My husband is abusive emotionally and physically to my children and I. Today he was sleeping and my 2 year old got on the bed and he kicked him off so hard that he hit the wall and has a bump on his head and got a bloody nose. Before you look down on me, it's not that I don't want to leave him, but I'm so afraid. My husband supports me totally. I have no job, no money, no car, no friends, I just have him. He puts me down so much as a wife and mother that I sometimes wonder if he's right for staying and letting my kids live like this. I just don't know where to start. I know if I don't leave he's gonna hurt someone badly and I don't want it to be my children. I don't know why I'm so afraid to be without him. How do you get over that? I know its best for my kids, but I'm still scared. My biggest fear is that he'll get joint custody and I won't be here to protect them. If I stay I know he'll never be alone with them.
2007-09-28 04:42:14 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, prepare. The reason you're afraid to be without him might be a fear of being alone. If you weigh the pros and cons, you can tell being alone would be much better than staying. Talk to family members and get their support to help you out for the after math of leaving. Stay with someone you trust and who can keep you protected. Also, you need evidence somehow of him being abusive. Be careful, becuase you don't want him to get suspcious and do something worse. With enough strong evidence, a good lawyer, and a supportive family, you'll be able to get away from him with your kids and he will most likely not have joint custody at all.
2007-09-28 04:51:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Find a battered women's shelter and go there. They have day care for the kids and many will place you in a job. Do you have a girlfriend or SOMEBODY who can drive you there, or even drive you to one in the next town? If so, do it now before he kills you or one of the kids.
If you can properly document every time he kicks your child against the wall, (that is if you don't want to call the cops,) then there's no way he couldn't get custody of a goldfish. I know it's hard to trust the courts because you hear horror stories, but in this case. there's a 99% chance they'll see through his B.S.
Anyway, whatever you do, do it soon enough so it doesn't become too late. By the way, when Tina Turner left Ike, all she had on her were a driver's license and a nearly-maxed credit card along with the clothes she was wearing. That's it. She knew if she didn't leave that day, she may be dead the next day. I don't mean to scare you, but I just want to make the point that you must get out.
2007-09-28 05:17:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not in a good situation.
First off do you have family and/or friends from way back when.
Contact them. There is a significant chance that if you tell them the situation they will help you.
Start saving bits of money from shopping Just to get you enough to get out by bus or something with the kids.
Go to either a shelter or possibly a convent. Look I know it sounds silly but you have to think outside what he is thinking.
Where would he expect you to go? Don't go there. Choose any other direction.
I don't know the age of the children but if they are in school talk to the teachers and they may be able to help.
There are shelters for people like you.
You'd be entitled to benefits (do not forget to press charges once out. It won't be much but it could help you to get back on your feet.
I know you are afraid and I agree that it is not a good situation But to be without your husband you will learn to stand strong again. Don't forget he made you this depended on him so now he can totally overpower you. You are his possession and he can do what he likes Or so he thinks.
Your children deserve more. A loving one parent home is always better than an abusive one. Furthermore if you stay there will be a significant chance that any sons will be as abusive and girls will get into abusive relationships themselves. For the sake of your children show them a better way. Let them be the reason for you to find the inner strength to face this huge fear.
Go, leave him, My thoughts are with you
2007-09-28 05:04:11 · answer #3 · answered by MissE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How bad is bad because giving a two year old a bloody nose is bad enough to me. I know you say you are scared and I believe you but money should not be the thing holding you back because the thing that would scare me the most is that he may one day hurt someone so bad that there is no fixing it. I am sure you have a family member or friend that would gladly let you stay there until you got a job and on your feet. I don't think any court would give him custody if you can prove he is abusive. Take pictures document it and make sure you protect your children. I wish you all the luck and you and your family are in my prayers
2007-09-28 04:50:15 · answer #4 · answered by Kristi S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It took me a long time to leave my abusive ex as well. When I finally did, it was a a relief so much so, that I could feel all the stress draining away. You need to go to court and get a restraining order. You need to have documented the abuse to yourself and to your children. This will help insure that he will only be able to have supervised visits. Once the restraining order is filed, the police will come to your home and remove him. Make sure you've packed his clothing etc... and put it in a closet - or somewhere he won't look, so you can just hand him his belongings on the way out the door and he won't have to start going through the house. You will have to go to court 10 days later to renew the order for a year if you'd like. Make sure he is unable to call you as well during this time, because abusers can charm their partners into vacating the order. File in the court for divorce, support and sole custody allowing supervised visits. There has not been a day I've regretted leaving my ex.
2007-09-28 05:30:22 · answer #5 · answered by Lioness 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't have any thing of your own, because he has made sure you don't so you won't feel you can leave him. That is how an abuser works, they take everything away even Independence, so you will think you need him, to survive. But you don't. I would speak to your family, and or friends, if you can't then you should speak to one of the meany woman's shelters available. I don't know where you are from (me-Canada) so the system can be different. You should also speak with the police, and a good lawyer to keep him away from you and the kids. You can't protect your kids if he beats on you first and then beats on them. It is not protecting them, they are learning from him, that this is normal, when it is not.
Please for every ones sake. Get Help, and Get Out.
2007-09-28 05:00:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call the police right now. Have the guy put in jail. TAKE THE BABY TO THE HOSPITAL!!! Get a restraining order. Change the locks on the house or move.
Or -
Call the police and have them take you to a safe house for women and children. TAKE THE BABY TO THE HOSPITAL!!!! Get a restraining order.
Or-
Go to the police station and have them take you. TAKE THE BABY TO THE HOSPITAL. Get a restraining order
Seriously, if you don't do this immediately a judge is going to declare YOU incompetent.
You just have to do it. If you are in this situation then you don't have courage or the courage has been stolen from you and it's not coming back anytime soon. You just have to do the right thing!!!! DO IT NOW!!!!!
Once you do this you will realize that you do have people, lots of people, and he is using a very ancient and effective technique of abuse and isolation to make you feel like he is the only person in the world you can depend on and that you are so worthless you can't even depend on yourself. GET OUT NOW!!
2007-09-28 04:53:21 · answer #7 · answered by dontdoubtit 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You and I have had our problems in the past but Kat, seriously...you need to get out now. I know it's hard and scary but think about how your kids feel. If you call for help now and document the abuse your husband has done the Judge will be less likely to allow joint custody. Your husband should then be ordered to pay support. Good luck and please take care.
D
2007-09-28 20:49:03 · answer #8 · answered by AKA D2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out! You MUST protect your children and yourself. You will have to fight for your children. Hopefully the stupid court won't allow joint physical custody with an abusive father. Document prior abusive behavior.
You have to change the feeling that "If I stay I know he'll never be alone with them." What about your son with the bump on his head and bloody nose? You were around and you couldn't protect him from your monster of a husband.
PLEASE THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN! YOU MUST PROTECT THEM!
2007-09-28 04:51:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
is there a women's crisis center or something similar where you live? i'm sure where you live, you can get assistance to help with shelter, food, employment, things you need if you are a single mother with 2 kids. then go to the police station and file a report for the abuse he's caused to your 2 yr. old. you can probably get a restraining order against him if you and you kids have been physically threatened by him. reading what you've written, it shouldn't be hard. He may even get arrested for child abuse if the incident this morning happened like you said. please, this is serious , DON'T LET YOUR KIDS DOWN! they can't get out for themselves, they need help. Kids should be able to count on parents to keep them safe, since dad is the one abusing, mommy needs to stand up and be hero. It will probably be hard for a while, but at least you and your kids will be safe and together.
2007-09-28 04:54:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋