relationship problems, any advice?

Question

i'm 23 weeks pregnant and having problems with mine and my partners relationship. A few days ago I found emails from his ex girlfriend when I was picking up an email to sort out his health insurance. They were on facebook and he didn't realise an email is sent to your hotmail aswell when you recieve a message. They weren't anything bad really just the usuall chit chat and he did mention when she asked that he was in a relationship, but the thing thats upset me is that he told her he was thinking about going travelling for a year.. I asked him about this and he said he didn't really mean it, but alot of things in the email were rubbish, he lied about where he worked, it seemed he was trying to make himself look better. he also changed his facebook password and deleted the thread so i wouldn't find out about the emails, but i saw them through hotmail and clicked on show deleted thread. nobodys known about this pregnancy til recently because we had twin girls die last december.

we'r meant to be looking at house today and getting a joint morgage, but now im not so sure. i just feel so betrayed and stressed after everything i'v been through with losing my two children and didn't think he would hurt me by doing someting like this. what am i meant to think about the travelling thing? i know he's not gonna go, but i can't understand y he said it.. what do you think, any advice? i just feel so low at the moment x

Answer 1

Why is he communicating with his ex-gfriend? You've to take care of yourself and your baby right now, and don't need the stress. It sounds like your bfriend is not committed to you. Even if he says what he said on the email is not true, why make things up? It doesn't make sense. You're having a baby and need someone to be fully focused on you and your baby, for now and for the future. Is he going to stick around and assume his responsibilities? Doesn't sound like a person you can trust if he goes around deleting emails, who know what he's saying about you...You should have a serious conversation with him about the future (a little too late that you're pregnant). I would not commit to the mortgage. Get married (in this case, that doesn't guarantee staying together), then buy a house together. Go with your instinct, as women we usually get it right.

Answer 2

If he's hiding messages from you(especially to another female-especially an ex), you might want to reconsider the relationship. Lies are the tool of a relationship downfall. Unless he has children with her, there should not be communication between them. He is disrespecting you and the relationship. If he had nothing to hide, he would not delete.
If you don't feel right about it, tell him how you feel. Tell him you found the messages and ask him why the secrecy. Secrets will only hurt you. Honesty is the foundation you build your relationship on.Without a strong foundation,it can all crumble down.Good luck with the baby:)

Answer 3

If you can go have a nice relaxing day. Then when he gets home you have to have a serious conversation. Make sure you stay calm cause you are after all pregnant and you need to take it easy especially with your history. Take the day to think of all the things that are on your mind... write them down if you have to and then be completely honest about your fears, all of them. Nothing is to stupid when it comes to your relationship becoming shaky and being pregnant at the same time. Good luck to you and your little one. Remember you have to take care of you first. Don't make big decisions till this is cleared up and he is willing to make a commitment.

Answer 4

I do not necessarily agree with the concept that your boyfriend is not allowed or supposed to communicate with his ex-girlfriend. My husband talks to an ex-girlfriend of his every now and then and we have even met her and her husband for coffee before. It depends on the type of relationship they have. My husband is completely up front with me about his communication with his ex and it does not bother me at all. I would just talk openly to him about it. I would definitely apologize about snooping around. I know I would feel mad and insulted if my husband went through my things and vice versa. If you become defensive so will he, and he will be less willing to talk about things with you if he feels attacked. It is most likely just harmless communication between two people who happened to be in a relationship in the past. I know you feel emotional right now, but you need to approach this with a level head. Good luck.

Answer 5

Maybe he told her he was traveling so she would stop contacting him. He did lie to her about where he worked, remember?

If you are committed to this relationship, you must show trust. It is a difficult leap to make sometimes, but when you get down to it, it's the most important thing. Examine your heart. Is he the "one" for you? If he is, then dive in and give it all you've got. After all, that's what your heart is for.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

I my self have been guilty of this, I have talked to my ex without my wife knowing. With the other lies he was telling his ex, he is probably telling you the truth. (ex would find out those lies very easily)

I'm pretty sure you don't have anything to worry about. But I also know how women are, and you will worry about it anyways.. So best of luck tho.

Answer 7

just ignore that ignorant jerk leadbelly. just try to talk to your boyfriend and find out why he is emailing an ex. and as far as him lying to her about where he works, my husbands best friend lied to his ex about where he works because he was afraid if she found out where he worked then she would be showing up there during breaks and before and after work. he didn't want her around so he lied to her about where he worked. i hope you guys can work through this. you are in my prayers.

Answer 8

if he can't get a healthy baby out of you he might leave you.
at the moment he's checking his options. the ex seems to have a chance.