My friend just recently got a divorce. They had one kid together and she had another kid from a previous marriage. She moved straight out of their house together and into her boyfriends house. They have split the "mutual" kid up one week him, one week her. And the older child just gets to see his "dad" on the weekends. The older kid is acting out for obvious reasons. Is there anyway to get through to my friend and convince her that she had made a very BAD decision by moving in with her boyfriend without even taking a break?
2007-09-28 12:09:03 · 11 answers · asked by Curious 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I seen this and it reminded me of my ex.There is no way to make her see her mistakes right now.She will have to learn the hard way.The reason I say this is because of my experience.My ex left me and we divorced.She instantly moved in with her sex buddy.My kids were completely blown away.(ages 12 and 14 girls) My kids had all kinds of resentment towards their mother so they decided to stay with me.They had a hard time dealing with this and their actions proved it.My kids and I finally found a way to make things better for them but life really sucked for them for along time.You may try telling her she isn't using good judgment.Also you may ask if she thinks she is doing the best thing for the kids.Also try to make her see what the kids are having to deal with.Maybe this will help.
2007-09-28 16:47:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isnt actually that it is her living with her bf, it is the change. And the child would have likely ended up acting out even if she had moved alone with the children. The thing that I think is unfair is that one child is with him for an entire week while the other is only on weekends when he is his 'dad'. That is what is so confusing to him. He does not understand it, and it will take time for him to adjust to the new living arrangements and he needs to know why they are not being treated fairly by their parents. Either they should go at the same time or keep the one from the previous marriage at home all of the time. That is the major problem here. It is not good that she moved them in with another man so soon, but that will work out. That will show the kids how irresponsible she is and when they are old enough to understand, they will look down upon her for that. However, it is better than bringing a different man in and out of their lives on a regular basis......so you see, things could be much worse.
2007-09-28 19:17:44 · answer #2 · answered by Angelic Valentine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geeze. What an awkward situation. The poor kids, they are the ones who will ultimately suffer.
I guess your friend has her reasons for moving on so quickly. It would be hard to "convince" her to change as she must believe on some level she is doing the right thing or she wouldn't have done it?.....
Sitting down having a heart to heart would be an idea. Coming from an angle of support rather than you dictating may help with your plight. Remember though, it is her life and as much as you think you are right and trying to help she is in control. I wish you all the best and hope for the children's sake things improve. I also hope your friendship becomes stronger for having the courage to help her out.
2007-09-28 19:19:19 · answer #3 · answered by kelstar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are if you wait long enough,you wont have to tell her. Some people are just destined to learn things the hard way no matter how many times you tell them or how you tell them. She sounds like one of those people so just be there when her life falls apart and needs a friend to lean on is about all you can do at this point.
2007-09-28 19:16:00 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes she has made a very stupid decision by doing that....but she won't hear you. She is afraid of being alone, she only give herself value through a man and she chose a new man over her children. Then in a few years, when her kids are rebelling, have bad grades and have no respect for her she won't understand why.
2007-09-28 19:14:03 · answer #5 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your friend but from what you told us she is very selfish.Her prime concern should be for her children's welfare.But instead she is moving in with another man and confusing her children in a way that will be a hindrance to their mental state.A child needs time to adjust to these situations .They need a sense of security which she in not giving them. Trust me these kids are going to need a lot of professionals help to overcome these irresponsible moves by your friend.
2007-09-28 19:31:30 · answer #6 · answered by Julius C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no
she is selfish
let her fail on her own
she must learn her own lifer lessons
as she clearly listens only to her own selfish thoughts and needs
if anything you must begin to question the value of such a friend
and weather she is worth keeping
someone with poor values is not to be brought into anyones home, much less life as a friend
it speak poorly about your judgment
2007-09-28 19:22:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Might just want to ask her what she thinks the effects will be on the kids. What would she have wanted her mom to do if she were the kid?
2007-09-28 19:12:17 · answer #8 · answered by Galactica 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can tell her anything that she'd listen to. How long before the relationship with the b/f crashes and burns ?
There's a pattern being established here.....
2007-09-28 19:15:16 · answer #9 · answered by aa889d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people just never learn and some people just cant live without a guy around...When will they learn you need a break!
2007-09-28 19:20:00 · answer #10 · answered by robin r 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋