How to get my husband to stop smoking?

Question

He has had heart surgery and has the beginning stages of emphzemya. Doctors tell him to stop smoking, he says he wants to but doesn't. I told him I would not buy him any more cigerrettes & he got so hateful with me that when he finally had me in tears I got them. He gets mad at me for buying a book or a brand name shampoo I like (less than $10) but he spends more than this a day on his bad habit. I asked to go to a family outing that is a couple of hours away and he complained about the cost of driving up there and the expense of eating out, etc. The entire cost of one day of family fun is less than what he spends all week on cigerettes. He smokes between 2 & 3 packs a day. He will yell & cuss if he doesn't have his cigerettes & gets mad at anyone who tells him he needs to stop (unless you are a doctor or nurse). I asked him if he cared enough about our family to try to improve his health to live longer. He didn't answer. I know it is a habit but he won't try to stop. Help!

Answer 1

I am a husband that smoked for 30 years.I had heart surgery and a heart attack etc also. There are some things you need to do and understand.
The yelling etc if he is out of cigarettes is early nicotine withdrawal and it only takes a few hours for it to happen. Cigarettes are a nicotine delivery system. If he needs nicotine, fine, but he should find another delivery system. I use nicotine gum, 4 mg. Tell him, its not about quitting getting nicotine, it's about changing the way he gets it into his system. It works! If you can get him to switch for 4 days and believe me, they will be 4 long days, he will begin to see himself the truth of smoking. The smell, the taste, etc. You will need plenty of patience for sure. The gum will be cheaper than cigarettes. Use the strong mint nicorette or the new cinnamon. If he throws fits, leave till he calms down. Some "rewards" on your part may help him too. It would relieve some of his stress and give him something to look forward to.

Answer 2

2 to 3 packs a day? Oh my Damn. How old is he? It may be to late to kick the habit. People that are this much into smoking don't know anything else. Like you say & it's true, it's a habit. You need to revert his attention elsewhere. It is hard because I'm a smoking also, but smoke a pack maybe in a course of 3-4 days. Before it was pack over a week. I'm making this pack my last pack because my gf has also voiced her concern with me. I'm 23 and it's not too late to stop.

Have a heart to heart talk with him. This is what my gf did & it really has changed my view point on things. Because I was so stuck on smoking & not thinking about her feelings.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I am a smoker also so I kind of no where your husband is comming from it is a habit a stupid one at that but a habit none the less... treat it like an addiction. No matter what stick to your words and don't buy him anymore if he starts yelling ans screamming at you leave the house and don't come back for a while some doctors I have talked too about smoking say that it is a harder habit to break than some drugs b/c it is legal to buy them and easier sorry you have to go through this does he also work? If not stop supporting him if he is going to continue smoking tell him that you are trying to look out for his best intrest and buy him the nicotine gum /patches what ever you have to buy him to help the urges that he might get I found that simple pepermints help

Answer 4

I can tell you love him, but you are going to have to let him go. He is on a self destructive course and will fight tooth and nail to keep on it; family and friends be damned!

For your own sanity, you need to switch to a different tactic. Try to establish a smoke free zone in your home; an area where your family can avoid the effects of smoking. Inform your husband that he can kill himself but he's not taking you with him. If he asks for cigarettes buy him extra.

Cut back on anything personal in a way he notices. When he asks why just say, "That's all right, there'll be plenty of money after you're gone . . . which won't be long. Do you have enough cigarettes, dear? I can go out for more."

This is hard but no harder than what you're going through now.

Answer 5

First you must remember this is not a Habit...the act is a habit but the Nicotine addiction is very powerful. I have been a smoker for 25yrs; I have quite smoking several times but so far have always gone back to it. They do have a new drug called Chantix which blocks the nicotine receptors and basically, the smoker does not get the powerful urge to smoke from the addiction. If this is an option (check with your Doc) I have several friends who are using it today & they do not get the violent reactions to smoke. (People who quit tend to get very irrtated when they are having the urge for the nicotine.) Once on the drug, they have been very pleasant and have simply stopped. No need to smoke anymore besides the habit. Stopping the habit takes a little effort but is much easier. I hope this helps....I will be visiting my Doc to see about doing the same.

Answer 6

Your husband clearly does not want to quit smoking and there is nothing that you can do to make him. His actions speak lourder than his words. However, you don't need to enable him either.

From your post it sounds as if there are deeper problems between the two of you than smoking - that is, control issues.

Your best strategy is to take good care of yourself. Stay calm. Don't allow him to belittle you or intimidate you. If he gives you a hard time about expenses, just tell him calmly that you will cut down on your "extravagances", when he cuts down on his cigarette purchasing.

It sounds like he is depressed and anxious, which I believe most smokers are. Nicotine calms the nerves, and is a harder habit to break psychologically (not physcially) than heroin addiction.

Giving him a sympathetic ear and not trying to force him to do anything will have better results in the long run.

Answer 7

He obviously smokes too much but you should try to address this issue not from the financial side, as he would probably get more stubborn on his habit and may cause making him feel never wanting to quit it.
Maybe it's tough for you but you should try to talk to him to reduce daily consuming amount. If he smokes 3 packs, then ask him to cut it down to 2.....at least. If he could do that, you should recognize it and appreciate it.....so that he may be more motivated to finally start thinking about quiting...

Answer 8

Simple... You can't get him to stop.

You don't have the power to change another person. Your husband doesn't quit smoking because his desire (and addiction) for cigarettes is greater than his desire to quit. If he's that much of a pain in the @ss, then everyone should just stop telling him to quit... leave that for his doctor to do.

Answer 9

Wow I am so sorry to hear that!
My husband has the bad habit to since he was like 13. He has cut down to 1 pack a day but used to do 2 to 3 packs. Its a **** load of money. I am sure that he will have cancer, his dad has emphzemya too. I could use some tips also. Good luck.

Answer 10

Ok from what your saying, he's depending on u to buy the cigarettes for him right now? if thats true.. then DONT!!!!!!!, plain and simple.. u check with his heart doc. and u ask them if you can buy the nicotine patches, and or now they have a pill to help u quit smoking that the doctor can perscribe for him.. so my suggestion is , after u check with the doctor, and see if either of those is ok for him to use.. then u go and get them.. put them where he can see or reach.. and u tell him "I love you and i want every second i can with u , so your quitting smoking and u can be as mean and hateful as u want but these are ur only vices from now on and if u dont like it, if u want to cuss and scream at me.. i dont care cause if u do, im going out and u can fend for yourself " and make him take it or leave it, but u will not enable his addiction anymore.. and everytime he gets rude with u, just leave go for a drive , go shopping, go for a walk, whatever, just get away from him, after a few times he'll realize he's getting absolutely no where by yelling at u and quit the " Im throwing a tantrum give me what i want " like a child..