living together VS marriage...any difference?

Question

i've been living with my boyfriend for 3 years (together for 4) . we love eachother and stuff. we're atheists and so we don't find marriage necessary part of life....but tax breaks, saving on insurance, and other legal rights are important. ok so my question is have any of you been in the situation (being perfectly happy shacked up) and finally married your partner only to be cursed by the negative stigma of marriage?

'by negative stigma' i mean people think divorce instead of breaking up. husband, wife, and things like seem almost negative these days because of the divorce rate.

we already love eachother we don't need paper for that. reasons for marriage would be the legal ones.

by the way marriage has EVERYTHING to do with religion. it's just too bad separation of church and state hasn't gotten this far. why do you think homosexuals can't get married? cause god said so.

Answer 1

Nah, we were pretty much the same shacked up as we were married. Insurance and other legal rights are important. Go for the papers I say. :)

Answer 2

I sure don't think it's a curse by the negative stigma of marriage. Statistics do show that if a couple has lived together BEFORE marriage, that there is a higher chance for divorce. I think part of that is because one of them thinks things will get better once they are married or they will feel better about the relationship once they have that commitment. If everything is going good & neither of you have any expectations of things changing or getting better, then I personally think you have a much better chance. I am a little concerned that you stated your reasons for marrying are tax breaks, insurance & legal matters. Even if your reasons for marriage aren't religous, I would hope they would be because you truely love each other & you want that commitment. Which may be 100% true, I don't know. But, there is no "curse" You just have to be doing it for the right reasons & have a great relationship with no "I'd be happy if only ____ would change"
Good luck

Answer 3

Marriage is about the only thing people in the US do to purposely invite the government into their lives. If you break up with your BF you two take what is yours and you're done with it. Divorce on the other hand, the split up takes 3 months to 2 years to be finished. You want to talk about stigma, try dating when you are separated but not divorced. Leper anyone? I've been married twice. In my opinion the benefits do not out weight the negatives. Uncle Sam can keep his tax breaks. Like you I am an atheist so I have no religious reasons to view marriage as a positive thing.

There are legal documents that can be filled out and filed that will give your partner you junk if something were to happen. You can fill out a living will so that your choices are known.

I'm going to agree with Holli above me but for different reasons. In 10 years when the two of you realize the relationship has not worked out, you simply hug and go your separate ways. No sticking around for a few extra miserable years because you had a ceremony. The marriage is NOT needed for two people to commit themselves to each other. A non married couple can be just as loving, happy, and faithful as a married couple.

Answer 4

I, too, am happily cohabitating with my BF of 5 years (we've been living together for 3), and aside from the tax breaks, etc. (which we could actually get if we filed taxes as common-law spouses, which we can legally do here in Colorado), I really don't see how our life right now would be any different if we were married. However, my BF (and his uber-Catholic family) have a problem with the idea of having children without being married, for some reason, so I guess we will end up getting married in the not-too-distant future. It is still important to me to get married, not for religious reasons and not because I think it's really any different than what we're doing now, but because I really want to stand up and say those vows in front of our friends and loved ones. I just want us to have a day where we tell each other how we feel in a really big way, and a wedding seems like a good setting for that. In the meantime, though, we're happy as can be and definitely plan to spend the rest of our lives together, one way or another.

Answer 5

Atheism has nothing do with marriage, as marriage is beyond the limitations of religion. I, and many other Atheists I know, are very happily married.

If you only consider marriage for the tax breaks and insurance, then you are definitely not ready to be married. People who consider marriage just a piece of paper are much more likely to get divorced, thus the negative stigma you mentioned.

Marriage is about dedicating your life to someone and agreeing to be partners in all aspects of life, to love and care for each other in all circumstances. Living together unmarried means you two have not made this dedication completely. For me, being married is fun ever day. We've been together for 12 years, married for 6, and are truly happy with our life together.

Answer 6

I got married- because It made me (personally) feel more connected to each other..
there are things that are not advantages: I Just got married- last year - I got $4000 back in taxes(earned income) this year- I will be paying $3000 in. My car insurance is a little cheaper..... $10....whooppeeeee... but, its the way I feel more connected is why I chose to get married.
If you don't want to get married- don't.....if it doesn't bother you not be be married- living together is fine..I know people that have done that for 20 years.
I also know somebody that has been together for 5+ years..living together..2 months after they got married- they divorced...

Answer 7

Well married couples have legal rights. Even if you or or man have a will, depending on the state, any family member can have you removed, because you have no legal rights. So I would;d get married just in case something happens-you don't want to be grieving over the lost of your man and be thrown out on the street the same day.

Answer 8

The other advantages of being married vs living together is that if something does happen, you have a right to 1/2 of the property they the two of you have built together. If you are only living together you could very easliy be out in the cold. Also if something would happen to your boyfriend, even though you live together, his family can step in and take everything that is his if he doesn't live a will behind. Even if you think the relationship with his family is good you may be surprised at the changes in people if there is a sudden death. Please don't take that wrong - hopefuly you both will live a long healthy life but if something would happen, (car accident, etc), then his family could take anything that is his. You may have a legal fight on your hands in that case. Overall, the advantages of being married outweight living together unless you see problems in the near future.

Answer 9

I think it's just plain sad people actually don't want to make the commitment of marriage. Mariage isn't about tax breaks and other "benefits". Just shaking up will eventually catch up with you marriage is work just living together is not when your bored 10 years down the road you both can simply move on to new people. if your married you work and work at your marriage with hard work comes great rewards the best reward is a realtionship that took the test of time and won. Marriage is what you make it . But sounds to me like you already have your mind made up but still questioning your already made decision. GL

Answer 10

We have lived together for at least 20 years. I helped raise her 4 kids, and then 3 grandkids. Just last year, a "career" came along for my other half. She left me for a job traveling, more money & management position. I was reduced to visitation. We could only be together 4 days a month. Not acceptable. We broke up. Thank God I didn't marry her.

Answer 11

In my opinion you should live with someone for at least a year before getting married so you two are already ahead of the game. I would go ahead and make it "legal" so that you can get the same benefits under the law as married couples do. The "stigma" only exist if you allow it to.

Good luck.