Is there something going on?

Question

My husband befriended a female 3 months ago when he asked her to be on his softball team. In the last 3 mths his texts have went ski high. And she calls him during the day, or he calls her. I have told my husband that it was getting out of hand. And it needs to cool off for a while. It got to the point he would text her when he left the house or was working over. I have read the texts and there is nothing there to say something is going on. The women is married, and I have meant her. I dont feel right about it.
Now the texts have gone down quit a bit, but more calling each other. Dont know how to deal with this. She wont text me unless I text first. She would rather talk to him all day. Her husband is fine with this but Iam not. Not sure if I should just sit back and keep my eyes and ears open? Im not a jealious person but I've never been through this before.... And advice?

Answer 1

reguardless of wether or not there is anything going on between them that is more than just friends- it's bothering you and putting a strain on your relationship- you're husband should make it a point to work on it- instead of keeping it up with the other girl. (hopefully you've expressed to him verbally that it bothers you) Also- not to make a negative spin on it- but if something more were going on- lots of time they will say, "see look at my text messages-- nothing is going on".. but its just a bunch of BS... really something is going on- just the 'bad' text messages are deleted or not sent or whatever.

Answer 2

well.. my ex-wife had a male friend who she txted all the time and then called all the time. And she was having an affair with him. So i would say it doesnt matter if someone is married, if they are talking and txting that much.. it sounds as if there is something going on.

I would tell him you arent comfortable with the txting or calling and ask what he would think if you were txting or calling a male friend all the time. Based on his response or lack of caring about your request will be your answer. Also if he immediately gets defensive, he is definitely doing something he shouldnt be doing. I guarantee it. Im sure there could be an exception, but based on my experience i would say she and your husband have something going on other than softball! Good luck and if he refuses to stop and keeps working over, just hire a PI for a couple nights.. just 3 or 4 hours per nite.. to hang out at his work and follow him where he goes. I did that for ammo in court. It cost about 800 bucks (which seems steep) but it can be used as documented evidence in court.

Answer 3

Come on, you might not be a jealous person, but it does not mean you can be a blind on. She is in the softball team that is all, why all the text and phone calls? Nothing might be going on now, but leave it alone and it will happen sooner or later. Tell your husband the phone calls and texts are to stop that he has no reason to keep in contact with her. If he objects, then this should tell you that his friendship with her means more to him than your feelings.

Answer 4

Talking with this woman is cutting in on your time with your husband, isn't it? Don't put up with it. Demand it all stop. It may start out innocent, but when a man turns to another woman other than his wife, you have trouble brewing. It is not that I am jealous or controlling woman, but I am aware there are sleazy chicks who will do anything to get my man. Her husband may have something else going on too, so why would he care? Your husabnd is providing the companionship this woman should be getting from her own mate. How would your husband feel if the roles were reversed?

Answer 5

you don't dangle a bone in front of a dog and expect him NOT to try to go after it.
It may be innocent now, but it won't be for long.
Cancel your cell package, problem solved.
Wait - even better - if the phone is in your name, call and get a list of the text messages from his phone over the last billing cycle. Print it all up and show it to him. Tell him he's got a problem and if he doesn't cut ties with her, the next day when he comes home from work he'll find all of his things on the front yard with the locks changed.
People don't treat you badly unless you allow them to. Stand up for yourself already.

Answer 6

There is no reason to send text messages someones husband. The are both out of line. You do not need to tolerate this. You said she would rather talk to him all day and her husband is fine with this. That says it all.

Answer 7

Instead of telling him to cool it for a while, ask him if there's something he's not getting from you that you can improve on...
He might just really need attention right now. It doesn't sound like he's cheating, he might just need a female opinion on things or female attention.
It's unfortunate, but some times we make things worse by ordering them around instead of trying to find out what the real problem is.

Answer 8

I am not saying that married couples cannot have friends of the opposite sex but just remember most affairs usually just start out as people being just "friends" i am sure it may be nothing but i think that you have reason to be upset. If it gets to be a huge problem than you have to talk to him about it.

Answer 9

His contact with the woman should be about the same with the other team mates.

This sounds a bit accessive.

Answer 10

Guys have 3 states of mind, they are cheating, they are thinking about cheating, or they are thinking about the consequences of cheating. It might not be in the forefront of their minds, but it is there.