So a friend and her fiance want to get married at JOP then they are having their church wedding a few months later. They want to keep it secret but is it possible because at the wedding at the church don't you sign documents with the Paster?! How can they do this without NOBODY knowing? Not even the pastor. please help!
2007-09-27 16:17:01 · 18 answers · asked by married to my hero 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
when you apply for a marriage license (which they would have to do for the jop) it asks if you're married. in the case of the renewing the vows (which is how i would look at it) you MIGHT not need a license so no one would have to sign. just be upfront with the minister about it being a renewal but that you want it as close to the real thing as possible. but point this out to them...the license would say their anniversary is in July(for ex) and their parents, friends, relatives are going to want to celebrate it in November (again for ex). which day do you celebrate? it seems to me that if you want a church wedding - do a church wedding the first time around...i mean why pay for it twice?
2007-09-27 17:06:14 · answer #1 · answered by mender_bender2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pastor//bishop//whoever does sign papers when you marry in a church. If they want that kind of wedding so badly they can wait and do it right the first time. There is no way to make that work without telling the pastor. You can fool the rest of the guests... If they want to do a JOP wedding and then have a vow renewal or ring ceremony they can discuss that with the pastor. I dont' know what religion it is, but some may go for it, others may not.
2007-09-27 23:38:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot hide that from the pastor. At the wedding, the pastor and their witnesses would sign the marriage license. And I doubt they would even be able to get a second marriage license, if they already had one from the JOP. I have a real problem with people lying about their marriage, I think what your friends want to do is tasteless and deceitful. They should just wait and have a real ceremony. Whats a couple of months?
2007-09-28 06:23:44 · answer #3 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I hate to be the bearer of "bad news" but sooner or later someone will find out.
When a man and woman apply for a Marriage License their names and addresses are listed in the local newspaper under the heading "People Who Applied For A Marriage License." This is a matter of "public record" just like the purchases of property . . divorces . . and deaths. Plus their application will be listed and open for the public's viewing in the Court House where they applied. Yes, anyone can walk into the Court House and ask to see who applied for a Marriage License . . , and then after the ceremony takes place that information will include the date of the ceremony, where the ceremony took place and who conducted the ceremony, and the officiant's signature.
Possible solution . . you may be able to apply for your Marriage License in another county in a different part of the state where friends and relatives will not see your names listed in the local newspaper. And you will also have to find someone to perform that ceremony (in a different county or part of the state). Many people refer to this as "eloping."
In the event of the church ceremony . . before a Bride and Groom gets married the minister will ALWAYS ask to see the Bride and Groom's Marriage License before he or she will conduct the ceremony. This is a legal requirement. So the chance of you hiding the first marriage ceremony is ZERO because you will not have a Marriage License to give to this person. So sooner or later your friend will have to tell the minister "I was legally married before." And the minister will ask to see your original Certificate of Marriage (your legal document of marriage) before the second ceremony will take place.
And here's one other thing your friend needs to know before they have "a secret ceremony" . . not all ministers or priests will perform "a second ceremony" once they find out the couple has been married before by a judge or justice of the peace or another minister. It is the minister's discretion to marry the couple "a second time" . . and yes, sometimes they will refuse to do it.
And how do I know about this? Because I have been associated with many "second ceremonies."
And what is your friend going to say or do when the minister asks to see her Marriage License while her Mother and Father are standing there as one minister did. As I said earlier, sooner or later someone will find out.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
2007-09-29 07:33:03 · answer #4 · answered by Avis B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand! My fiancee and I considered doing this for health insurance and other benefits because we aren't getting married till may 2009 but we both come very big irish and italian families and it would devistate them if they ever found out that we did this to them so we decided not to do it.
I also understand because my brother is in the USAF and recently got married at the JOP and is having ceremony later and he didnt tell anyone and it devestated my parents.
Before you make a final decision talk to the pastor that would do your ceremony later on and see what they suggest- sometimes they have the best alternatives.
Your MOH and BM will eventually figure out if they don't have to sign something but how trust worthy are they will they tell your friends and relatives? all things to consider.
Consider why you are doing it before hand and then having a second ceremony- is it a legite reason that your family would understand or not really?
Good luck
2007-09-28 00:21:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think this is so dishonest and really annoying.
I'm pretty modern in my way of thinking. But, I think this is a new "trend" that just should not stick.
You are suppose to have ONE wedding ceremony. IMO, how can the second ceremony have ANY meaning if you are already married. If the other people in the church don't know, who are you fooling. God knows.
Plus, IMO if you are relgious and a church wedding is important.....is your first marriage valid at all. Aren't you suppose to marry in the eyes of God.
I grew up Catholic. In order for a marriage to be recognized under the church, you need to be married in a church and by a priets. Having a JOP, would make me feel like a hyprocite at my church wedding. But, that's just me.
I think it's sort of foolish. If you want to get married, make ONE choice on your ceremony.
2007-09-27 23:27:57 · answer #6 · answered by Miss Answers 2007 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hi. What's the point? I do understand when people are rushed because of military duties, but a few months later? Yes, they normally WOULD sign something at the church and have the pastor sign also. But, obviously, they will not be able to do that because a marriage will have already taken place.
If they want the church wedding, then they will have to wait. A pastor will not be pleased (nor the guests) to know that they are going to a wedding "re-do."
2007-09-27 23:25:19 · answer #7 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The pastor will have to know. This doesn't mean that they can't unify their marriage and love before God. The wedding can go on as usual but the pastor will know and I guess so do you.... Why do they want to do the JOP first? I am sure there are many reasons for this.......
2007-09-28 00:39:00 · answer #8 · answered by hawk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pastor will know when they don't ask him to sign the license. Does it really matter? I know lots of people who married by judges and then later had their marriages blessed in the Church. No big deal, they just tell the Pastor or Priest what is going on and he shouldn't have a problem with it.
2007-09-27 23:26:25 · answer #9 · answered by poisonous_tree_frog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't keep it secret from everyone. The pastor, the maid of honor and the best man all sign the wedding certificate, so they will all know. It's best to just tell the people involved and the parents if they are paying for it. They have a right to know.
2007-09-27 23:27:48 · answer #10 · answered by CJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋