Just something a little unique. See if you like it?

Question

exercise in futility

I feel sometimes like taking a plane
Maybe somewhere like Madrid Spain
Life is twisted agony, it is made up of just pain
I sometimes think everynight< I have gone insane

I love it when it is cold and it starts to rain
I watch the water as it runs down the gutter drain
Sometimes when I think, it is very hard to complain
Then I feel all of a sudden, I am totally completely sane

My life you could ay has always been plain
A song that is sung with only the refrain
I know I was born with a good brain
But my innocence taken early, it was ripped and slain

I still often think of jumping in front of a train
But this option I came to disdain
I feel like I am Abel and my brothers name is Cain
I think it is time to sit down and try my best to explain

Answer 1

i know how you feel...

Answer 2

The content is good, and I love the ain endings for all the lines, (unlike that other writer). You worked hard. However, the meter is shot!
Meter is the daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM

Like in line 1:
Could read "I really feel sometimes like taking a plane.
Maybe go somewhere like Madrid, - Spain
My life is an agony - made up of pain,
I sometimes think - every night - I've gone insane!

Those lines follow a good regular meter rhythm. The content is the same, but now the daDUMs are correct.

English is so good for allowing alternate words that have just the same meaning to be used to make meter work.

Verse 2, line 2: change /only/ to "just" since that gets the meter correct there too.

And so on. You do the rest - well I did this one too. . .you like?

I still often think "I'll die by a train. . ."
But even this option I've come to distain
I feel like I am Abel and my brother is Cain
I guess it is time. . .I'll try to explain.

Answer 3

For all you people who ponder upon what it means to be in agony,
and spend the precious life to find a clue......

Why a river runs so desperately towards the sea ,
that surely is the end of her own she sees.?
Why does the moon so happily shines with the light she gathers,
from the sun she never can meet?
Why is it that the sunflower turns and follows
the path that the sunlight moves.?
Why does the sea rise in extacy every night
when the full moon beam so far ,so bright?
Why is it then the earth wears green,
when the sky sends the showers of rain?
Why is it that the moth so shy
kisses the flame and hopes to die.?
Why ? oh tell ,do tell me why.
That's the meaning of of our Life.

Answer 4

Not quite up to the quality of the last one, but definitely a good effort. The meter falters a little and reading gets a bit bogged in some places, but overall, I'll give you 8.5 of 10 on it.

Answer 5

Definitely Unique.

But I like it.

The fluency is a little off, and you aught to change a few words around, But Other than that, It's well written.

Good Jorb!

Answer 6

You need to check your spelling, grammar and punctuation, but this is an EXCELLENT poem! It 'shows' rather than 'tells' what you are 'feeling' and it does a very good job of that. I'll give you an A ... it would be an A+ if you had checked your spelling, etc.

Answer 7

This is very unique baby. I love it, all the rhyming are the same, which makes it different. Great work, my love.

Love
Your angel

Answer 8

Nice poem ; well written ; but there;s so much pain in there It;s good that your writing to release the pain too... lots of luck always,.,.

Answer 9

I love it but reading this makes me notice that you are suffering. Whats wrong ?whats going on in your life? i hope that you don't jump infront of that train. well anyways its a beutiful poem.

Answer 10

I like it. But you have a whole life time and world to explore.

Answer 11

aha wow

thats really good

i thing the rhymings good and all but it should change every paragraph :)