I am truly happily married but can't get my mind off a guy who I know and see very little of, but so attracted to. He is married as well. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to know he feels the same way about me. I know its wrong and wouldn't ever go there with him, but there is a small part of me that would love to. This has been going on for almost a year. Thought I was over this fantasy but its come back WHYYYYYYYY? My husband is everything I want and more, I love him so very much, but he's not him.
2007-09-28 04:37:42 · 24 answers · asked by Maria 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because he is the forbidden fruit!! The way I get over these kind of thoughts is I tell myself everyday that acting on the heat of the moment will never measure up to the fantasy I have of him - so I would rather hold onto the fantasy, There is no danger of ruining a great marriage because of a fantasy but there is if you act on it.
2007-09-28 04:45:45 · answer #1 · answered by nomo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, these things happen. Love is not a one-person concept - you can love or be attracted to people in different ways and for different reasons. Never mind the fantasy - it does not hurt your husband if you think about this other man or even fantasize about having sex with him. If that makes you happy your husband will benefit from it - having a happier wife. Acting on the fantasy is a totally different story though - but it seems that you have ruled that out anyway. So, don't worry, enjoy what you have.
2007-09-28 11:46:54 · answer #2 · answered by cyranonew 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really pray that this never happens to me again. I had it happen one time about 15 years ago. I was married to another man, it drove me nuts. I never did anything about it, in fact I grew to resent the man I was thinking about. I left my husband over it because I felt so guilty. I never went out with the man who consumed me at that time, to this day I wonder about him though. I feel sorry for you going through this, I hope you find the answer you are looking for, I didn't ever find a solution to this problem other than run away, and I am sure that was the wrong thing to do...I was really young at the time. Today if I find a man even remotely attractive and we have to spend any time at all together, I do something to make him not like me very much, I don't think this is right either however it will eliminate any crushes on me.
2007-09-28 12:27:05 · answer #3 · answered by Kaboom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't beat yourself on her head for having fantasies. Look at the positive side, you had a crush on a guy, but you did not pursue a relationship with him. You kept your love and priorities in order. A fantasy is healthy don't let it become an obsession. The more you fight it, the more you will end up thinking about it. Your husband probably has a few fantasies of his own. You are a good woman, just stay good :O)
2007-09-28 12:19:48 · answer #4 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though you've got fantastic chemistry with this other bloke. Glad you use the word 'fantasy' though - they say the grass is always greener; they're right!
You could end up losing what sounds like a lovely marriage if you let this distraction turn into something more. Maybe it's time to change jobs, move house or whatever and get away from temptation!
2007-09-28 12:01:22 · answer #5 · answered by Denzel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why? because my dear its a desire you have and you know that its either something you cannot have or if you do you're cognizant of any consequences of your action. In other owrds the bad outweighs the good.
We all want (for our own egos) to know that we are desired and wanted by someone else. Thats stimulating mentally as well as physically.
Like everything else it'll pass. And of course your husband isn't "him". Neither am I nor anyone else. The qualities you find so attractive in your husband are still there but lets face it...the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.
My advice...get a pair of green tint sunglasses and start surveying your husband and what you have. Looks pretty lush doesn't it?
2007-09-28 11:51:15 · answer #6 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question when you referred to it as a fantasy. Being married, even to the one you recognize as your soul mate, eventually gets to be just the everyday whatever. But someone new... who takes your breath away, and is looking back at you with the same interest... well, it's pretty heady stuff, and difficult to resist.
But you know the difference between right and wrong, and as long as you don't act on it, you're entitled to all the fantasies you can envision.
2007-09-28 11:47:14 · answer #7 · answered by tacka.... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think most people are tempted to stray in marriage, but that doesn't mean you must give in to the temptation. The reason your feelings have continued is that you dwell on them. The less time you spend around this man, and the less time you allow yourself to think about him and "what if . . . ?", the quicker this temptation will pass. It takes self-discipline to overcome temptation and to refuse these thoughts quickly every time they come to mind, but doing so will strengthen you and your marriage.This fantasy is not worth risking the loss of your relationship with your wonderful husband. I wish you well in strengthening your marriage! May you live "happily ever after."
2007-09-28 11:52:05 · answer #8 · answered by run?imn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A fantasy. Keep it at that. If you HAVE to, make sure the lights are out and do some pretending. Just don't let that "little part" grow or it will be trouble for everyone.
2007-09-28 11:44:14 · answer #9 · answered by Dakota_Roots 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a crush on this guy....I would suggest that you limit your time around him....being that you are sure he feels the same way about you....you will eventually turn to one another when things get rough at home...and well it doesn't take a "rocket scientist" to figure out what will happen next.
2007-09-28 11:43:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋