My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. We broke up twice, but we have been together for the past three years and have been living together for two and a half years. We had a huge fight about marriage. He said we are committed already and he loves me. Also, his brother just married and my bf thinks I only want to get married because of the recent wedding. My bf complained that we don't have sex enough and we fight too much. Every week someone askes me why we are not married and now all our friends are getting married. The recent wedding and engagements are not my reasons for wanting to get married, it just prevents me from putting the already painful thought out of my mind. Before, I would just try not to think of it. Now I feel rejected and extremely sad that he doesn't want to marry me. Before I asked him, I secretly hoped he was planning the proposal. Now, it really hurts me he doesn't plan to marry me and has no forseeable plan. I resent him and I can't help but cry.
2007-09-28 10:01:45 · 29 answers · asked by plsq 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your situation sounds really sad, and I feel for you. Maybe you need to find out more about why your boyfriend doesn't want to get married. Is it because he doesn't forsee the relationship with you lasting for the long run? This could possibly be the case, and if it is he is just stringing you along until he finds something better or gets up the nerve to leave you. You are better off being strong and leaving on your own. Then when you look back you can feel like you really respected yourself. You deserve to be with a man who treasures you and can't wait to officially make you his forever. Good luck.
2007-09-28 10:08:21 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ick. Men would never get married unless they had a very compelling reason to do so. They think of it in terms of what it DOES, as women think of it in terms of what it MEANS. You two seem to have a rocky relationship at best and you've lived together for some time now. He's experienced all the horrible downfalls of being married and very little of the good. To men, fighting over anything is a BAD SIGN. No or less sex than he'd like to be having is an EVEN WORSE SIGN. You are going to have to show him that he will be happy and blissful for the rest of his days if he marries you. And so far, he hasn't seen it. But I have to ask you, you've had a couple break ups and there is fighting at all, why would you want to get married? That's like tossing lots of responsibility and stress on an already volatile situation and he sees this. Of course you're feeling rejected. If you spend the next year or so showing him what being married to you will be like (wonderful, hopefully) and he still doesn't care for the idea but you feel you need that in your life, move on.
2007-09-28 10:59:29 · answer #2 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off you need to relax a minute here. Re read your own question and think about what you are saying. He wont marry you and you want him to so your upset. Now,... What sense does this make? Girl, first off the quickest way to divorce court is marrying someone you had to convince to do so. I can guarantee you this isnt going to give you what you are looking for. I say you are thinking and putting way too much importants on the idea of marriage more than the fact of a healthy relationship.Trust me, I am married for the second time in my life.The first time I was 20yrs old. second time I was 28yrs old. First one lasted 4 years and we did it for all the wrong reasons. Second one was about love and relationship and the marriage of it was the least important part of it and still is.I am 37 yrs old now and we still have a good thing.
Right now you have more than alot of married women have, a guy that loves you and has for many years and is honest enough to not just marry you to give you what you want cause you think thats what is important.Go home tell that man you love him,back off on all the marriage stuff cause in truth its just a piece of paper and witnesses, with too many unchangable preasures behind it for no reason at all.Wait till he feels the same way. I have a feeling its going to be when you stop focusing on it and enjoy the relationship with less desperation. what you need to do is stop being insecure that its going to end if it isnt confirmed by law or church.You have it all and are taking it for granted by forcing an issue.
Relax,you will be glad you did.
Good luck!
2007-09-28 10:18:35 · answer #3 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thats not fair to you at all. Did you guys talk about marriage before....a few years back? What his opinion then?
If he's truly set on keeping things the way they are and just complaining about "sex", yet doing nothing to make you happy and not takin into consideration, your feelings on marriage, then you need to move on. Unfortunately, that's probably gonna be the hardest thing for you to do. Yes you are committed already, but your only living together, it's not permanent or anything. Maybe he's not comfortable with the idea of it becoming permanent after marriage. You just need to really sit down and talk to him, tears and all. If that doesn't work....then you must move on. You deserve better hun :o) I hate to see someone go through this.....
Good luck hun!
2007-09-28 11:49:25 · answer #4 · answered by Blondee 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Doesn't sound like you are in a stable enough relationship at the moment to marry so your boyfriend is probably right not to take the plunge. Maybe you could seek some marriage guidance (its not just for married couples) and try to put things right before considering the walk down the aisle.
2007-09-28 10:06:00 · answer #5 · answered by Ellie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Everybody is different. What is important here is HOW you feel...and if you feel that marriage is so important then you should find someone who wants it too.
Your boyfriend may "feel" married since you have been together for a long time and live as a couple... but you aren't...
So I'm afraid you will have to make a big decision and either accept him as he is, or walk out and find someone else.
Good luck. Be honest with yourself and don't settle if this is really so important to you.
2007-09-28 10:30:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, I don't think you should leave him. But you definitely should listen to what he states as his reasons for reservation. Those reasons are important to him, and if you care about his happiness too, then you could start addressing these issues as though they matter. If he married you feeling that doubt, you would never really have him by his own choice.
Now, what about you? Are they important issues to you too?
I'm taking a guess here, and jumping in to say that what you are really suffering from is the rejection. Your best bet is to turn the tables and YOU be the one who has reservations. You say to him, I agree, I don't want to get married either unless we solve any major issues and have proven to ourselves that we have the skills necessary to handle issues.
Good Luck, and know you're valuable too.
2007-09-28 10:11:01 · answer #7 · answered by smarty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's already told you he's not going to marry you, and you've been dating for 6 years, so you pretty much know what he's all about. So, do you want to keep on the way you're going, or do you want to be done with him and look for somebody who wants to get married, too?
If you dump him, you will no doubt be lonely in the short run, but you will have the opportunity to look for somebody who truly values you. On the other hand, if you basically don't care whether you're married or not, tell your friends to mind their own business, and get on with getting along with him.
2007-09-28 10:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by Diane H 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you honestly don't see a future with him, then leave.
I do know what you mean about feeling not worthy of being his wife and that is very hurtful to say the least.
And his little blackmail about not having enough sex, well that is just a ploy to get you to have sex more and when you do he will just come up with another reason, you know that, right?
You and only you have to decide if you can handle your relationship the way it is or find a man that will commit to you, heart and soul and a wedding ring.
Good luck
2007-09-28 10:09:25 · answer #9 · answered by kitty 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Leave him. Marriage seems to be the deal breaker in the relationship. There is no reason why he should not be considering marriage if the both of you have been together 6 years!! If marriage is your goal then leave him, he's made it clear he won't marry you and I personally think that's really $hitty of him! Move on and find the right man that does want to marry you.
2007-09-28 10:08:05 · answer #10 · answered by ♪♬ 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋