feeling hurt and scared?

Question

i'v been with this guy since i was 18 ,i married him when i was 27.he have always treated me bad ,when we got engaged he didnt propose to me he just said here's the ring put it on.he is always putting me down calling me lazy and other name plus calling me a s**t and a biT*h. he said i was before he met me so i am now. we have 2 kids together 10 and 4 ,one is like his dad now no respect.last night he told me dont ask for any of his money when he gets his cheque he'l pay few bills and thats it.i'm not working right now but i am looking and done a few interviews this week.and regards to lazy everything is tended to him even his meals .i never say no to him .we have seperate bedrooms says i snore and keeps him awake ,we only have sex when he wants it.i cry to myself alot.i want to leave but scared....

i offered him marriage councelling he said we dont need it.my mom and friends tell me to leave but i'm afriad of hurting him ...

everyone who knows me says i'm way to friendly and they say it can be bad.

Answer 1

I really think you need to re-read what you wrote. You are "afraid to hurt him". Now read all of the things he has done and said that you mention here. It sounds like hurting you is an every day way of life for this butthead.

He is obviously an immature and abusive loser who needs to be alone for a while and consider how to treat someone with respect. I don't mean to sound critical here but you have allowed (yes, and I mean allowed) this man to treat you like garbage all of these years. I am not putting you down because I realize relationships where feelings are involved do not always allow a person to see a situation for what it is.

The truth is that he loves himself, not you. He cares about himself, not you.

Bottom line - if you are EVER to be happy, you need to leave. He will not change because why would he? He essentially has a slave who will do what he wants and does not have to give anything in return.

I would go get some personal counselling, as you need to feel strong enough in yourself to be able to walk out the door and realize what he does and not let him manipulate you into staying. I guarantee if you say you are leaving now, and mean it, he will become all sweet and caring to convince you to stay. Once you are back into a routine the same old abusive pattern will start and you will be back to crying yourself to sleep. He will never change for real and for good unless he comes to it on his own, and it sounds like the possibility of this happening is not very likely.

It is all about choice. Choose to be happy, and do what you need to do to get your life on track. We only have so much time on earth, so why waste one more second of your precious life dealing with an idiot. Go get your life back!!

Answer 2

Don't be afraid of hurting him. In your case, you may want want to shift your focus to your children instead. Protect them from the bad example of their father, or else their lives will come to reflect the abusive life they are witnessing now. They will either grow to allow people to abuse them, or they will become abusers themselves. Whatever you do, do not allow yourself to worry about hurting him. That should not be your concern. I am sure that is easier said than done. So start by going to the counseling yourself. It would be a great first step for you to begin talking to someone about your relationship. There is no excuse for the way your husband is treating you. You deserve much better. ...and at this point you must begin by treating yourself right. Don't wait, make a phone call today to find someone to talk to. That will be an excellent first step... and it will help you determine what your next step should be. I wish you all the best...

Answer 3

You are called a person that cares about others before yourself and that could be good or bad in many situations. We go through things for a reason life is a path we must learn how to be lead we make a lot of decisions without consulting the Lord and when we do that we suffer because of disobedience to what God is saying.God Loves you and want you and your family to be happy. When you are unequally yoked together you will suffer and sometimes you will have to reconsider was this the best decision for me to make. You are fearful and that will cause you to stay in a terrible situation sometimes even violent ones God keep telling us fear not he will be with you if you just have a little faith in God and hope in yourself you can make it through this. I never advise a women to stay in an abusive situation it is to dangerous for you and the kids but start to look only and you and tell me what you see. If you don't like what you see and you have to be very honest with yourself noone else will see anything different. Do you laugh, do you love with all the flaw you have do you still love being around you. Clear your mind you are so focused on all the problem you probably don't even think on all the things God have blessed you with life is never that bad as we and the enemy makes it out to be. Change you love you stay positive no matter what your children are the copy cats of their mother and father we are all they have until that grow up more. They see you as being weak, sorry to tell you this and have no power whatso ever you have to change what they see about you because God gave to charge over your little ones so you are suppose to train them up as unto the Lord its never to late. Keep trying to get that job it will help your confidence and if your over weigh start eating lighter and heathier for you and the kid sake. Don't judge people are people will judge you treat people how you want to be treated its two sides to every story.Are you a very nice person to the point of door mat. Stand up and believe in yourself that all you got. Be blessed and do things to change don't sit a wish on a star make it happen

Answer 4

Let's put it this way. If you leave him, it won't hurt his heart because it's unlikely he has one.
His ego most probably, because, right now, you're his rug!
So, HE may hurt you PHYSICALLY if you try to leave him. All the more reasons to do so and stay awya from him for good.
I read not long ago, about a girl who left her family to move in with her young boy friend that everybody was warning her of.
She wouldn't listen, had two children with him, and ended up confiding ther fears of him to her sister.
And guess what, the sister ended up killing the guy in self defense.
I'm telling you, he's putting you down because, he thinks that that's were you belong. He has no respect for you as he doesn't think you deserve any and by standing by him, you are telling him that he's right.
So, do yourself and your children a favour and get out.
Surely, you wouldn't want your children to be using the same type of behaviour towards you later on? then, you'd better start showing them that it's not right!

Answer 5

You need to get out now. I was with the same man for 16 years. Even though we had 4 children together, I decided that my well-being and my children's well-being were more important than hurting him. Right now he is in control, so break the control and be your own person. You can do it. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. It also sounds like you have your family and friend's support. Ask for help. Seek counseling for yourself and your children. It will get better, but you have to take the first step to making a better life for you and your children. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 6

This is a very unhealthy relationship. He is abusing you and using you. It is horrible. You dont deserve to be treated this way at all, especially since you seem very very good to him. Why worry about hurting someone that doesn't care about hurting you? Do yourself and your children a favor for once in your life and leave him. He is a loser and it doesn't seem he is going to change anytime soon. Don't be afraid, there are people out there who will support you. Especially your family and friends since they are encouraging you to get away from him. I know you will be okay! Good luck!

Answer 7

Well this goes back to a question i answered a few minutes ago. What would you sacrifice for your children. Does he treat his children good now or is it just you he treats like sh*t? If your son is already picking up his attitude thats scarey. Sounds like for you and your children you need to find a different way of life. Leaving is hard but that doesnt mean you have to do it tommorrow. But if you did there are so many programs for single moms..research them thats what their there for ..people in need. Looking into the future i wouldnt want my child to treat his wife like that or i wouldnt want my daughter to think being treated like that was normal. Good Luck to you. Making the first step is the hardest but the 2nd and 3rd get easier.

Answer 8

And, what kind of life is that? And, apparently your son is already picking up on his Dad's example. You need to break the cycle. Do you have any friends or family that would help you get on your feet? Look in the phone book for a womens' shelter. Actively pursue getting a job, so you have some independence, but do something!!

Answer 9

you recognize the end results of being in touch with a married guy and additionally the form of guy (a liar, a cheater and someone) he's, yet you prefer to maintain putting directly to him - so who's in charge? Why do you preserve permitting your self to be pounished!!!! you may desire to acquire your self and admit to the shown fact that the form of dating which you're in with him is on no account going to get you everywhere different than to greater hurtings, sufferings and discomfort. The lies, the deceits and the cheatings will bypass on and on..... do no longer stay a sucker and permit him to hire you lower back and lower back lower back to fulfill his very own "lust" and egocentric desires- sufficient is sufficient! minimize him out of your existence and minimize off all contacts and links with him. it is going to likely be confusing for the preliminary era yet after some time, issues will start to get greater useful and you will discover which you may stay (a lot happier too!) without him. discover somebody new, somebody who will handle you with the honour it is proper and supply you the affection it is real. you will by no skill have the skill to start finding somebody new until you first enable bypass of this skunk which you're clinging to. continuously your determination - make a sensible selection at present and you may give up the hurting, the sensation of being scared and you may regain a level of self-admire for your self. Regain your man or woman existence, your self-admire and dignity by skill of refusing to be taken care of like door-mat, used and trampled on and then discarded.

Answer 10

Please people, don't play around with this question.

You are in an abusive situation. And you need help. NOW. Not later. While you didn't indicate your location, almost all areas have women's centers or city/county services dedicated to helping women like you. They are confidential, they are experienced and they truely care.

You must contact one of these organizations. If you don't know of one and are having any difficulty finding one, please call the police non-emergency line. You will not have to give your name and they will either help you find the right place or put you in touch with someone who can.

You can also go to ANY religious official, a Priest, Minister, Rabbi, it doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be from your church or even from your faith. They will help you find what you need.

You cannot wait. Please do not wait. I know you feel that you are but you are truly not alone.