train crash
Blood drips down in rivers
From where I slashed my arms
I pills I have just taken
Insurance, I brought the farm
Time ticks oh so slowly
When you are waiting just to die
A minute seems like hours
Upstairs a baby cries
Why it ever came to this
I don't think I even know
Trains sometimes crash together
Acts of God are painfully slow
I think I just got lost
In the hustle of the city
All the things I used to love
I have no interest, only pity
Everything I have cared for
All the things I once believed
It was all just nonsense
That is why it is time to leave.
2007-09-28 06:07:04 · 5 answers · asked by The Dark Prince 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Hey Kevin L. Take a valium and chill. I am getting married soon and I am just witing a poem. Don't be so literal. I am many things but Loser is not one. I would say u are the loser since you have no sense of humor or compassion for your fellow man. I have pain in my life. I was raped and molested by a priest for 2 years when I was 5 and then my parents thought it might be a good idea to beat the living crap out of me everyday for the nest 5 years. So do me a favor. think before you pass jusgment, after all Christ said Judge not lest ye be judged yourself and people who live in glass house should not throw stones. So unless you are the perfect human, doubtful, I'd back off.
2007-09-28 06:57:01 · update #1
This one gets an A- ... look at the first stanza ...you have 'grave errors' in the third line, and the fourth line. FIX THEM and it will be an A+.
I'm sorry you are 'depressed' but if you keep writing like this, you'll be FINE ...
2007-09-28 06:25:45 · answer #1 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's very good. That bus is good for you. I'm not a big fan of suicide, but that was good, and I actually enjoyed reading it. I also think you need to name your bus. Call it Mass Transit Inspiration, and for fun call the poem "Mass Transit Melodrama". Just kidding, of course. I'm waiting for what comes next.
2007-09-28 13:23:49 · answer #2 · answered by Dondi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i also like this 1
2007-09-28 16:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by AJ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
keep riding the bus because so far all of your poems are amazing, peace :)
2007-09-28 19:37:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. You shouldn't leave your soul exposed. Satan will glom on to it.
2007-09-28 13:15:22 · answer #5 · answered by toughnottobeacynic 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋