I am sad, and not sure what to do....I met someone on the internet and by choice, we waited to have sex until our wedding nite which was very recent. I know this is going to sound weird, but we still havent done anything because on the day of the wedding I took 3 hours getting ready, and when I came out after getting ready, my husband to be looked at me and said, "we have to go", not that I look pretty or anything. I'm not "gorgeous" but yes, pretty, and no dog. Then after we got married ( I thought he was just nervous) I dressed very nice (short skirt, tight top, etc) I had a suprise romantic dinner ordered, bought an expensive gown to wear to bed, and we had a drink and when we came back up to the room, he was "tired". I am so hurt. I feel rejected and still not sure what to do. When a gal is rejected on her wedding nite, that hurts. Any advice? I don't understand this at all.......
2007-09-28 01:35:22 · 11 answers · asked by hi_there_again 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wedding are tough on both the man and the woman. They can actually drain you of energy. A couple of my older friends who have gotten married have told me about how they were tired and either didn't have sex, or if they did it wasn't as good as they had hoped. He may have done you a favor by waiting, so that he can put all of his energy into your first time, instead of just going through the motions.
2007-09-28 01:42:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women view marriage in terms of what it means and men view it in terms of what it DOES. Being rejected on your wedding night is BAD, no matter how you look at it. But try and think of it this way: He's not rejecting YOU, he's tired. And he told you so. Guys do not like weddings. I'd venture to say that they outright hate them. They're supposed to save the world, not look like a dork in a tux. Can you imagine Jack Bauer covered in flowers and tails? Nope. Don't worry about what he says, i.e., "We have to go." Look closely however at what he DOES: he married you. He just did something that is life changing. FOR YOU. And he did this because he loves you. This has to take alot out of someone, especially a man. Granted, sex is the deal sealer once you're married. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes. But he's probably mentally exhausted and rightfully so. Couple this with the fact that the two of you have never been intimate before. Talk about pressure! That said, let's see... He just did something life altering. He's mentally exhausted. He's trying to please you. He has never had sex with you before and on your wedding night (big night) he was under severe pressure to make you forget any other man in the world ever existed. I realize this is a horrible thing to happen, but it did and those factors explain why. The question is why isn't he throwing you down on the nearest horizontal surface, days after the wedding. This warrants some investigation. You are going to have to talk to him and find out what the deal is because only he can truly tell you. It may be that he's really, really scared.
2007-09-28 09:37:10 · answer #2 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how long ago you got married.... apparently very recently?
Weddings are very stressful. We build them up in our minds over years of thinking about them, and it becomes impossible for everything to live up to our expectations, so there is an inevitable letdown.
However, it also sounds like you don't know this man very well. There could be a million explanations - he could be gay, impotent, a nervous virgin, any number of things.
I agree with the poster who said to talk to him about your feelings. Don't be accusatory. Just let him know that you would really have appreciated a compliment on your appearance and you are looking forward to more romance from here on out.
If you aren't comfortable discussing these kinds of things, then you probably didn't get to know him well enough before the wedding to get married.
2007-09-28 08:54:52 · answer #3 · answered by Theresa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very sweet, (ordering a romantic dinner for your husband on your wedding!) and you sound like you you deserve the attention you are craving. I can't imagine why in the world he would have been "tired" on your wedding night, and I also can't imagine what it must have been like for you to lay there on your wedding night wondering, and wanting. If you really love this man, then be extremely open with him. Tell him what you've told us here. Be calm and cordial in your delivery of it, but he definitely needs to hear what an insensitive jerk he was. Tell him you're going to give him a chance to make it up to you. Honestly, he should have to recreate your wedding night for you. If how he behaved on your wedding night is an indication of how he will behave permenantly, then you may want to seek marraige counseling, and don't try to use it as a bandaid, try to go for awhile, and try to establish solid communication in your marraige, do it soon, and do it often. Good luck to you....
2007-09-28 09:01:41 · answer #4 · answered by blujello 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you were more keen on the idea of getting married rather than actually worrying about Who you would marry.
You are talking about your appearance a lot - there is a lot more to a good relationship than appearance, and you shouldn't have so little self esteem you are so dependant on him telling you that you look nice.
I believe you have made a mistake getting married this time, I am sorry.
2007-09-28 08:51:50 · answer #5 · answered by Paul M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry about that. Just try and relax; talk to him about your feelings. Maybe he was infact very tired or even overwhelmed by the whole marriage/wedding thing. Or perhaps the reason he agreed to wait is because he has some sexual dysfunction. Make him feel comfortable and safe to talk to you about it. Get some counselling.
2007-09-28 08:43:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're marriage being based on an electronic romance was rather foolish. Sounds pretty desperate too. Really now...you don't sound stupid and seem to be educated so whatever possessed you to do something as half baked as this?
Maybe you'd better divorce and try meeting someone the old fashion way. like dinner and date and movies.
2007-09-28 08:58:35 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand how you got married to someone without getting to know them for who they are, not for how you thought they were by building them in your head while "chatting" with them on the computer. I say do the annulment thing and start over again.
2007-09-28 08:41:07 · answer #8 · answered by 400lbtwins 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just give him another try... maybe he is just tired on the day of your wedding and chances are before the wedding date both of you are too busy for the preparation, just relax and sitback there's still lot of time to share a good memories, maybe you're just too excited to do it!!!!
2007-09-28 08:42:57 · answer #9 · answered by ocean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk this over with you husband. It could be just a simple misunderstanding and he really could have been tired. Talk to him.
2007-09-28 09:42:41 · answer #10 · answered by Trishalyn H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋