I am working on this and want to get some creative feedback. I am not quite finished with it yet so bear with me.
The teacher has become the student
~greedily craving the next lesson
A master has learned
the true and blessed meaning
of surrender and release
The intensity of his gaze
penetrates my defenses
~leaving me trembling with anticipation
With his thoughtful, focused, and determined lovemaking
~he brings me to the brink of madness
Then gently nudges me into blissful oblivion
~to a place I've never been before...completely powerless
A wizened and thoughtful soul
lives inside his young and lithe body
creating a powerful combination of strength and sensitivity
He gives me the unspoken permission to be myself
~to feel no guilt, no pain, no shame
but to embrace the reward that only the relinquishment of control can bring.
2007-09-27 21:32:44 · 4 answers · asked by LadyLeatherneck 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
He is really wonderful, thank you. I have found myself in a place I have never been and it is truly inspiring.
2007-09-27 22:28:29 · update #1
Thanks, Dondi. I appreciate the support.
Rich M ~ Email me sometime...
2007-09-28 00:13:31 · update #2
There is something in the beginning that makes me pause too, but then I do the same thing!
2007-09-28 00:14:13 · update #3
First time through, I though there may have been a tense glitch at the beginning, but on re-read, it looks as if if should be that way, makes perfect sense. Well done. The words had a good rhythm, and flowed well as I read, the subject wasn't one that overdone, the realization that not all submission is a bad thing, all work together to make this a really great piece of poetry.
I keep saying it, and your work proves it once again, poetry is not a collection of pretty words, it's a collection of words arranged prettily.
2007-09-27 23:05:41 · answer #1 · answered by Dondi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To wild, it grates the very essence of it's meaning, you should try to focus on the flow only for a little while, then go back and treat the poem as informative.
2007-09-30 19:40:23 · answer #2 · answered by kissaled 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is absolutely beautiful, and sounds as if whoever inspired you is really fantastic. Keep going with it, great !
2007-09-28 05:21:54 · answer #3 · answered by Texaschick 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Greetings. personally I like it just as it is. keep plugging away and I bet you make it. Semper Fi
2007-09-28 04:43:29 · answer #4 · answered by Rich M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋