If a couple decided to divorce who do you think should take the child?

Question

They have a 4 years old son and they live in two different countries. They both love him and want him. If you were this child, who would you prefer to be with? Or do you know any story like this? Father or mother?

Answer 1

My son's father is Chinese; we split up when my son was a year old, and he went back to Hong Kong. There was never any question as to who should rear our son - it was always going to be me. His mother got very angry with him because she felt the child should be raised in HER family home...but we both felt that the support network in my country was better.

After a year, my ex stopped communicating with me; he said he found it too painful to continue when he could only see his son every year or so.

It's a very difficult situation, where this happens, because there is such pain involved for both parents..there are no winners. The child's needs should come first of course, but sometimes we can lose sight of that fact.How will the child feel, not seeing the other parent on a regular basis?

There is no easy answer here; the couple should try to put hteir own feelings aside, and do thier best to be present in the childs life, no matter which parent the child is with.

I have a friend in a similar situation; the mother visits this country once a year, and the father visits her country once a year, and in between, there are lots of photographs, lots of phone calls and letters, so the little girl is growing up in constant contact with her dad, even though they only meet twice a year.

Answer 2

this is a very difficult answer to give being a mum of course I would say the mother Usually a child of this age has more contact with the mother than the father. ,about to start school or already in a nursery, could the father cope with the needs of one so young? Courts decide custody taking into account the best interest of the child. I dont think it is a case of where the child wants to be. As you say both parents want and love the child and unfortunatley there are no winners in these situations only sadness for somebody.

Answer 3

Both with Joint physical and legal custody.

Neither has a superior right to parentage under law. That's why the rule of law considers only the best interest of the child.

AND BY THE WAY:
Just so we don't start down this path, if this is in the U.S. The ONLY state which gives a child of any age the legal right to choose is Georgia and the minimum age to make that decision is 14.

Answer 4

the child is 4 yrs old and therefore cannot make decisions for himself. In all cases the mother has custody of the child unless the father can prove she is unfit. Since you have stated that both parents love the child then a mutual contact arrangement should be implemented for the sake of the child.

Answer 5

The age of the child would suggest Mother but if the mother is not the mother type and Dad would be available then he should be with Dad. Once the child starts school then it gets really difficult the one who has him in school keeps him except vacations from school and the holidays would have to be negotiated. The child should not have to go to 2 different schools to please the parents they should do whats easiest for the child.

Answer 6

I think a child should in the main be with the mother, with regular access to the father, unless one or the other is not fit, the quality of the parent is not something the other parent should comment on in front of the child.

Answer 7

I believe the person best able to take care of the child should get him, not just financially but emotionally, but no matter who gets the child they need to remember that the child is Innocent in this matter and not use him as a weapon to hurt the other one.

Answer 8

Bushnana is correct.
But really they should each be given a good slap, then get back together and get on with it - that is the best for the child.
Cheers, Steve.
PS and before the flak starts, each of them will say "I would do ANYTHING for my child", right? So, here is their chance to prove it.

Answer 9

I would have to say i wouldnt beable to choose,Seen as i know nothing of the parents BUT the child should beable to be with both on a regular basis till school starts for him/her.Maybe going to court with a gaurdiam is the best choice cuz they know best.

Answer 10

This is sad.... a 4 year old isn't capable of deciding which parent to live with...makes me sick when parents fight over the custody of their children and put them in the middle of everything. The courts don't like seeing families break up...but are reluctant to separate the children from their mothers unless she is proven to be unfit. I would suggest joint custody of your son.