How do you tell your husband no he can't let his brother move in when he's the one paying the rent?

Question

My husband is the main source of money in our home. He pays all the bills and I take care of the home and our girls. He now wants to move his brother into our home to sleep on the couch. His brother isn't a very upstanding person and he has plenty of issues and I would rather not have him live with us. My husband knows this but is going with it anyway. How do I tell him no way I can't allow this to happen without causing a fight? Is there anyway when it's family involved?

Answer 1

Eeek! Put your foot down! I don't have a crystal ball, but MAN, do I see problems coming!

Answer 2

You two should both agree to sit down and have a discussion about this before the brother moves in. Thats first. Second, you two should weigh the pros and cons meaning-what are the pros of him staying their. Will he help around the house? Will he contribute to the bills or at least the rent? Will he only agree to stay untill he finds a place? Will he agree to stay away from your daughters unless you authorize him to be around them?( not saying he is going to do anything to them, thats just for safety reasons). Will he clean-up after his self? And, finally will he respect you and your household? As far as the cons is concerned, you and your husband should go over or go down the list of the things he does wrong. And talk about each of them. If you do not reach a verdict or if you two do not come to a agreement or just dont want the brother their, then you should give him(your husband) a ultimatum. Meaning either he dosent come to stay their, or you and your girls will find a diffrent location(family, friends house etc.) to live for the time the brother is their. Remember to be respectful but assertive. Also remember its his house. Although, he should respect your feelings about this. Considering he is your husband. You do not want to live in a house with someone that makes you feel uncomfortable. Especially, if you are paying even some of the bills.

Answer 3

He may pay the bills but you take care of the house, him and your children. You have a full time job. You are on call 24 hrs a day, do not get sick days or paid vacation. Of course you have a say.
Explain to him why you do not want his brother living with you guys. Tell him that he can camp on the couch for _____ days but no longer and that the brother has to clean up behind himself because you are not his maid or mother.
You did not say but does his brother work or is he going to be sitting around the house in your way all day?
Put your foot down and hold your ground or you will have a permanent house guest.

Answer 4

He is your husband and he should respect your wishes on this. You need to draw the line and tell him that if he allows his brother to move in, he needs to give you enough money so you can find someplace for you and the kids to stay until the brother has left. With his brother having "issues," I would fear for my own safety and the safety of my children; not to mention the safety of your home. Tell your husband that when he makes ALL the money AND does ALL the chores in the home then he can make ALL the decisions by himself; until then, he needs to respect you as an equal and take your concerns seriously.

One time, my husband tried to pull that "I make the money so I make the rules" crap with me; and you know what I did? I actually took a page from the "Everybody Loves Raymond" book, and I drew up a bill for MY services. Childcare, housekeeping, cleaning, whatever I could think up; I went online and found out what each of those jobs makes in an average year, and I billed him for it. Shut him right up; and he never EVER tried that again. LOL But it worked because I put my foot down and MADE him see me as an equal (actually I think my bill was for about four times his annual wage, LOL), and that opened our line of communication and solved a lot of problems. I'm not saying to do this specifically, just using it as my personal example; but you do need to stand firm on this. Family is much more likely to take advantage of you than a stranger is; I see this all the time in the Yahoo group I belong to for moms; so I say fight girl!!!

Answer 5

I have seen things like this happen before where the bother is suppose to be there for a week and it leads to more with a hard luck story. Sounds like he would be in the best interest of the family not to allow this, Give him the option of you and the girls or his brother. and stick to it. Talk to people you could stay with relatives, friends, check the safe house. Since you have no ingome you may need to reply on these to help you. If you have a savings account you may need to use it for motels and food for a few days.

Answer 6

This is a marriage-ending issue.
No matter who pays the bills, you have got to be in charge of your house, especially if you have daughters.
Every marriage must have strict boundaries from the in-laws, and a mooching brother is bad news. It also completely damages the brother-in-law's self-esteem, as well.
If you possibly can, make it clear to your husband that this is not good for his brother in the long run, and will make him feel inadequate. This may be a "power-play" your husband is using to enjoy an advantage over his brother, to settle old scores. Let him do it OUT OF YOUR HOUSE.

Answer 7

To no there is noway around the family thing, but you can ask for some ground rules, like some rent, not so much he can't save any to move out with, or save the rent so he can move out in case he doesn't. Maybe a time limit on how long with no improvement in his general situation etc....Good luck.......my brother now lives with my husband and I.....he has been good about it but I don't know how much longer...

Answer 8

It is one thing if the BIL is just staying for a couple of nights, maybe a week at the most.
You need to make it clear that this is going to be a very LIMITED thing... he has to be out of the house by a certain date.
Hubby may be the breadwinner, but you are the MOMMA... the ultimate authority!
Use that authority.
Every night BIL stays at the house will be one night hubby goes without any lovin'.

Answer 9

Last time I checked, marriage was a contract that legally merged the two parties' assets so that they become one entity. Meaning....what's his is yours and what's yours is his. So....he works outside of the house and gets a paycheck and you work at home and save the family money on childcare, maid service, etc. Your work is just as important as his, you just get paid in a different way. So...I said all that to get to this...IT'S YOUR HOUSE TOO!!!! Oh, and your girls' house as well. It seems to me that if it were voted on, he'd lose 3 votes nay and 1 vote yes. I don't understand why he is putting his relationship with his brother over his relationship with his wife and kids. You are his priority now...You are his family now...that is why God said to leave your father and your mother and to cling to each other....It may be time to bring in a neutral party like a minister...a friend to help you talk to him. Good luck!

Answer 10

Tell your husband since he isn't home 24/7 like you are, the first chance you get you'll put his brother out.

Answer 11

Are you on the lease? As his wife and a co-lessee, you have as much right as he does to decide on the family's welfare. Tell him that his brother will be a bad influence on your daugters and you do not want someone sleeping on your couch for more than a week-end. You are going to have to stand your ground on this or your opinion will never be worth anything. I would tell him that it comes down to his brother or you.