My husband and I are separated and he is not showing any intentions of getting a divorce. We already went through the processing once and even went to court. We didn't have the required paperwork and never went back. It ended up getting thrown out. My husband says that it's easier to not get divorced and he doesn't want to go through the process again.
He is living with his girlfriend/mistress again. He says that she's a great person but he also says he doesn't love her. How could he be with someone he doesn't love? I have met her and always wonder what they have in common. He doesn't seem emotionally attached to her, so I know it's just sexual with her. She even said that's all she thinks he wants from her. Why is he being so shallow and keeping her around if she's just sex to him and he doesn't love her?
I don't know if I want him back now, but I still love him. Sometimes I want him to come home to be a family with me and my daughter though.
2007-09-28 01:31:30 · 22 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is paying child support and the mortgage still, so it's not a finance problem.
2007-09-28 01:44:28 · update #1
Would you really forgive and forget if you did get him back? Could you live your life with him without wondering if he'll do it again? I'm truly sorry for your situation, and your daughter, but cheating yourself out of having a healthy, honest, loving relationship isn't good for anybody.
Perhaps he doesn't want to go through with the hassle of divorce because he wants to keep his "options" open in case he gets bored with his mistress and decides to come home to your open arms. He can easily be with someone he doesn't love - alot of people do that and don't think twice about it. If it's about the sex, then that's enough for him to keep her on board - the excitement of it. He's being shallow because unfortunately he's just one of those types to think that he can get away with it. My advice to you? Don't be a doormat. Let him have his mistress and eventually find out what he lost. Heal yourself and move on - you should not have to fight with anyone over your husband, and it's quite obvious you're too forgiving, and too good for him. I wish you the very best of luck.
2007-09-28 01:39:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband won't get a divorce or get rid of his girlfriend because he has no motivation to do that. He can have his cake and eat it too. You quoted as saying "it's easier to not get divorced".
How could he be with someone he doesn't love? Beats me.
Why is he being so shallow and keeping her around if she's just sex to him and he doesn't love her? Because she allows it.
From the little information that you have provided, it sounds as though he is lacking in character.
Give him an ultimatum - kick the girlfriend out and attend marriage counseling with you for the sake of his daughter or divorce his butt.
You are allowing him to take advantage and treat you disrespectfully, and are not being a good role model for your daughter.
2007-09-28 08:38:28 · answer #2 · answered by Theresa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that your husband is not willing to file for a divorce only means he does not want the hassel and expense it takes to do it. Also, he might be avoiding paying alimony to you and a divorce would most likely make him sell the home and divide the monies between the both of you. Or, he is out playing wth his girlfriend and wants every thing "back home" with you intact just incase he feels like coming home. Trust me, he is only thinking of himself. My question is, what is the matter with you? Your husband is living with another woman and who cares if he loves her or not, he obviously enjoys what he is getting from her for him to stay with her. He is committing adultry and you wonder if he is just with her for sex and if he loves her? He so does not have respect for you nor his children nor his marriage and you have allowed it. If I were in your shoes I would have gotten a divorce a long time ago. You sound pathetic, waiting around for him to change his mind. By doing this you are showing your children a poor example on how a woman should allow herself to be treated. Instead of you being angry and standing up for yourself I am angry for you. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. File for the divorce and get rid of the jerk.
2007-09-28 10:30:19 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"We" didn't have the required paperwork and never went back. So....its apparent you don't want to do anything about getting divorced either.
He is not coming home. That is until he tired of her just like he tired of you. So it boils down to this. You apparently like being made a fool of. You seem to thrive in an environment where you're fixed on him because you relish this type of mental abuse. You keep reaching for that little ray of hope that won't come and when and if he does return you'll still be in the same boat as before.
You both enable one another. You feed off of one another and nourish yourselves on one another's misery as well as your own. Its a toss up who needs psychiatric counseling, you or him. I think both. Plus maybe an added ingredient of maturity would help as that seems to be lacking as well.
The only one that really suffers here is the daughter but both of you are so wrapped up in your own selfish and self serving ways that you're too blind to see it. However you'll also both use her as a tool or a bargining chip in the long run because you haven't the nerve or the fortitude to strike out on your own and think of the welfare of the kid instead of him thinking of his own self pleasue of having his cake and eating it to and you allowing it to continue while wallowing in your own self pity.
2007-09-28 08:45:53 · answer #4 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone knows that if you get a divorce he'll have to get off the fence and either commit to his mistress or leave. Right now he's able to get his jollies with her and still be married to you, look at all the options he has open right now to him?
It's time to tip him off the fence, get a divorce and let him deal with the mistress who's going to be looking to him for some answers.
2007-09-28 10:57:18 · answer #5 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is he going through a mid life crisis? sometimes men will look for something that they are not getting at home or want to be with someone "new" but I wouldn't let him keep playing you like this I would take him to court and get it over with if that is what you want but if he is helping out financially and you have no problwms with him then get a boy frined ( boy toy ect.) and that might make him change his mind about a divorce
2007-09-28 08:52:36 · answer #6 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u know what-Divorce him anyway, cant you do it yourself without him having a choice? Yeah-i am sure u can if he is cheating. He is a JERK! How selfish of him. If he abonded you and your little girl like that and is STILL there with that other women-he is NOT worth being with. And for this women-she is a whore and a homewrecker! she deserves to be used for S.E.X. You cant turn a ho into a housewife and a ho is what she is. You deserve so much better.
2007-09-28 08:46:25 · answer #7 · answered by Yellowtulips 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happens between him and his girlfriend is nobody else's business but theirs - so don't worry yourself about what he wants from her. You say you may want him back. Thats up to you but I don't think you should tell him so until he finishes with his current girlfriend. Try and keep your own council and if he finishes with her, make your move (if you still want to), but don't be too disappointed if things don't work out. Afterall, I assume you separated for a good reason.
2007-09-28 08:38:27 · answer #8 · answered by Bonnie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not want to pay child support. Period.
File for divorce, get an attorney, and request that he pay for it.
It is men like this that made my divorce from a manipulative, satanic demon so very bad. You sound like a nice person, but he is using you as much as he is using his girlfriend.
2007-09-28 08:36:49 · answer #9 · answered by wizard8100@sbcglobal.net 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He does this because you allow it to continue to happen. You don't need him to start the divorce, you can do on your own. What are you telling your children by allowing them to witness this, that it will be OK for your daughters husband to live with his girlfriend. Quit being selfish and protect your kid from this.
2007-09-28 08:37:25 · answer #10 · answered by 400lbtwins 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋