For the real words, you gotta search. These walking zombies make me want to lurch, but I try and see through the fog of lies, reality shows, while the hero dies and gives up his soul. The lack of faith is disturbing, evil men with power are hurting the world so much that I don't even want to raise a child. I'm losing faith in the power of mankind, sinister forces try and take mine, but we have to stay vigilant, if for no one, at least the children, so they don't get disullusioned like I seem to be. Like minded individuals such as ourselves need to band together, with support from each other we can weather, any storm that seems to come up. It takes a few voices being heard to sum up the catsrophe. Its a sad state of affairs that brings me to my knees, and god doesn't hear prayers, he got destroyed when we started worshipping the dollar. Marvin Gaye wanted to holler, its about time we listen.
If you have any feedback, I would appreciate it.
2007-09-28 12:18:17 · 3 answers · asked by Burns Baby Burns 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
You've definitely got something good there, but as it is, it's in prose, not poetry form. I like the way it flows, though.
2007-09-28 12:30:26 · answer #1 · answered by Norak D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truly Truly I say to thee god hears you pray its just you have chosen to close your ears this day..!
When you awake in the morning dew.. look around and see Creation at work , when you awake each day look around and see the word look not in the hearts off men but within your Heart that burns so bright and see the light which says To Creat is Devine...!
use your talent wise and send us a rhyme to fill our hearts with joy ... we dont want to read what we can see
we dont want to read what we greev but show us the way and fill our hearts with joy this day...
Keep up the good work you have a talent above all men and use it wisely like one who knows and not one who cannot see or hear..!
“To Be Inspired is to be touched by Love as you feel the Vibrations surge through your sole, as it drives you to create a masterpiece” CE27/07/07
I think me poetry is certainly better than me spelink..!
Love Always
2007-09-28 12:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by Apolo 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You've got a good rhythm going for spoken word performance, but it's very preachy for my taste. Too much rhyme turnes me off, too.
Keep it up.
PS: the term is Stream of Consciousness
2007-09-28 12:22:05 · answer #3 · answered by backwardsinheels 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋