When you have to make a very difficult decision....?

Question

And make it, do you second guess yourself because of all the resistance you get in doing so??

I mean, do people understand how difficult it is to make a decision that involves the wellbeing of someone you love?

I'm just flabbergasted at the lack of support and really disillusioned with people I thought I could count on.

I don't know how one gets over all that.

Ty all. Well Mystic you are very insighful. I had to make a decision re my dads care. He's ill but his brother is totally unsupportive and my sister wants things her way. Ultimately mom has to make the choice but she is really incapable of coming to any decision without advice.

Oddly you mentioned motivation, and everyone else is doing so with SELFISH motives just as you stated. I'm trying to think only of my dad. What is best, and that involves sending him somewhere a bit far for everyone to go to. But it's only temporary and it's what he needs to come home.

It's awful when family does this to you. It's even more hurtful and dispicable than this and has gotten to be quite ugly. I just think that is the last thing a family needs to do to each other when something like this happens. I've sacrificed so much of my time to be there and help him recover every day, and they have no idea the severity of his impairments and are in denial that he may never be his old self.

Answer 1

Hey Eve,
I truly sympatize with you. I am going through this same type of problem with my mom ! Although I have 5 siblings only my youngest sister and I get involved with her care and appointments and tests etc.
The rest of my siblings wash their hands of the whole thing and don't want to be bothered, but the minute a decision is made for the well-being of my mom, they jump right in and criticize whatever was decided ! Then they have the gall to actually become indignant and ask things like, "Well, why didn't you ask the doctors about this or that ?".
It is truly frustrating to deal with, if they truly want to help, then
they should have been there with us ! They actually have no clue what my mom is going through at all ! It's hard not to think of them as SELFISH !

Just follow your heart, Eve, and do what is best for your dad !
Don't second guess yourself because of ignorance and selfishness !

Take care.
Luv and Hugs,
Fran

Answer 2

Hi Eve

I think a bit more information would have been helpful. Without many details you will probably get some very general answers. I do hope that you find one of them helpful and pertinent to your particular needs.

It sounds like you felt you were forced to make a difficult choice regarding someone whom you love and others around you didn't support you in that choice?

It sounds like you need some resolution and you are needing a frim foundation to stand on your decision in the midst of other peoples negative perception. Your answer is really inside of you. Be honest with yourself, really look at your motivation and intentions for making the decision that you did. Were there any way you were being manipulative? Self serving? Selfish? Or seeking to somehow punish this person or make them wrong or wanting to show them the error of thier ways? These are the things that can block us from making truly loving decisions. What was your intention? Did you honestly want to help the other person? Were you faced with some very real concerns for their well being and safety or perhaps even for your own? Look at all of it and be brutally honest with yourself. If you find that love was really at the core of your decision then find solace in the fact that you did what you did from a pure intent, with a good heart. If you find that your choice was really less than loving be willing to look at the too. If you find that that was the case, look inside yourself and examine what need you were trying to fulfill and then question that need. If you have made a mistake, admit it to yourself and maybe try to make amends. You don't owe the whole world an apology if you did make a mistake, but you do owe it to yourself to promise that you will do things differently in the future, from a higher place, based on love and not on fear. Forgive yourself. Understand that you did the best you knew how to do then and learn from it so you can do it better the next time. Life is about learning lessons...sometimes those lessons are painful. Maybe you are just being called to stand up for what you believe in your heart to be right and if that is the case you can let it go, no matter what anyone else may have to say. People like to be judgemental. Forgive them and move on.

Good luck

Answer 3

However hard it is your father's best interest is at stake here. Sometimes members of the family cannot cope with the way in which circumstances evolve. So everyone reactes everyone gets emotional and you have chaos. The best thing is to try to come together with your family and lay out the right plan for your dad's care. Not everyone especially family can sometimes deal with their own emotions, I know when my mother in law was in a coma and in the hospital all hell broke lose, we looked like a bunch of wacky people. It's the stress of coping with such an raw circumstance. All the best I'm sure you as a family will do what is best.

Answer 4

If you made the decision with the persons well being in mind, then yes you made the right decision. Others don't have to live with the decision. You do. It's times like these that you find out who your real friends are. And choose accordingly so you can have a support system in place the next time you need it!

Answer 5

You have learned a valuble lesson. Sometimes friends (and family) aren't always as close to us as they seem. Remember this, so that if someone else in your life is making a tough choice, that you are supportive. If you feel like you have made the best decision then stick with it and don't doubt yourself. There will always be nay-sayers.

Answer 6

Decision is always a personal choice, it is unfair to blame others when things go wrong, I have never asked for advice in personal matters, so have not been disillusioned, people have their own problems which may be bigger than mine.

Answer 7

When it comes to decisions regarding family members well being the rational can become irrational!

Answer 8

I don't think George W. has a concience!