Is getting back with EX-Wife a good thing.?

Question

Let's get to the point, My ex-wife and I started dating when I was 15 and she was 14. We managed to survive together all of high school and college!. We dated for 6yrs. Last yr. of college we engaged and married right out of college. we were married for 1 and half years and one day she came home and said she loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore. so we seperated then divorced. 5 months later she married and had a kid by this man she was seeing during our seperation. now 6yrs. has passed and out of the clear blue sky she is starting to call and say that she knows she messed up and that she didn't really love this man, they are getting divorced now. She says to me that she would like for us to get back together. during this time I haven't married. However, I am engaged to do so now. It took me 3 yrs. after our marrage for me to let go but now since her calling. my feelings are comming out. I don't know what to do. She has a kid by him when we should of had ours.should i not look bk

Answer 1

I think you probably have it right by not looking back. Don't get me wrong, it's very easy for old emotions to creep back up on you, especially when you really loved someone, especially if that person was your first love. It took you three years to let go, and I think anyone who's ever been there knows exactly what that's like. But you did it, and you moved on. That is awesome, and now you're engaged. I'm sure you didn't get engaged for nothing. I'm sure she's an excellent woman, and you have probably fallen in love with her for very good reasons. Don't forget about her, don't forget about the reasons you fell in love her, and why the two of you are engaged. That has all got to mean something.

In regards to your ex. She does not sound very stable, at least in regards to her relationships. I don't know all the ins and outs, enough to judge her, so I won't, but the few facts I do know makes me at least come to that conclusion. She fell in love with another man, had a baby with him, and now they're getting a divorce. That situation would make anyone vulnerable, and in need of some form of companionship. This might be contributing to her decision to call you. So be careful.

Obviously the decision is yours, but I would be weary of moving backwards, versus looking and moving forward.

Be careful with your communications with her, because you don't want to lose what you have now, and you don't want to find yourself facing another long battle of moving past her again. You might even want to go as far as to cut off all communications with her.

-and you're right, you guys could have had a baby together, but you guys didn't. Don't get caught up in the "what could have been's"... and definitely don't let what could've been mess up "what is ". It sounds like you've worked hard to get over her, it sounds like you have some good stuff going on, don't let her step in and mess that up for you. This is one of those situations where you could say to her, "you made your bed, now sleep in it"...

Good luck with everything....

Answer 2

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Answer 3

In honesty, you should probably get on with your own life and leave your ex alone. You were both way too young to be so serious in the first place, however what is done is done.

You are engaged to someone who you obviously have felt enough for to make a lifelong commitment to. What you are feeling now is just thoughts of the past. You have likely grown in the last six years and you may find that your compatibility with your ex may not be as it once was.

The bottom line is that she dropped you like a hot potato because she thought she was out of love with you, without counselling and without even saying that she is willing to work at rekindling the feelings. Now she is back and you are willing to consider pitching away something that seems good for a "maybe" based on past feelings. I have a feeling that if you go back with your ex, sooner or later you will be alone again.

Answer 4

Wow, that's a shame. She really knows when to pick her time!
Well, the thing not to do, is to marry someone if you are still in love with someone else. It just isn't fair on that person.
Whenever a commitment is made, it has to be made 100% on both sides.
So, it's up to you if you think that she is worth breaking that commitment to your partner.
Personally, I doubt it.
Obviously, it's true, you got together when you were so young and it was bound to break at some point.
But, the fact that she got her life, moved on and now comes back to you, shows that well, she may truly love you, but will you ever manage to get over that moment when she broke up with you and as you said, offered the gift of a child to another man?
You can't resent a child; They are NEVER guilty. Adults are.
So, the best for YOU might just be to move on with your life and take that fresh start you have waiting for you.
Good luck.
xx

Answer 5

The things she says will only effect you if you allow them to. Be strong, keep the conversations short - ask her to not call your family and to move on, tell her that your family would rather her not call them -warn them that you will be saying this so that they can back up this story b/c she'll be asking them you maty aslo have to tell her to stop dragging your family int he middle of the situation. Do not let anything she says trigger you to saying something back! React with no reaction! Tell her "I'm not arguing with you today - good-bye" and hang up! and it eveytime the conversation started heading that way. Do not let her know that anything that she does or says bothers you b/c she'll do it more, she will eventually quit. Never let her in your house ever - met her at the door! Realize that she is ignorant and feels she has to play on your emotions b/c that is her only way to get your attention b/c she really does want it but she knows no other way of getting it. When this all finally sets in and when she asks what is wrong simple tell her you're moving on without the games and it's time for her to grow up for the children sake and that you've had enough. If you don't give into it she'll have no other choice but to quit. Be angry no more, you are giving her that energy she does not deserve. The essnece is at ease always will be, always can be, as long as you are in control and don't give in to to her stupidity and games! Best wishes to ya'

Answer 6

She may have grown up since then, but it sounds like she in a little insecure a codependent type that needs to be in a relationship to be whole. I wouldn't make any major changes right now because you don't even really know each other anymore and she may just be panicking. She's probably a bundle of emotions right now and is thinking back to a warmer fuzzier time in her life. But sometimes you just can't recreate the past. If you are engaged, then you must love this woman, right? I wouldn't break her heart over someone who is having personal problems right now. You could end up back together only to realize that you just really don't even like who she's become or she you. Good luck with your decision.

Answer 7

u defenitly don't want her back now, since u have someone ur interested in getting married with. if she comes back into ur life she is going to bring u a lot of problems. sure u may have felt u loved her back then and she did u wrong by leaving, now she has a child with that man and well everytime u look at him he will remind u of that and he won't get a fair shake in life. if u have problems with it just imagine her with his member deep in her mouth and a glob of choad hanging on her chin, if u still want her after that then admit urself into an institution for help.

Answer 8

I think its best that you move on... you dont want to be the rebound guy... PLUS you're engaged.... Its up to you though if you think you can make it work then go ahead just how can a person fall out of love with you and then all of a sudden back in love with you. Sounds like she doesnt know what she wants.

Answer 9

Definitely do not get married to whoever you are engaged to now if you think you might still have feeling for your ex. I think your ex and you started out so young that when she was finally on her own, she wanted to spread her wings..if you understand.Sometimes that is what it takes to know the grass isn't greener.But, I would be wondering if she would do it again.And, can you forgive and forget? Meet her for coffee somewhere public and listen to what she has to say. I,personally, do not think she is sincere.

Answer 10

Always chasing what could have been doesnt give you anything good to work with. You finally get your life straightened out and you are ready to get on this carnival ride which hurt you so much before. I think it is time to give some chance to something different which won't hurt you so much. What happens when she changes her mind again "sees greener pastures elsewhere". Change your life by not falling for the same old traps.