my fiance was recently in a car accident after a series of bad decisions, which i cant help but blame on him being disfellowshipped and his family and friends not talking to him. he always said he was depressed and was trained to believe it, but stepped out and couldnt believe what he was taught. now he says hes going back and doesnt want to be with me because now that hes in the hospital all the jw's are there w/ him. i cant help but think thats its fear thats making him go back, and what can i do to help him? is this just because hes scared and they are making him think this happened because he left? i know it was his own decisions, but he went through a very angry time after he was dissed....im so hurt and confused as to what i can do to convince him he wouldnt be happy, which i know in my heart he wouldnt.
2007-09-28 08:21:50 · 8 answers · asked by Heather M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm very sorry you are going through this.
I agree with Ishvarian in that he should get some conselling.
Regardless of whether he does or not, may I strongly suggest that you talk to a professional, at least once. There are so many complex issues with this religion and the way it entraps people that it would good for you to be able to dump on a neutral third party.
Witnesses are in an abusive family arrangement. The "Society" is the angry, controllingparent and the individual members are like the codependent children or spouse.
Someone, especially, who has been born and raised in this environment is going to have a tough time leaving it behind. It's not impossible though. I have friends who are third-generation JWs who have successfully left. (Even my first husband, also a 3rd gen. dub, told me not long ago that he was quietly quitting... and joining the Hell's Angels because he thought they treated him better!)
Your fiance's social bond with his witness friends and family was probably very valuable to him. On top of that though, you mention that you think he's scared. Their picture of AngryDaddyGod has them constantly fearful of whether they will survive the pending Armageddon which they believe only they will survive.
When someone first quits the witnesses, they have a purging process to go through to clean up the debris of their scare tactics. The witnesses left behind make horrific comments to the one chosing to leave. They will assume he's gone off to a life of "immorality," and that he's going to die. When I told them I was quitting, someone who had been my friend and was trying to convince me to stay said: "What will your [late] husband say when he's resurrected and you're not there?"!
And, if they think someone who's left is coming back, they will try to "love bomb" him while going to great lengths to cut him off from any external influences. At a minimum, that would be you.
As much as you must love him, you need to take care of yourself first. Like when you get on a plane and they tell parents to put on their own oxygen mask before they help their children, you can't help him if you're bewildered about what just happened and what you should do next.
You are not the first person this has happened to Heather. There is a huge group of us who have quit this aberrant organization and who can answer questions for you. We can tell you the truths that the witnesses can't or won't because we no longer fear these sad, crazy little men who control every breath of active witnesses.
Explore the link below. It will help as well. Fortify yourself with knowledge. You have my total sympathy.
Suzanne
2007-09-28 20:43:37 · answer #1 · answered by Suzanne 5 · 5⤊ 5⤋
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2016-05-05 23:17:50 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bad things didn't happen bc he left. bad decisions are a part of life, and jw's know that. there is punishment for a reason, and god always forgives. it takes people a long time to decide what it is they want to do with their life. i'm sure he did go through a point where he was angry and blamed the organization for what happened, but it seems that he has reached a place in his life where he realizes that his decisions were just that - his decisions. the organization is loving and accepting, and if he feels that it is time for him to re-evaluate his life, then he has a right to do that. he may decide that he wants nothing to do with it, or he may decide that he was depressed because it was missing from his life. you don't know what he will ultimately decide. what you have to remember is that you can't, nor can anyone else, make this decision for him. you have to decide to love him one way or the other, and whether you can accept his beliefs, if he chooses to adopt them. you don't know what will make him happy, only he can determine that.
2007-09-28 08:39:25 · answer #3 · answered by hh 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Well first off, if you really think depression caused him to get in an accident, you need to try to get him in some counseling.
As for why he would go back, there are numerous reasons. If it is for the right reasons, wanting to be a Christian again, wanting to lead the life of a Witness, then the best thing you can do is support him, and if you really love him, find out why he is attracted to being a Witness, and then decide if it is for you or not.
Talk with him about it.
Hope this helps.
2007-09-28 16:17:00 · answer #4 · answered by Ish Var Lan Salinger 7 · 3⤊ 3⤋
I am a active Jehovah's Witness and I'm very sorry to hear that he was in a accident.
You should ask for a free home bible study and support him coming back to the truth.
Jehovah loves his people and no doubt wants him to come back. Jehovah loves and cares about you as well and is drawing you to learn about his wonderful truth.
Jehovah's Witnesses are a happy people because we serve the happy God Jehovah. Life is so much better when you have a close relationship with Jehovah God and his Son Jesus Christ. I would talk to the Witnesses and see about studying the Bible with them. I know your eyes would be opened to the truth.
Have a nice day.
2007-10-01 07:33:10 · answer #5 · answered by Jason W 4 · 5⤊ 3⤋
Loneliness -
He knows nothing else.
It is a powerful deception.
Jesus stated very strongly that this deception (knowledge, community, lifestyle) must be replaced by something else quickly.
Matthew 12:43-45: "When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none. Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation."
2007-09-29 03:57:32 · answer #6 · answered by troll to troll 7 · 5⤊ 3⤋
Please be compassionate--he's under Mind Control and has spent years being brainwashed.
Whatever love the two of you have had was possibly the only reason he found enough courage and strength to leave--now he's been weakened physically, emotionally and psychologically all over again.
If you really care for him and want to help fight for his freedom you can try your best to contact him but he may believe that his life is at stake talking with you.
The conditional "love" and conditional emotional support they are giving him right now is called "love bombing" by those who study cults. If you want a deeper understanding of these techniques you need to study up on the mind control and brainwashing done by cults.
Do your best to forgive him for his weaknesses--he has been under an insurmountable pressure and, frankly, it WILL be a miracle when he leaves.
If you have a personal relationship with Jesus then share that and let Go and let God deal with the situation.
My prayers are with you and for his freedom.
2007-09-28 19:19:38 · answer #7 · answered by steinbeck11 6 · 6⤊ 4⤋
(James 4:8-10) Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you indecisive ones. ...Humble yourselves in the eyes of Jehovah, and he will exalt you.
(James 5:13-15) Is there anyone suffering evil among you? Let him carry on prayer. ...Is there anyone [spiritually] sick among you? Let him call the older men of the congregation to him, and let them pray over him, [metaphorically] greasing him with oil in the name of Jehovah. And the prayer of faith will make the indisposed one well, and Jehovah will raise him up.
Learn more:
http://watchtower.co.uk/e/19880415/article_01.htm
http://watchtower.co.uk/e/19970101/article_01.htm
2007-10-01 07:16:50 · answer #8 · answered by achtung_heiss 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋