I was sexually abused from the ages of 7-20. I had a daughter as a result. I met a man online and married him to get away from that hell. I then met another man and fell deeply in love with him, keeping it from my husband. Then that man killed himself because I couldn't find the courage to leave my husband for him. I haven't told anyone any of this. I feel overwhelmed. I am grieving for a life lost..both his and mine. My one chance to be happy...gone..and its my fault.
2007-09-27 23:06:53 · 11 answers · asked by +VeryFemale+ 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
This is a very sad story you tell...How terrible that you were abused so terribly. This isn't your fault that this man killed himself, and I am sorry for your loss..victims usually blame themselves, when things like this happen. I would wonder who fathered your little one? You have a good man that you are married too,..you made a mistake, and had an affair. I think that you need to find God and Jesus in your life. You need to learn how to forgive those that hurt yu, and to ask for forgiveness for your sins also. We have to forgive others, or God won't forgive us, and you have committed adultry. You can and will be forgiven, and you need to forgive the people who destroyed your life as a child, I am so sorry that the fellow you fell in love with,was so despondant, that he ended his life..he wasn't thinking of you much, when he did that, but when we are terribly sad, sometimes we do the wrong things on the spur of the moment. Don't say that it is your one chance. Try to see the good in the man that loved you enough to marry you..you may have happiness right under your nose, and all this time didn't realize it.God Bless, and you will be fine, all things are made right with God almighty and Christ Jesus xxx
2007-09-27 23:20:38 · answer #1 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT SOMEONE KILLED HIMSELF. NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL!!!!!!!!
You need to talk to your husband about all of this. You may even need to seperate for a while so you can spend some time working on you. I suggest going to counseling immediately!.
Think of your husband, and what he has done for you. He rescued you when no one else did, not even this other man. And that other man KILLED HIM SELF because he was SELFISH and was upset he couldn't get what he wanted, not because he wanted what was best for you.
And who says that was you one and only chance? You still have years of your life to live. Commit to being happy each day, and to making your daughter happy, healthy, and safe.
2007-09-28 06:13:40 · answer #2 · answered by A derka der 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
View sexual abuse: minors, at http://www.ezy-build.net. (.net.nz/~shaneris) on page 20. You didn't kill him: he did that himself. Seek therapy (see page 1). Firmly resolve now to stop thinking about him, and use the negative thought reprogramming technique, on page 2. Make yourself exercise, and go out, even if you don't enjoy it, at first: it will provide one way of stopping you from thinking about your present life situation. Open your mind to the possibility of another relationship, with someone new, but learn from your mistake, abandoning potential happiness for security. Ensure you have the resources put aside, where your husband will not find out. For grief related depression, go to http://www.mind.org.uk/ and type "grief in the taskbar, and enter. Call: (U.S.A.) 1800 445 4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email jo@samaritans.org Chatrooms and forums: http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/grief.html and http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com/ and http://messageboards.ivillage.com/ Other websites: http://www.griefnet.org/ and http://www.helpguide.org/ and http://www.mental-health-abc.com/ and http://www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 Understand that there are often several stages of grief. See www.amazon.com for books on the various stages. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, and set aside one day per month on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or you may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express your thoughts, and feelings. Journalling may help in this. If the depression continues, visit your doctor, and see depression treatments, in section 2.
2007-09-28 08:10:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy (kinda) to talk about this stuff online isn't it, harder to do in a face to face situation. I think that's what you need to do though. Do you have a close friend you can talk to? I would suggest speaking to your dr. It took me years to do so but in the end my dr sorted me out some great help for dealing with my issues, also caused by loss and abuse.
I know things seem fairly awful but I really think it's worth trying to see someone and talk about all of this stuff. It could really help turn your life around. Also, hard as it is to have lost the love of your life you can not blame yourself. I know how bad you must feel but you are not responsible for his death. You didn't 'make him' kill himself, hard as it is to accept that was his choice to make, not yours.
Anyway, I hope you find someone you can talk to and get the help you need to deal with this.
2007-09-28 06:17:57 · answer #4 · answered by Sian 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without proper therapy and counseling, you may well be on the way to some kind of breakdown. If you're worried about it, then at least get in a support group. You don't get just one chance to be happy--every day you have to choose to be happy.
2007-09-28 06:18:41 · answer #5 · answered by sursumcorda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you could write a book. I am sorry that you were hurt for so long. I am assuming that you arent happy at home? I would get some help because this can catch up with you in addition to eating you up inside as we speak. Please see someone about this!
2007-09-28 06:53:23 · answer #6 · answered by MHnurseC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not responsible for the actions of others. You can't seriously take on the responsibility of the actions of someone who killed himself, do you want to take on the responsibility for the actions of the person who raped you for so many years? Not realistic, is it? You desperately need to get professional help as soon as possible in order to help you move on from the mess and he** that your life is. Please get the help you need so that you can put your life into perspective and get on with living.
Remember, we are only responsible for ourselves, not someone else.
2007-09-28 06:20:02 · answer #7 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must love being abused. Get some professional help and don't expect help from amateurs. Listen to the right people and turn your life around for a new start.
2007-09-28 06:11:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
that's not right.
the guy who killed himself should have stuck around to prove he was genuinely interested in being with you.
all he has done is lay guilt on you.
2007-09-28 06:29:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
iam sorry but i feel that internet is not the place to disclose all this. plz confess to your husband.
2007-09-28 07:23:37 · answer #10 · answered by pikachu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋