Women cry; men don't cry. Do we treat men and women differently because of this?

Question

Is it sexist that men don't cry?
Is it difficult to treat people as equal but different because of this?

[garwy] Sorry 'we' means men and women, but you may be right men and women might view this question differently.

Your cheap attempt to make me cry failed.[kiddin]

Answer 1

Yes, no offence, but why do many men not cry? I just don't understand. Men have feelings as well, what do they do about their sadness?
Have never ever seen my other half cry, if he did, it'd be a shock, but I'd still hug him.
Have seen a few men silently cry at funerals, and I start to cry too when I see that.
Just being honest.
Edit: Gnu, can see what you mean, men feel as though they can never win. Women need to be more-open minded and not see men as wimps because they cry or be so judgemental. Is this why so many men are angry at women?

Answer 2

As a guy, I can only describe my own experiences. I anticipate some ladies objecting to what I am about to say as "sexist", but I recognize that I am not describing all women, only my own relationships with women.

In my experience, in a disagreement between men and women, once the waterworks start, it's over: it doesn't matter who started it or who was right, the guy is now the "jerk".

If a man cries, he's a wimp, and if he does it too often, she'll lose all respect for him. Again: this has just been my experience.

But it gets worse: now, if a man raises his voice, he may be accused of being abusive. Though women are entitled to their anger.

If he tries to lighten the tension with a joke, that may work for awhile, but soon he'll be called "childish" and accused of not taking her seriously.

If he goes silent, he'll be called 'emotionally cold" and "withholding".

And if he learns, as I did for a time, to just agree no matter what, she'll complain that he's too passive.

Again, this is just my experience. I imagine I'll be told, "You've been with the wrong women". Probably so.

I don't know of any appropriate, acceptable way to disagree with a woman.

One of the reasons I've been celibate for the past 5 years.

And no: I am not saying "men have it so hard" or suggesting women "have it easy". I am just remarking on how it has been for me.

EDIT Shiver, that may be part of it, though I think (even though I have had my share of misogynistic thoughts) that men need to be very careful directing their anger at women over what are really complex social and cultural issues of dealing with transitions in roles.

EDIT doc, I tend to agree. I suspect it is far better than men "suck it up" and not allow themselves to indulge in emotionalism, because I do think men's feelings are a dangerous genie we'd better not let out of the bottle.

Answer 3

I think the difference is in WHY a man or woman would cry. Take my girlfriend, for instance. Well-adjusted, mentally stable, all around good person. She'll STILL cry over stuff that, while obviously emotionally-heavy for her, just doesn't have the same effect on me. I don't cry if I get in a car accident, if I don't get published, or if I'm just having an overall crappy day. She might.

I have cried, but it's when I was absolutely devastated by something. At that time, I didn't want any sympathy - I had to deal with it myself.

This is why people tend to avoid men who cry. Most times it's something deadly serious. Would you really want to attempt to comfort a stranger who was having such a personal problem? Even as a casual friend you'd be a bit hesitant to offer support. But a woman crying? It's likely over something much less life-shattering, and she'll likely appreciate the attention anyway. Not so much for men.

Answer 4

Contrary to what Doc just said, I care when a man cries. I know that men try to suppress tears if they can, so if they do shed them I know that something very deep and very distressing is going on. I'm a very empathic person and I feel others' pain as if it were my own.

And I think that society's pressure on men to suppress their tears does men personal harm, and in the long run, does society harm. People who repress their emotions (especially the stressful ones) end up harming themselves or others, eventually. What's "stuffed down" eventually will find a way to come "back up" again- somewhere, sometime, somehow. And when a lot of stressful emotions are suppressed over long periods of time, the worse the eventual outcome will be. No one can "hold it all in" forever and be perfectly psychologically or emotionally healthy. Anger, fear, stress, grief, are all things that must have an outlet. If we don't allow men to vent these feelings when they feel them, it will backfire, and the outcome adversely affects not only the man, but whomever happens to be around to set off the trigger that "breaks the camel's back", so to speak.

EDIT: Personally, I think "Happy" needs a good cry. He'd probably feel better.

Answer 5

Men cry pretty regularly. They just don't want anyone to know it. I have 3 brothers, a father, father in law, a husband and 2 sons and they cry often. They try to hide it - that's the only difference between men and women. It's more acceptable for women to cry just like it's more acceptable for men to sleep around. Doesn't change the fact that women sleep around just as much as men do.....

Answer 6

Crying is something that human beings do. Male babies do it every bit as much as female babies, but sometime when they are young children, someone has told them that boys don't cry. Hence, you won't see men crying as much as women, because somehow, our society has deemed it inappropriate.

As for me, I hate crying. Contrary to popular belief, I don't feel better afterwards, and I have never experienced a 'good cry'. We all have different ways of dealing with our emotions...and its nobody's business how we do it....

Answer 7

You bet! It is extremely sexist that men in our society are not given permission to cry and yes we do treat men and women differently because of it. Mostly, we tend to assume that men are cold emotionless beings because they don't (are not allowed to) show any emotion.

Answer 8

men DO cry, it's because men's and women's tear ducts are shaped differently. Women's tear ducts are shaped so they can cry more easily than me do.

Answer 9

Men DO cry. They cry in the form of anger, depression and being upset. They do not get them in the form of tears but they do CRY

Answer 10

It's not sexist if a man cries. Nobody cares if a man cries anyway. He just loses man points.

It is difficult to treat people as equal but different because of this because women get more sympathy as a result of them expressing their emotions while crying. Of course, people caring if women cry is rooted in a chivalric notion that women are to be protected and cared for. If people stopped caring when women cry and she just loses "being worth treating like an adult" points, problem solved I reckon.

Not caring if a woman cries is far more likely to happen than a man not losing man points for crying btw. People pay a lot of lip service to not being judgemental about this, but it happens anyway.