married for 4 years with a 3 yr old child.
I am seperated because my husband has been abusive (he never beat me, but he did get physical a few times when he was drunk, he also has done doing drugs about 5 times sinse weve been married). He was a bit controling as well. I still love him and wish our family would be healthy but it seems unrealistic.
When I tell him im going out and if he could take our daughter he flips out. He automatically thinks the worst and its annoying, i cant even enjoy myself because he will cause problems, either the next day or go act stupid with my mom (if shes babysitting). I just wish he could be civil & let me be. If he wanted our marriage to work he would concentrate on getting help for himself and not worry about every little move I make.
he is "trying" to change by going to church, but he wants me to be right there supporting him, however i am unsure if i want to get back with him.
Is it wrong that I just want to do my own thing?
2007-09-28 10:06:43 · 22 answers · asked by None 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is going out with friends wrong? He makes me feel like its such a BIG sin. What does a normal couple do when they want to have a few drinks with friends?
2007-09-28 10:12:19 · update #1
More info:
the reason why I dont want to support or help his every move is because im co-dependant. I have always tryed to "fix" him, i cant help him anylonger. I'm not a cold person, but there is not much i can or should do.
2007-09-28 10:21:00 · update #2
You should be doing your own thing. It's healthy and necessary. He has insecurity issues.
He may be trying to change for you. That is the wrong reason. He needs to change for him.
Why would you, or anyone else, respect him if he doesn't?
Maybe you should hire a baby sitter.
It is very possible that he takes offense (unjustified) at not being good enough as a husband, father, friend and lover. Yet is good enough to be a baby sitter.
2007-09-28 10:17:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing the right thing - if he is going to get drunk all the time and argue with you and your children over rediculous things , despite your warnings , then you and the kids are better off without him. And as far as the other woman , who is to say wheter or not this was his first time doing this , and he just happened to get caught that one time ? I also think you are doing the right thing by not being alone around him yourself or letting your children go around him unsupervised , And he cries and whines that its not fair??!! LOL! Was it fair of him to keep coming home drunk , and completely shut out your advice ,Pick fights with you and the babies, and to **** around with other women?? He is trying to play himself as the victim, you are only thinking of your children's and your best interests , and following your instinct . Just keep in mind that if you decide to take him back (for some ungodly wierd reason) , he may get right back into the pattern he was in right before you separated , and you and your children deserve better than that.Keep also in mind that if he really gave half the crap he says he gives about you guys' relationship , he would have never even started the pattern he got himself into! And as for him going into your work , i would heavily advise talking to your boss and seeing about having him banned from your work , since this matter is really not your students' business what is going on in your life - You are doing nothing wrong ; HE did all this to himself. Good Luck and Blessings :)
2016-05-21 00:42:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way, you do what is best for you and your child. If he is getting physical and doing drugs that is not the influence you want around your child or yourself.
If you want time to yourself then that's okay. There is no reason for you to not have a life outside of the house. However, I would encourage you to, maybe, send your child with someone more responsible rather than your husband. I mean, doesn't he seem a little unstable? That's your call though.
I just wish you the best of luck and you should do what you think is best for yourself.
Listen to your heart.
ashummz05@yahoo.com
2007-09-28 10:16:26 · answer #3 · answered by Oops, did I say that? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some how I get the feeling from what you wrote that you are trying to bail out of the marriage without giving it a chance to work. If you say your husband is going to church and has asked for your support to be there with him, then is that not his way of wanting to change, to make it better? I am not suggesting you go back to him, at least until you see him and you also make progress towards better ways of treating yourselves and one another. You say he takes drugs, yet you have asked him to babysit? Honestly, I think you too are playing games with his emotions as a way to manipulate him into changing. This type of behaviour usually does not work. You got married, you now have a child, put energy into working at your marriage. Stop trying to run and pretend you are single as a way to avoid the real issues.
2007-09-28 10:14:06 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The reason why your husband acts a damn fool is because he doesn't want your friends to be an influence on you meeting someone else or you going out period to be in a situation for you to meet someone else period.
He still wants you and doesn't want you to leave him especially at time when he thinks you should be there for him or he wants you to be there for him. You're not wrong for wanting to go out and do your own thing at all. He's being way too selfish to think that your world is suppose to end because you guys aren't together.
2007-09-28 10:18:58 · answer #5 · answered by SylentDreamer 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here is a thought. Hire a babysitter when you want to go out rather than having him take care of the child. If you want to do your own thing then you need to get divorced...
2007-09-28 22:31:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take care of YOU and that child... and please don't go back with this guy until he has had at least 2-3 years of sobriety..... by then, you probably won't be interested, anyway.
he "flips out" when you go with friends because he is jealous. the truth is, it's none of his business what you do in your spare time, because you are separated
stop asking him to babysit. if you can't get your mom or someone else who is dependable to babysit when you go out, then stay home. your husband doesn't need to know your every move.
2007-09-28 10:12:59 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My friend just pray for him and ask god to bring him in wonderful and supportive husband to you and your child. Man are all more protective, you just have to life with that . Please continue to support him as he ask for help. Remember in a relationship there have to be a little up and down. just concentrate on help your husband to be a better man that why you are marriage for better and for worse. Remember your wedding that you say to each and try forgive him. If god did not forgive we will never be on earth today. A mother and Father should never separated for there is a child in the picture. Please just help him and give him a second chance. In life every desure a second chance. if you ever feel like chattind,. you can email me at applediamondsexygirl@yahoo.com
2007-09-28 10:20:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Since you are separated and aren't sure that you want to get back with him....why don't you find someone else to watch your daughter when you go out? Surely you can find someone!! By asking him to take care of your little girl you are letting him know that you are going out and that is non of his business.
2007-09-28 10:10:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
We ALL need our own down time, he has a big problem, he should seek help, and it doesn't come in a bottle or a can.
2007-09-28 10:29:02 · answer #10 · answered by kim t 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋