WHY, are some MARRIAGES successful and some that are NOT so successful??

Question

Thanks guys for your honest answers. Anyone can be my friend here. I also have extreme marriage problems. Been married for 15 yrs. I don't know how to get out and find a better wife and just be plain more a happier person.

Answer 1

A lot of people marry the wrong people for the wrong reasons. They are desperate, lonely, marrying for lust or jumping into it too quickly. You need to marry a friend you have been dating for a long time, be willing to compromise and make a commitment that divorce is not an option.

Answer 2

Because of remarks like that you made about getting out and finding a better wife.....I have been married 18 years and we have the view that divorce is not an option-that forces us to work through any difficulties. (only thing not tolerable and grounds for divorce is abuse) anyway-all marraiges have ups and downs and go through bad times. If anyone tells you different they are not telling the whole truth. Communication is the other main way-If you cannot talk about anything then there is a real problem as well. I suggest counseling

Answer 3

Marriages are only successful if both parties genuinely like each other and both want the marriage to work. I left a very unhappy marriage with $10 in my pocket and no job. I made it!!!! I am living the life of my dreams now. I am very happy. I was so afraid when I left but with the faith in a higher power and help of friends I was able to do it. Just put one foot in front of the other every day and do the next right thing. Everything you dream of having can be yours, only if you have the courage to persue it. Good luck, I wish you happiness and love.

Answer 4

I think several reasons:

1) Sex vs. Love or confusing horniness for being "in love" with someone. Our socioreligious society teaches many that sex is a sin until married, therefore some confuse being horny for someone as being in love with them. Somewhere after five years or so the lust wears off and they're left with someone that if they hadn't been sexually attracted to they wouldn't have been attracted to in any other way. Horniness for someone can cover-up allot of other things you'd never put-up with from someone you're not sexually attracted to.

The fact is that as life goes on, kids come into the picture, careers, etc., sex takes a back seat to real life for awhile. If your spouse is also not your best friend then once the sex slows down you'll have no reason to like them.

2) Communication. It never ceases to amaze me that people will be more open and honest with strangers about their deepest desires (both for life in general and sexually) than they will be with their own spouse - the one person in the world they should be able to be the most open and honest about themselves with.

Why is this? Insecurity. Their spouse isn't secure enough in themselves to hear that their partner may want something more or different than what they have. The get defensive with the attitude of "What?! Aren't I enough for you?" Nobody wants to a) hurt their spouse's feelings and b) create strife in their relationship, so they don't say anything and eventually end-up resenting their spouse for not allowing them to express themselves.

Impatience: Some people bail-out of a relationship at the first sign of trouble rather than realizing that this trouble might just be temporary. Now I'm not talking about cases of abuse, but cases of financial stress (like loss of jobs and a certain way of life), extended illness, sexual dysfunction, etc. It's easier to move-on than to work on it and fix what is the problem within the relationship.

There are probably many more that I haven't said here, but these are the first ones that come to mind that I've seen over the years.

Answer 5

1. The people involved: Many are not mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place. Some are self absorbed or even sociopaths. Some never learned how to take care of themselves or handle money. Some enjoying being controlling and abusive.

2. Mismatches: Some people match up with people with whom they're incompatible. E.g. one wants children while the other doesn't, one wants to live in one place while the other wants to live elsewhere, etc.

3. Lack of marriage/people skills. Some people would be compatible, but they miscommunicate and don't know how to compromise and handle conflict.

Answer 6

It all comes down to love and the couple's determination to make it work. If you truly love someone, you love them through the good times and the bad. You love them through their mistakes and their successes. You love them without condition. This doesn't mean you stay with someone who abuses you mentally (degrades you), physically (hits you), or emotionally (is unfaithful to you) no matter what. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is entitled to forgiveness, but there is always a time to draw the line in a situation that shows no sign of improvement.
Love, forgiveness, compromise, and determination......those are the key factors in a successful marriage. Love your partner as yourself, forgive their short comings and know that everyone makes mistakes, compromise and know that everything can't always be your way, and determination to stay together through thick and thin.
A successful marriage is a state of mind for both people. If they want it to be a success and work hard to keep love alive, how could it not be successful? Good luck!!!!

Answer 7

1. Communication
2. Trust
3. Financial stability
4. Friendship/companionship
5. Intimacy/sex

I believe when any of these are "broken" the relationship hurts because of it until they are fixed. If one partner isn't interested in addressing the problem than #1 becomes an issue and communication is key to a healthy marriage.

Answer 8

I think that it's the people that are involved in the marriages. If you really want your marriage to work, it will. But it means staying true to those wedding vows. And in today's society it is hard. So many couples break the trust in relationships, or loose respect for their spouse. Society makes it so easy to get a divorce. And if that is what is needed than okay. I just think that people give up too easy

Answer 9

Marriages are A LOT of work. Besides trust, honesty, and the rest that goes with it good communication is needed. Two people can get along and make a good marriage if they work at it.

Answer 10

Successful marriages are successful because both partners commit to making it a success by communication, respect for one another, and a lot of love and compassion for one another. Those marriages that are not successful lack all of these.