My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years now. He has always avoided about talking about having kids. I finally got him to talk about it over the weekend, and he told me why he doesn't like to think about having kids. He does not want to risk having a female baby, because she would grow up to be a teenager. He said he remembers what he did with girls and got away with when he was a teenager (he's 33 now). So he doesn't want to risk having a little girl because he doesn't want to go through her growing up and becoming a teenager because he knows "what teenagers do." He said if there was a 100% chance of having a boy we would start trying to get pregnant right away. Does anyone have any advice on how I can try to talk to my husband about this or what I can do. I really want to have kids and I think my husband would be a wonderful father, but I don't know how to go about discussing this with him and reasoning with him. Any advice would be great, expecially from dads.
2007-09-28 09:08:11 · 20 answers · asked by Krisie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, its a natural thought, sure...i'm fearing having kids in general! You just never know what they can get into...sex, drugs, trouble....thats just how it is...You need to reassure him that its all in how you raise your kids, i mean no one knows what they will be like...you could have wonderful perfect little angel girls....Explain to him that people have different personalities, and you just can't be fearing the unknown, you have to embrace it! Its a 50/50 shot. I'm hoping that this isn't his excuse in the first place should he really just not want kids. Are you sure he wants children? If he wants a boy only and no girls, and he's adamant about never having children, then you have some problems here. Maybe couples counseling would help? He needs to get over this fear because boy or girl, you never know what can happen. A son is just as likely to get into trouble as a boy....parents have a responsibility to guide their children and do what they feel is best to teach them right from wrong. You just need to let your hubby know that you guys will instill the best values you can into your children's minds, and hope they listen!
2007-09-28 09:16:39 · answer #1 · answered by Triple Threat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a dad. I don't even play one on TV. But your husband should not let his former teenage self stand in the way of having a daughter. Studies show that girls who have high self-esteem, save their virginity for marriage (or at least a very serious relationship) and stay on track for their education and career are those who have a close relationship with their father. Fathers have much more influence over a girl's self-esteem than they think. And it wouldn't hurt to enroll her in Tae Kwon Do when she's old enough. Honestly, your husband's attitude sounds like a cop-out for not having kids at all. Many men realize what kinds of guys they were as teenagers and know darn well they don't want their daughters to date such guys. It's not like your husband is the first to feel that way.
2016-04-06 05:38:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this, but I think your husband is too much of a coward if he has given you this excuse.
I agree with many other answers and find his words totally idiotic ! I also think he just DOESN'T want to have kids; period. He just doesn't want you to see him as a mean and selfish man.
I really hope you discussed having kids before you got married...
But if he didn't tell you this before because he knew you do want children, then he was dishonest and selfish.... And this is a MAJOR issue in any relationship.
OH....PLEASE don't think that getting pregnant and having a child will change how he feels...DO NOT make that huge mistake! The child will be innocent yet will feel his/her father's rejection so PLEASE don't do this....!
TRUST ME...He will not change.
Perhaps you could go to therapy so you can deal with this appropiately. Good luck....
2007-09-28 09:34:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are plenty of girls that got through their teens without anything truly bad happening to them. You are probably one of them.
Try talking with your husband about how you would raise a girl to be someone who wouldn't make the choices and decisions that the other "teenagers do". A strong and supportive family environment can make all the difference in a child's life.
This is really an issue that you should have sorted out before the marriage. Don't hesitate to seek professional counseling to get through this issue.
2007-09-28 09:26:26 · answer #4 · answered by STPabroad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a pretty selfish view. How was he supposed to find a wife if everyone thought that way?
Challenge him to teach her better than he was taught if you get a girl.
Does he not know that there are in fact some daughters out there (then and now) that would break a guys arm if the boy tried something she wasn't willing to happen. How weak does he think all girls are?
On second thought: That's a dumb excuse that he thought of on the spot. Keep digging until you get down to a real answer.
Oh, and rent and watch Finding Nemo...
2007-09-28 09:17:51 · answer #5 · answered by Sway 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he's lying. I think he just doesn't want kids and knowing that there was no way to only have a boy it got him off the hook without crushing you because he just didn't want kids. You should ask him why he'd be okay with having a boy then if "he knows what teenagers do"? Why would he want a boy to do all the things that he did? When he says that he'd raise him better tell him he can raise his daughter better than to let boys do those things to her!
2007-09-28 09:16:07 · answer #6 · answered by girly 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
So you think he would be a wonderful father. But, he doesn't. He only wants a boy, but not a girl. You have been married for two years and you are just finding this out. Let me quess, you thought you could change him, remember men never fundmentally change. Never.
You can make sure it's a boy. Get preg. get an ultrasound if it is a girl, abort, repeat until you have a boy. See if he will agree with that.
I asked my wife no our second date if she wanted kids.
2007-09-28 09:16:43 · answer #7 · answered by Ron K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should you have to tallk your husband into having a baby you two are married did you discuss having children before you were married, this is why people shouldnt get married unless they want the same things out of life and children are a blessing from god not for him to choose what sex of a child he wants.
best of luck
2007-09-28 09:30:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you ask me, this is just his excuse for not wanting to have kids altogether. This is a complete load of b/s, and totally illogical, so there's no way to counteract it in a logical manner. Whether or not to have kids is something that has to be well-discussed and agreed upon BEFORE marriage - before engagement even. Ask him whether or not he will have children with you; if the answer is no - the ball is in your court; are you ok with a childless marriage, or do you feel it's a deal-breaker?
2007-09-28 09:41:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yep, and I have 4 brothers who were all hell raisers so gender has nothing to do with being a spoiled brat or being difficult.
Sounds like your hubby is being totally irrational to me. CHICKEN!
Put it to him this way. Let's see...if you got pregnant and you had a daughter...she would probably make someone a wonderful wife someday much the same way you are a wonderful wife to him!
Personally, I don't think he's being honest with you. He has issues you don't even know about! I'd be on his case to know the real reason he doesn't WANT CHILDREN!!! Has he had a vasectomy perhaps?? Good luck!
2007-09-28 09:20:42 · answer #10 · answered by butterflylover 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋