I am not having a go at all. I just find it weird that some people give answers like ‘You should be married to have kids’ etc.
I have been in a wonderful relationship with my partner for 6-7 years. We have two year old twin boys, William & Tobias. Marriage is not on our cards. I don’t believe in it at all, as I have seen so many people get divorced over the years, and hardly see the point of wasting money on a wedding. Basically it is a piece of paper I can live without. The only thing I can see changing from it is a last name. I love my last name, so I doubt I would change it. Marriage doesn’t mean I love my partner or kids any less.
A lot of people feel the same way as me now days. But I really just want to know what the heck does it have to do with babies?
I am not meaning to be rude. If you could leave your opinions that would be great
2007-09-27 15:04:52 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I live in Australia. It isn't a big deal here. I still receive a share of my partners Superannuation and things like that. We live together and raise our kids together. Basically married without a certificate.
I do agree with Connors mum, about young people having kids. but for the majority of people planning kids is it really that big of a deal?
2007-09-27 15:25:48 · update #1
I live in a defacto relationship which is recognized in Australia as a marriage without the paper work.
2007-09-27 15:38:39 · update #2
I agree, sort of. I have a son with my boyfriend. I would like a wedding... but its not that important. I find it kinda silly that people say you should wait. Altho, i think on here, some of that is more or less directed towards the "Young" girls who say "i think I'm pregnant" asking questions about sex.
Marriage has nothing to do with have'n kids. Anyone can do it, with or without the piece of paper. I think, if you love someone, and can be faithful to them, so what, who cares! Have 10 kids out of wed lock!
2007-09-27 15:13:00 · answer #1 · answered by ツ Connors Mommy ツ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
In the states - even with domestic partner laws - there is nothing that protects the "family unit" if there is no marriage. Even in states that allow common-law marriages if you have been together for a long time, the benefits (especially at death) are not the same, or even close to what would happen if you were married.
Also, when people say that you should be married first - I think it is basically because we all know that for kids to have the best chance in life they need to see a healthy relationship between their parents - preferably living and working together as a team in the parenting biz. My husband and I talk about it all the time that it really does take two people to raise a kid and could not imagine if we had to do it singly.
I also believe that many times (at least this is why I say it), a lot of the stupid young people that ask questions on here aren't ready to get married at 16 but they are ready to have kids (?). Saying that you should be married first is a way to drive home the point that your life should be in order BEFORE you have kids, not 10 years later.
Glad to hear that you have a wonderful relationship - there are not many of us out there these days it seems! :)
2007-09-28 01:26:44 · answer #2 · answered by ShellyC 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, for kids, it can be important that there is definite commitment between their mommy and daddy. It doesn't occur to children in a healthy family scenario that either of their parentas will leave. But when they go to school and their friends talk about divorce and marriage, and they say their mommy and daddy aren't married, they will very likely be made fun of. The insecurity of knowing that their mom and dad refuse to make that lifelong commitment to one another can be overwhelming. Also, whereas the life insurance thing is untrue (you actually have to designate a specific person on your own life insurance forms and that person could be bob, the grocery boy if you want) there are many things that will make a difference if you aren't married. If you feel that strongly about it, no one is saying that your kids are going to be disadvantaged in any way. But like the other poster said, it's clearly not 'just a peice of paper' or you would have done it for the benefits alone!
2007-09-27 22:43:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think people say that because it gives you some security. Yes you can get divorced but children born in marriage are automatically assumed to be the husbands. If you take time off to raise the kids and you guys break up if you are married he has to pay alimony because he was supporting you in the marriage and just can't leave you high and dry but if you are dating he can just walk out and you have no job and no income.
You have a good relationship and you are lucky but marriage just is a sort of insurance when you have a kid
2007-09-27 22:37:16 · answer #4 · answered by Big Daddy R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't say where you live, or whether you live outside the home. In the US, marriage automatically provides some important benefits, such the automatic right to inherit your spouse's property, the right (or responsibility) to make decisions for them if they are incapacitated, automatic guardianship of any minor children, etc. It might provide insurance benefits from an employer, too. The gay marriage proponents listed some 400 such benefits of varying degrees of importance.
It also demonstrates a commitment to the world that you made to each other. That may or may not be important to you, but it can matter to others.
2007-09-27 22:15:44 · answer #5 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
my son was born a year before my husband and i finally got married. and i am HAPPY we did it that way! my husband and i have been a couple for 6 years. and we just got married this july. i hate when i hear people say you should be married before kids come. thats not always the best idea in certain situations. wouldn't you want to know for sure that your relationship was going to be lasting one before you decided to get married. i don't know. i think its just ridiculas. whats the point a marrying someone "for the kids" when you don't love this person. if you are miserable, your kids will also be miserable. and that is a sad sad story.
2007-09-27 23:32:38 · answer #6 · answered by Paige 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage has nothing to do with children. Marriage and parenthood are two totally different arenas. I know people that feel compelled to get married because they're pregnant or got a girl pregnant. They don't love each other they just get married because of a child. There's no real commitment there, they don't love each other.
I got married because I love my wife and our kids. No strings or crap attached.
2007-09-27 23:59:23 · answer #7 · answered by tercentenary98 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, the main reason for getting that stupid piece of governmental paper is so that you don't have to jump through so many other hoops later in life. For example, if you aren't married it is more difficult for you to:
-get health benefits
-have rights in an emergency health care situation
-inherit
In order to choose to have children with someone, you ought to have a certain level of commitment to them and the children, and for most people marriage is the outward statement that you have made that commitment. Many people have very strong religious beliefs that contribute to their opinions about marriage and children, also.
I think it is a matter of personal choice. If marriage is important to one partner, then the other should be willing to deal with it. If you are both happy with your situation, then ignore the opinions of anybody who thinks you "need" to be married!
2007-09-27 22:23:20 · answer #8 · answered by Elflynn 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
having kids before i got married would have been a life and death situation!!!!, my mum wouldv KILLED ME
shes italian and one strict woman, im the youngest of 4 and cos they all followed the rules and got married b4 they had kids, i had to aswell or i would have copped it, lol
luckily i met my hubby when i was 17 he was 22, and we were married within 18mths, i just turned 19
it has worked out really well for us, i could tell from the day i met him that we would stay together, we got married quick cos his dad died and his mum couldnt cope with all the bills and rent, so we put a deposit on a house and she lived with us for 16mths,,,[bad memories]
once she moved out we decided to get pregnant and i had my 1st at 21
well its 4 kids later and i love my hubby heaps, we r the perfect match- most days,lol
whether we were married or not, this is how our life would still be!, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2007-09-27 22:47:01 · answer #9 · answered by ROCKMUM LOVES BOWIE 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess when people say marriage they include "long-term committed relationships", it just makes more sense to say marriage? I don't think it matters either way. People break up all the time, married or not, with kids or not.
2007-09-27 22:33:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋