okay so my husband and i have been together for 8 years and married for 4,my mother in law was the perfect mother in law until the day we got married.she always is rude to me and saying things i didnt even say.she tells other family members lies about me.my husband and i have worked things out with us and he understamds how his mother is but it still bothers me she gets away with this stuff she does,how to i say to back off with out causeing more ripples in the water and with out her spreading more lies??
2007-09-27 16:14:20 · 16 answers · asked by his_wife72603 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Honestly, it sounds like maybe it's time for your husband to make her understand. You are his wife, and he shouldn't let anyone treat you that way. Not even his mother! If he won't stick up for you and stand by you, why would anyone else in the family? I think you need to explain to your husband how it is making you feel and that you feel something needs to be said. Maybe he would be willing to sit down and talk it out with you and his mother together?
2007-09-27 16:21:28 · answer #1 · answered by ladybug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her attitude toward you shifted when you finally got married? That means you are the competition for her son's affections and should therefore be smeared!
Your hubby really needs to have a talk with her about her little smear campaign. He has to stand up for you. If you two are at a family gathering and she is up to the old smear tactics, he
needs to call it down on the spot. You making the stand for yourself will not have the same impact with the old biddie.
If your hubby will not handle this, you can expect more of this as time goes on.
I would also suggest inviting other family members over for dinners and the like to see how you two really are doing. The recon reports going back to other family members will probably blow the MIL's stories out of the water. That is defusing the disinformation machine.
2007-09-27 16:23:02 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your mother in law is a story teller like mine and looks to create drama then just know that your not the only one in the family she is doing this to. I can say that after a while people get tired of hearing the drama so, I am sure your family has had enough of her and knows she is full of bologna. I would just keep my distance and if she is rude to you then I would just ask her point blank I sense your upset with me and I don't know what I could have done to offend you that your being rude. Please, let me know what I did. She will either come out with why her panties are in a bunch or knock it off cause you called her on it. To bad your husband won't say anything to her as that would be most effective.
2007-09-28 02:15:15 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apart from telling her you know what shes doing theres not much else you can do.
I don't know why but not very many people get along with mother in laws, me included. My mother in law tried to set my partner up with one of her co workers, saying he was single. It did my head in because we live together and have our 3rd child on the way.. he is far from single.... She always has something negative to say as well when we have good news and she is just a real wet blanket. I avoid having much to do with her but somehow she still manages to find a topic to gossip about me with.
Is it possible for your partner to say something to her, since it is his mum? Maybe she is jealous now that you are the main woman in her sons life?
Im still trying to figure out how to get mine to pull her head in so this is all I can suggest im afraid
2007-09-27 16:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a similar problem. really it comes down to your husband should stand up for you and defend you against her. he is now the head of a new family and is no longer her child. id been fighting this with my partner and i saw on Dr Phil exactly what id been saying. Dr Phil recons that its for him to deal with. She probably wont listen to you and keep goin aslong as her son just lets it happen. when my mother causes a problem its up to me to fix it as the children always know how to deal with thier parents. Sit him down explain what needs to be fixed and let him deal with it. then when things are getting better you can then step in. if you approach her she will probably get on gaurd and wont listen to you which i found out the hard way with my mother in law because im young i dont know anything but i sure do know alot more than her. so get your husband to sort things out. stick to your guns and when the time comes take his advise on how to interact with his mother. your husband is the key.
2007-09-27 16:23:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change anyone else, you can only come to terms with how they are and let it go. It's not easy, but it's worth working on since this person is going to continue to be part of your life. When you hear a lie being passed on about you, just calmly correct it. She's probably gotten away with this all her life and just isn't going to change. you don't have to be friends with her, minimize your contact. Seems like your husband is aware and ready to abck you up, so let that be your support.
2007-09-27 16:27:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
see this is something you can't resolve yourself. if you told your husband and he didn't tell her to back off himself then you got trouble. remember you married him and it comes with the territory, because you cant pic your family. now he should be man enough to know when things are tough its you and him..thats it. things between you and him are between you and him. family has nothing to do with what goes on in your house. you should tell him and let him see for himself whats happening. a man has to defend what is his. apparently he has to protect you and let hims mom know not to act that way because your not going anywhere. if she was going to act this way she should have done it before when you where dating. least you would have known if it was worth it or not. if all else fails drop her from a window or just give her some meds!
2007-09-27 17:02:45 · answer #7 · answered by cayey911 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do to stop her from talking bad about you and telling lies but you can avoid argueing with her, you just have to be the better person. Your husband needs to talk to her about this. There are some people that thrive on drama and she just may be one of those people.
2007-09-27 16:23:52 · answer #8 · answered by sara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can say that won't make it worse. She is jealous, and until your son tells her to stop, it won't stop. It is totally up to him. Tell him to grow some b_lls and tell his mother to back off. Otherwise, there will be resentment between you and your husband, because you know he is the only one who can stop her, and if he don't, don't expect this relationship to be what you want it to be , if it lasts at all.
2007-09-27 16:19:47 · answer #9 · answered by onceisenoughilearnedmylesson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there done that... if my own mother in law wasn't dead I'd think you got her....
be cordial, if she starts, say nothing, just walk out of the room. if she doesn't like it tooooooo bad! if other family members start to say, mom said this or mom said that, just say, "ya know, i really don't want to hear it. it only makes me feel bad. you know how she is." and leave it at that.....
it took me about 6 months of doing that before things died down. there is no fun in the b s if you won't play along!
i know how you feel. hang in there. she will drop dead eventually!!!
2007-09-27 17:36:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋