custody ? unfit father?

Question

my ex fiance and i have a 3 month old baby boy. we have broken up and im trying to decide what to do about him with visitation of James.
my ex drinks alot of alcohol, people he lives with friends etc are into drugs he has not held james 5 times since hes been born he wont even play with him or feed a bottle? he has a very bad temper and i know if he got custody james would not be taken care of. and i cant bare the thought of being away from my child.i even have one picture of him really drunk.. what would you do? please help

Answer 1

Honey...you pretty much have to have a picture of the mom smoking crack next to the baby for the father to get custody. Not that its a good thing for those poor babies who have crappy moms but in this case it is good for you. You need to make sure you plead your case for supervised visitations if he EVEN files for joint custody or visitations. For the moment though - my advice - don't let him have your baby by himself. He might man up and decide to prove he is a good father but he needs to prove that first. Good luck

Answer 2

Let me first say that you don't get to decide visitation..that is the courts job. Has paternity been established thru a dna test or is his name on the birth certificate? If the answer is no, then you don't have to worry as he has no legal rights. If the answer is yes, you need to go to court (in the county you live in) and get a court order stating who is to have legal/physical custody,visitation as well as child support. Many courts will give an ex parte order until they can schedule a hearing date. If you are really concerned about contact with this person, you should ask the court to investigate your claims which can take more than two years depending on where you live and how busy the court is.
Hope this helps.

Answer 3

My dear friend M, has just gone through the same thing. Although her son is almost 2 years old. He sons father is basically the same with drugs, alcohol & the love for his son. You need to apply for sole custody through the court system, as well as a possible family violence order due to his temper.
I recommend getting a good lawyer. I doubt very much you ex will want to take your son into a dangerous situation like his house. Try and let him have visitation rights at your place, maybe a Saturday?
The courts are not stupid honey as long as you can provide a safe haven for your child it is unlikely James will go to his father.
hope everything works out ok.
Much love
Charli
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 4

The documentation you have will go a long way towards proving your point. A word of caution. I have seen the grandparents step in and take the child if either parent is unfit. The courts (California) are more and more taking the sides of the father. The reason that is is that the bottomless pit of money is beginning to dry up and they tend to look for a way to create a situation where there is less drain on public funds. Now, an easy thing for the dad to do is enroll himself in rehab and anger management " classes" before he goes to court.; it would look good. Now if that's all you have against him and he has a stable job, you're in trouble, especially if you're on welfare. Courts are seeing more and more that some mothers are merely using their children as a source of money so they can party. Can I have his number?

Answer 5

File for visitation, go in front of the judge let him decide, take the proof you can't just go in there with a he said she said, and a picture of him drunk is not proof he is a bad father, unless it's a picture of him drunk with the baby. If the people he's living with are into drugs look up there arrest records, ask that the father be drug tested. Those are things you can do, proof not he said she said.

Answer 6

it is very difficult to get a court to grant custody to a father over a mother...especially a mother with proof. go to the courts, explain the situation and get things in order. you definately want to be the first one to go to file, because then things will be in your favor. I know it is nerve wracking picturing your son being cared for by an unfit parent, but I am know from experience how difficult it is for even a good father in the courts...rest assured, it will go in your favor. just keep all proof...pictures, letters, text messages, etc. if he requests visitation, explain that you fear for your sons safety and request that his visitations be supervised and that they are not left alone together. it will go well, but dont try to do it alone, let the courts help...that is what they are there for.

Answer 7

If you are concern about having this man to see his child you shouldnt have had a child in the first place with all ot this going on, But this child is innocent and has the right to know who his father is and spend time with him also , So if i were you i would go to court and asked for supervised visting rights. This will help moniter him and the child together.

Best of luck

Answer 8

You've got to go to court.

You can file to make sure he gets limited visitation - or even supervised visitation if he really is that bad.

You really should get a good lawyer and get their advice - they may go as far as calling some of the people he lives with to prove the unfit lifestyle.

Answer 9

You need to see a solicitor and get a residential order to say that James lives with you- it is it in James best interest you get legal help now with this and dont leave him alone with his father or friends.

Answer 10

Take him to court and file for full custody before this turns out badly.