated myself to a point where I don't focus on him,but on myself. I am becoming stronger as a result.It's like going through withdrawals at first, but I have learned to tune him out and consider the source.
Counseling may or may not work. Just remember to strengthen your inner core and always wear your shield. What he is doing to you is called emotional abuse.
2007-09-28 12:45:29 · answer #5 · answered by peggy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No he shouldn't be making you cry, he should be the one that wipes any tears away. Your home should be your shelter.
He sounds like he can't handle such raw emotion and if he won't talk about it, then it could be hard to put right. I felt the same about my husband for a while.. counselling is working... but it is a long road. Good luck.
2007-09-28 12:40:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
No one can "make" us cry, we choose to respond with tears, or not. I know that's a tough concept to understand, but it's true. We have the power to decide how we're going to respond. I keep in mind a saying I've heard in the past, "No one can get my goat if they don't know where it's tied up." Which is a metaphor for saying no one can upset me without my agreement. That I care about someone else's thoughts and words about me is a credit to my sensitivity. But, a person must use discretion on who or what they allow themselves to be open and sensitive to. If your husband is truly being insensitive to your feelings, then it certainly would be a healthy response for you to become less sensitive to his comments, wouldn't it? You can withdraw inwardly without saying mean things back, simply refuse to agree with the mean things he is saying. Use discretion on what you let into your heart. Let his love enter your heart, but not his criticism.
Here's an exercise that might help you find your own inner strength and direction. It certainly has helped me.
An Invitation to Sing HU
You are invited to try this simple spiritual exercise. It has helped people of many different faiths open their hearts more fully to the uplifting presence of God.
To do the exercise, first get comfortable. Close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths. Next, gently put your attention on your inner visual screen, where daydreams and images come to you.
With your eyes closed, sing HU (pronounced like the word hue) as a song of love. There are many ways to experience the love of God. You may notice a feeling of peace, warmth, and comfort. You may also recognize the presence of the Divine through greater spiritual insights into your daily life.
When you sing HU and sit in quiet contemplation, you might also perceive the inner Light and Sound. The Light may appear as brightness or colors on your inner visual screen. The Sound may be musical or the sounds of nature, such as the wind or the ocean. However you experience the presence of God, it is bringing you a broader understanding of the life you lead.
2007-09-28 12:59:39 · answer #7 · answered by shine_radiantstar 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tired Trucker is right, love doesn't mean you inflict pain.
What your husband is doing isn't loving. And if he doesn't care for the pain he is inflicting on you that is both verbal and emotional abuse.
Please DON'T LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU. It isn't good for your daughter to being seeing this. Do you want her growing up thinking that that is how a man is supposed to treat the woman he "loves". Is she supposed to learn that love involves so much pain - that abuse equals love? You need to take the two of you out of his life.
If he's willing to work on getting better, maybe go to anger management, then go to marriage counseling.
2007-09-28 12:46:17 · answer #8 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
men cant deal with women and tears its not in their genetics even those who claim it is arent 100% lying but not telling the truth either.
Most women use tears in self defense against their men or to get their own way which is why men dont act the way you expect them to.
So chin up , deal with life and ignore the sob if he wants to treat you like an @zz and your happy to allow it to continue then only you can fix it , if it were me I'd have left months ago.But I'm not you.
2007-09-28 13:14:05 · answer #9 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You want to feel better? Really? It's very simple. You are making it so hard for yourself. Stop!!
Take your daughter and leave! Simple!
Why are you still sitting there reading this? You should have gotten up by now and be outside the house. Go!!!
2007-09-28 15:16:32 · answer #10 · answered by sinned 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋