parent to parent I need some helpful advice on "sex talk" to my teenage daughter!?

Question

I am a single mother of three children. My oldest is 13 and a girl. She started her period at the ripe young age of 9, so as far as the female sexulaity I have always been open. Last year she recieved sex ed classes and knows the concept of sex and pregnancy. I have noticed the other girls in her class doing more than flirting. My hopes is that I raise a strong minded young woman that respects herself, however I am not sure how to go about it. I was never married and I feel like a hippocrite, sort of like "do as I say not as I do". My daughter is not dating ( and from the emails I get to read) she does not have a boyfriend, this past summer I noticed her cloths were a bit more revealing on her and let me say she wear a size 9 ladies and a 36d bra..at 13??? I know when I started thinking about sex and I was young, I had no respect for myself and participated in sexual acts to gain aproval from men. Years later (with theorpy) I changed my ways. Any advice!!!!

Answer 1

My parents told me [in a nutshell] that sex is enjoyable, but only when you are with the right person. They said can never take back having sex with someone and some consequences of sex last forever-like STDs and children. They told me how to protect myself but to remember that nothing is 100% and not only could I get a disease that would impact my life forever but SEX MAKES BABIES-so don't have sex with anyone that you don't want to be the father of your children.

It worked well for me. I didn't wait for marriage to have sex, but I did wait for the love of my life and was a virgin until I was with the man who is now my husband. Just be honest, tell her about the good and the bad-emotionally as well as physically-teach her how to protect herself, and then leave the lines of communication open.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Be open with your daughter about your early experiences and how you handled yourself until you learned better. Nothing like being honest and revealing upfront the pitfalls of doing things to please others without thinking about the consequence for yourself. Yes, it's okay to reveal you went about it the wrong way as you didn't know any better. So give her that knowledge now, so at least she'll be armed with greater awareness than you were! The girl or woman is usually left holding the "baby" and the guy gets off scott-free! It's an imbalance between the sexes. So I'd really hit home to her that sex is not a game. What can happen can be pretty permanent for a few minutes of fun, and more so for the female than the male! Give her fair warning of the odds involved! She's quite old enough to get the whole story with nothing held back! You wouldn't want to be a single mother of 3 and also grandmother of one more! Sit her down. It's heart-to-heart time! Too many of us females misinterpret a man's affections. You needn't ever sacrifice your future to entertain some guy that puts out the "love" vibes. As you know, 9 times out of 10, it's more about sex and fun for him, than about anything else. Love is truly proved out in other ways, not through just sex. The difference you could advise her about, is that sex is a very small, physical aspect of expressing love, if it's there, but the love part of true love, is the mental, emotional, caring, feeling aspect. You know you've found love when you get emotional support from that other person. They stand by you, through thick and thin, healthy or sick, up or down. Discuss the entire scope of the whole thing, pros and cons. She really needs to have extra awareness, as nowadays, innocence and holding back can meet with a lot of opposition. Fashions are quite revealing in this 21st affluent devil-may-care society. Women are always fed this focus on their appearance and anatomy, in the vast majority of advertising, movies or magazines, not to mention the role models out there. The Pamela Anderson, Anna Nicole Smith starlet types, touting this rather tawdry, bawdy image of female beauty and ideals. Everyone everywhere makes it appear as if having sex is as common place as having a sandwich! Make sure your daughter really knows the difference!

Answer 3

Hi..
You want the best for your family..As we all do..
At the age of 13, girls talk to each other..So your daughter might know a little more than you think..
But sometimes you have to be frank and honest with your daughter..as much as you can be, without going into too much personal details, about your own life.
Just tell your daughter. that if your Mom spoke to you, the way you're speaking to her, you might not have made some of the choices you made..And for that reason, you don't want her to make the same mistakes.That's not being a hypocrite..that's being a loving and concerned parent.
Tell her she has to work hard in school, and be an achiever..But that won't happen if she lets a boy take advantage of her.Tell her the pros and cons about relationships and one night stands with boys..This is important..
Teach her, how to have respect for yourself..And to come to you with any questions or concerns..
Tell her that you're there for her, no matter what..Get her involved with sports, good study habits..Perhaps joining a Church group..
Give her curfews, and stick to them..Know where she is at all times.
Know who her friends are and their phone numbers....And regardless of what the other girls wear..her cloths don't have to be that revealing..She's only 13.
Stay on top of her studies, and make sure she does....
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with your family..You sound like a concerned and loving mother..And that's good!
Remember..you're the mother!

Answer 4

While I am not a parent, I can give you a teen perspective on the "sex talk", from what I remember (now that I think about it, has it really be 7 years since I had this talk with my mom?!). Treat her like an adult, don't sugarcoat the facts. Try to get her alone, in a relaxed environment (perhaps after you had a mother-daughter bonding night... perhaps a movie you both enjoyed). Make it plain that you'll answer her questions. Don't be embarrassed, sex is natural!

Hope this helps, and good luck!

Answer 5

Although im not a parent i am a teenage girl so hopefully i can help you from the other end. This may seem like a strange answer but in my early teens i hated my mom. So i wanted to do anything i could to make her angry. I never did anything and as i got into highschool i learned to respect my mother. She is now my best friend and i feel like since i can respect her and want to make her happy i can respect myself. If you are already close to your daughter then jsut sit her down and say to her that its really not ok. and if you need some help with learning to make ties with your daughter just make sure she knows she can always talk to you about anything.

I hope that helps

Answer 6

Be open about the mistakes you made. Tell her about how much pain you went through becoming pregnant at such a young age. Tell her that it is best to wait until she is married, and to always come to you. Teach her about how a condom really doesn't protect you from such diseases as HPV (this virus, known as vaginal warts, can actually cause cervical cancer, and it is HIGHLY contagious--all it takes is one time playing with another person's genitals to catch it). I'd be questioning how the school teaches sex ed, too. Most schools don't promote abstinence, and they will give students the false hope that they are protected by the use of a condom.

Answer 7

You have to be honest with her. It's a cold world out here. Tell her about sex and the consequences. Our children follow in our footsteps. You did things in your past that she doesn't have to ever know about. With her breast size, she is going to get attention from boys and men and that is dangerous. You need to focus all your attention on her right now, she needs it. Teach her what you weren't taught and what you wished you were taught. You need to find out if she is having sex. Most girls who dress very sexy at a young age is either having sex or wanting attention. The attention they want is not what they will get. Even though she doesn't have a boyfriend, doesn't mean she isn't kissing or sleeping with a boy.

Answer 8

Yes!! Your a parent! Its normal to feel this way!! But, I would suggest since you want to talk to her about sex, dont sugar coat anything! Just be truly honest with her! Dont say things like the birds and the bees, not gonna work!! And, u just have to roll with it becasue I am pretty sure u are a wonderful mother and ur daugther will respect u for that! Trust me!! At least she is around the age to talk to her about these kind of things!! My daugther is only 1 month old, I have a long way to go!! Lol!

Answer 9

I would be honest and open with her. If you do not like her clothes which I'm not sure I would if it was my daugther(I'm not a prude just at 13 still a little young) then see if you can compromise with her. I would, with out going into details about your life but from the iv been there done this point explain to her that there's a lot more to her self then sex.

Answer 10

Dang, I'm a size 9 and c at 15! Just ask her if she has any questions, because she probably already knows a lot. Also mention that you will get her on birth control if she starts having sex. Because if she is having sex she needs to go to gynecologist appointments. Also give her this site if she wants it www.teenwire.com its by planned parenthood and it answers every question, that might be too embarrassing for them to ask mom. Hope this helped.