Breatfeeding... I know it is best, but I need some advice?

Question

I am 28 wks pregnant with my second child. In my first pregnancy, I was never successful at breastfeeding - he had complications that prevented him for doing it right away and after using a bottle for a while, we could never get the hang of it. I pumped milk for 6 weeks and gave that to my child, but that was all I could do.

This time, I want to be able to breatfeed. I feel a little guilty that I might be giving one child something better than I gave the other. Has anyone felt that way? How did you overcome it?

I feel like a beginner and don't have clue as to what it will be like and how to get through the hard part. Any personal experiences or any advice?

Answer 1

You shouldn't feel as though you are giving one child better treatment than the other. Firstly, you did the bext you could with the first child and you will do the best you can with this child. Secondly, you did give your firstborn breastmilk -- good for you! Pumping isn't easy.

My best advice for you is to talk with the lactation consultant at the hospital. They will usually make time to come and talk to you at least once while you are still in the hospital and they are generally available by phone around the clock.

I breastfed all my babies, but I actually had the hardest time with our second child. Even though I had breastfed before, our second baby was jaundiced at birth which created its own problems for breastfeeding. I called the lactation consultant several times and went in a couple times to her office so she could watch me feed and help me out.

After the first couple weeks, baby & I were pros at it.

So, surround yourself with support and you'll do just fine!

Congrats on your second baby!

Answer 2

I guess you would be doing a little better for one child than the other, but then again, you aren't going to love them exactly the same all the time, either. It's just a fact of life. As long as they can't tell which one you prefer today (it changes frequently) you're doing OK.

I'd say take nursing one day at a time for the first 3 months. You will hate it some nights, feel blissful some days, and scream in total frustration because the shower looks so good and you aren't in it AGAIN. Yeah, it's rough to start, but afterwards, you get something really special. It's amazing to look at your healthy, plump baby and realize that every ounce and every smile came from something you did. And, they get sick so much less, it's like Mother Nature's apology for the whole lack of sleep thing.

I breastfed all of my girls, so I never had the guilt except in weaning my first so I didn't prematurely birth her twin sisters. I do struggle with the entire notion of a daily favorite, though: some days I just want to play with ONE baby, or big sister, and I wonder if the others notice. Still, I like them and they trust me, so we're good.

You need as much person to person support as you can get. Try and find a nursing mom's playgroup, join LLL, find new friends with babies and realize that this will, gently, invade your brain for a while.

The "hard part" for me with the eldest was the first 6 weeks, she chomped and snarfled my nipples so badly I used to cry. The twins were a hard first six months, but once they learned to sit up and support their own heads, we were great. Breastfeeding works better with a baby who can support her own head and back, so exercising her (gentle situps, bicycling legs) is really beneficial for you both. There was a great Gymboree or something book about how to make exercise into baby playing, that was lovely.

As for you, you need to realize that this will be a season that has an eventual end (helpful during that third growth spurt in the first 2 months). You can give yourself now and the world will still be out there later, although you don't have to be totally deprived either. Breastfeeding is so adaptable you can do nearly anything on it (except major surgery and street drugs.)

Answer 3

Mama, first of all, you shouldn't feel guilty about the first child. We all learn and grow and you did the best with the resources you had. I'm sure you were and are a wonderful mother to your son. While breastfeeding certainly can shape the way you parent, it isn't the Alpha and the Omega. You need to focus on all the great things you did with your son and still do with your son, and let the past be the past.

Secondly: as you know, breastfeeding isn't quite as innate as one might think. If I were in your shoes, I would go to a La Leche League meeting and ask lots of questions, listen to other mamas and actually SEE breastfeeding. Do this BEFORE you have the baby so that you already know what to expect and so that you have some bf'ing support for when baby #2 arrives.

An invaluable online resource for bf'ing info is http://www.kellymom.com It is like the Encyclopedia Britannica of breastfeeding and I can't tell you how often I refer to it!

Best of luck and enjoy a successful bf'ing relationship!

Answer 4

First of all you did a wonderful thing by pumping for 6 weeks, you should feel proud of that!
I also think that you did what was best for the first and now you should do what is best for the second... if they aren't the same thing, thats ok. So breastfeed the second as best you can.

My couple of suggestions are this:
1. nurse your baby ASAP after birth... don't let the drs and nurses keep him away from you for very long
2. find a support group now. Don't wait until the baby comes. Those first weeks are rough (whether or not your nursing) and you wont' have time then to find someone. Make a friend, find a group, etc now.
3. read, read, read. Read about all the different scenarios with nursing. Troubles that others have had, best practices, etc. You can never learn too much

Let me know if you have any questions! Good luck!

Answer 5

Don't start with the bottles or your baby will prefer bottles. You pumped milk for 6 weeks and that is the most important time. You didn't just give up. Don't feel guilty like you are giving something more to your 2nd baby. You will do your best to give that baby the best milk the same as you did with your 1st, just hopefully it will not be so hard this time. Good luck. There is nothing like not having to sterilize and make bottles. Just unbutton your shirt, the milk is already the perfect temperature and on a clean part of the body. Just remember, if you need help have an experienced mom help you get started. My mom was the best when I had my baby.

Answer 6

Just have an open mind about it and give it a try. With my first child, we had some problems and I was only able to breastfeed for 7 weeks. When I got pregnant with my second child I just decided that since breastfeeding was best, I would give it a try for the first few weeks and if it didn't work I wasn't going to stress about it and I wasn't going to feel guilty about it if I had to stop. I was a little sore right at first, but I never had any of the same problems as I did the first time. It was so easy the second time and I think a lot of it was because I wasn't stressed about it. I just told myself I'd do it if it worked and not worry if it didn't. My son never would even take a bottle and I ended up breastfeeding him for 14 months. I have felt a little guilty at times because I wasn't able to breastfeed longer the first time, but that wasn't my son's fault and I just told myself that it wasn't right not to breastfeed him because I wasn't as successful with the first one. Although I do think that breastfeeding for 7 weeks was better than not doing it at all. And I consider that I breastfed both of my children. One was just exclusively breastfed and one had breast milk and formula.

Answer 7

OK, I understand the dynamic of not wanting to give the second child someting that the first did not have, however...

The first child had your undivided attention. The second will not have that. Think of breastfeeding as a way to even things out :)

Know better, do better.should be the mantra of mothers. Call a La Leche League Leader and get advice to avoid whatever problems you had the first time. Most breastfeeding issues are related to terrible advice and bad support in the post-partum period, not any defecit in the mother.

Think of the wonderful modeling your older child will get by watching you breastfeed the second baby. That is the best way to ensure that your childrens' children will be breastfed.

p.s. that 6 weeks of pumped milk made a TREMENDOUS difference in your child's health. Don't be so hard on yourself!

Answer 8

I went through something similar with my first son. He was so small (5 lbs) and couldn't suck that well so we ended up giving him a bottle.

I've had three more kids since then and breastfeed all of them. I never felt guilty about not breastfeeding my first. I tried, and tried hard. It just worked out best in the end for him to take a bottle. With my second son I was more determined, and all-though it didn't come as easy as I would have liked, I (we) did it. And it got easier with each one.

Don't feel guilty at all. You sound like a great mom. And as far as what people say about kids who are breastfed and those who aren't - my oldest is just as healthy, and super smart.

Good Luck - and Congratulations.

Answer 9

The first few weeks are difficult. It's more than a bit uncomfortable at first, but it really does get better.

There should be a lactation consultant at the hospital when you give birth, to help you the first time you try to feed. (and other time you need her help while there). Some women find this very helpful. And don't be ashamed to ask relatives or friends you know who have already been down that road. Unfortunately, i had to learn the hard way, nothing that was suggested worked for my daughter. She refused to nurse the "right" way. I was at the point of frustration and almost gave up , when i stopped trying to teach" her. Then the most amazing thing happened.... SHE taught ME. She knew how she wanted to eat, and what worked for her. And as soon as i calmed down and stopped worrying about whether i was doing things the "right" way, we had no problems. She's a little pro now.

Just remind yourself that it won't always hurt. Once you get used to nursing (about 3 weeks for me) your nipples are no longer as sensitive, and your body begins to regulate its milk production, so you don't get as engorged.

Answer 10

don't feel guilty. You gave your son what you could. My son was a preemie (Almost 3 months early) and he had to be on a feeding tube and I pumped for the 10 weeks he was in the hospital and when he came home I had to use formula. Today is a an EXTREMEMLY active, healthy 3 year-old. We also have an incredibly strong bond. Don't let others opinions on breastfeeding make you feel guilty for what you had to do to feed your son.