My daughter came out as lesbian about a week ago. I was very surprised, but she is the girl I carried and I love, respect and accept her for the individual woman she now is.
What really gobsmacks me is that she hid her relationship from us for 3 months. We thought they were just friends.
Her girlfriends parents did not see it the same way, and they kicked their daughter onto the streets. As her girlfriend only has a part time, poorly paid job, the best she could get was odd nights in various bed and breakfast/hostel accomodation, subsidised by the state.
I asked my daughter if she wanted to move her in to our home temporarily, until we created a 'studio flat' from the garage and games room, which they could share until they were ready to buy something. (There would be very little building work involved, just a matter of bricking up the garage door and putting a front door in it, then laying a floor and plastering and decorating the walls).
Have I done the right thing?
2007-09-27 11:24:25 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
My daughter is 23, a full time grad student living at home. Her girlfrend is 21, and works part time as a waitress/bar tender.
As for grandchildren, having children was a choice we made, whether we have grandkids is not our choice.
As for the person who thinks I made this up, its fine for you to think that.
2007-09-27 11:50:41 · update #1
Thank you for all your support and kindness. Sorry, I can't choose a best answer.
2007-10-05 08:48:54 · update #2
Since you mention employment for the girls, I assume they are not under aged. That would be a problem.
Acceptance is the way to go I believe. If you love someone, their happiness is much more important than their orientation.
The older one gets, the less these things matter so long as you are not dragged into a dishonest situation that is not as it seems.
2007-09-27 11:30:37 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 12⤊ 0⤋
It's such a wonderful thing to hear stories of the accepting and loving parents of LGBTQ individuals. It is especially heartwarming to hear that those parents are also supportive of LGBTQ people who are not their children. Society has made the lives of individuals who do not follow heteronormative behaviour very difficult. I am very happy that you have decided to help someone in need. By being open and caring towards another person (regardless of her sexuality), you are also opening up her life to the possibility of hope after she has lost everything she once knew: her home, her family, and her respect. I am sure that this type of thing is the reason your daughter and her girlfriend kept their relationship secret for so long. It was nothing against you personally, but there exists the innate fear that anyone might turn against a person who is hiding something that is as stigmatized as being gay. Thank you for helping her. I personally am grateful for your deed and do not think there is anything wrong with it.
2016-04-06 04:20:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely, you've done the right thing. The thing to put your mind at ease is to ask yourself: would I have done the same thing for my daughter's boyfriend whose parents kicked him out for some similar arbitrary reason. If the answer is yes, then you know you did the right thing. You're daughter and her girlfriend are very lucky to have such a loving parent. Of course the same issues come up as for any parent who let's their kids significant other move in. Set ground rules, it's your house. Kudos from a mom of teenagers that is also a lesbian. Oh yea, to the uneducated person above who thinks you won't have grand kids: Gay and Lesbian couples are having families either through adoption, sperm donors or fostering. Yes, you can still look forward to grandchildren ;) Haven't you heard of the gayby boom??
2007-09-27 11:44:15 · answer #3 · answered by momaab 4 · 10⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what your beliefs are. I think you were right in letting her move in. She was not safe where she was living, and to leave someone living in those conditions when you can help is completely inappropriate. Hats off to you Mom! On the other hand, I do not condone sex outside of marriage in my home, so that's where we'd run into problems. I would probably have them sleep in separate rooms because I would not feel comfortable with them (even if they were boyfriend and girlfriend) having sex in my home.
If that does not bother you, then you've done the right thing. Though I do not support the lifestyle, you have to love people, and to allow her to live under those conditions would not have been acceptable to me.
2007-10-05 10:03:01 · answer #4 · answered by Kitten S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not only did you help your daughter's girlfriend in a time of need - you showed your daughter your with her 100%. If there was a "righter" thing to do than what you did, it must involve magically changing the girl's parent's minds.
I'm really glad there are people like you in the world.
Thank you.
2007-09-27 13:59:02 · answer #5 · answered by Georgina Elin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God Bless you and definitely yes.You don't have to ask, at the end of the day, everyone involved will be better off because of your loving nature. I also liked the fact that you said it was temporary as well, nice is nice but you do want your space back after a while. Thank you for being a good mother to your daughter and her girlfriend.
2007-09-27 11:44:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, I hate it when parents treat their child like a throw-away thing. I think you did just the right thing; but make it clear to the children that you will be charging them some sort of rent (even if it's just something) and you expect them to keep the place clean. Make certain you lay down a set of ground rules that you expect them to abide by -- yes, they're under your roof and they're now tennants; but you do love them; but you also don't want this to become a situation where either one of you could take advantages of each other.
Thank God you love your child enough and thank you for caring for the other. Blessings on you all.
2007-09-27 11:32:52 · answer #7 · answered by Mama Otter 7 · 13⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a great mom! Good for you for helping out in a time of need. The good you put out in the world always comes back, and I think you're up for a really great run of luck.
2007-09-30 03:22:09 · answer #8 · answered by blue_devil 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i wish i had a mom like you.. i was just in a similar situation recently..i had been with my girlfriend for almost 8 months...she'd come over my house almost everyday...my mom thought we were just best friends....then one day when i wasnt home my mom raided my room and went into my computer finding all the pics i took with my girl (kissing)...and almost kicked me out...she took the door off of my room and told me "i pretend to be an innocent girl but i'm not"...now i'm living in this house with a mother who has no trust for me and thinks i'm the most disgusting person in the world...i wish i could trade her in for a mom like you...but good luck and you did do the right thing.
2007-09-29 02:47:45 · answer #9 · answered by candice s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think i need you to hug me couse my parents would have never done anything like that for me the best i could expect would be my dads fist in my face i think what you did is great you daughter is very fortunate to have you for a parent iv Ben in the closet all my life hell I'm still scared of my dad finding out and I'm 35 years old and haven't lived at home for 15 years you should be proud of your self and your doughtier for coming to you i wish you and yours the best of luck god bless
2007-09-27 16:21:02 · answer #10 · answered by tommy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋